Yes I want to know!

I know I have been MIA from my blog for a few days now. I am sorry. School pretty much had my attention all week and I really didnt have the time for anything else, that being said on to blogging.

I think my biggest concern when I am interested in a guy is how to act? I never know what is appropriate behaviour, Do I have to be careful as to what I should say to him, are there certain questions that should not be asked because he is not my boyfriend and to use the word of my friend "obligated" to me? Is it okay if he treats me in a particular way because we are not dating? I mean really how do you act when dealing with someone you are interested in without him running of scared. I think my biggest concern during those times are what can I do to make him think I am not overly demanding and bossy but at the same time not appearing too weak in his eyes?


Seriously? I think when dealing with a man. There is no right or wrong way. If a man is genuinely interested in you and he has gotten to know you well he enough, he will deal with whatever you throw his way(as long as you dont have psycho or stalker tendencies) and if he runs off scared then you dont need him.


I think when dealing with a man its important to lay down the foundation as to what you expect from him and what you are willing to give to him. Yes you may not be "official" yet, but does that mean he can go about flirting with other women in your face just because you guys are not dating?

After reading Steve Harvey's " Act like a lady, Think like a man" I learnt that it okay to ask a man from the bat, what his intentions are with you, and to let him know how you should be treated. Its a lot difficult to allow a man to treat you in a particular way and then if and when he makes you his girl you suddenly switch up on him and expect him to treat you differently because now you are "wifey". Granted, some things cannot be asked from a man you are dating and yes he may not be obligated to you at that moment but it doesnt mean that you cannot expect him to treat you in the manner you want to be treated.

I know I am guilty for this, Anytime I am dealing with a guy I am interested in, I find I pretty much allow him to treat me in any manner whatsoever because I feel he is not obligated to me. I get upset when he upsets me but I never express myself because I dont want to scare him off and think I am over sensitive. There are soo many things I let them get away with but then deep inside I am crying. The sad part is, if a friend treated me in that same manner I would not let them hear the end of it. What makes him any different?

I am learning now it's important to lay down the foundation early as to how I want the relationship to go. If he is scared and runs off then so be it, but its important that I am treated with respect and kindness and if I am not being treated that way I think is time to move on. Of course you must treat him the way you wish to be treated but dont ever feel he is not "obligated" to you so some things are okay to let slide. I like to believe most men are clueless, so half the time they assume if you havent mentioned it, then its not a problem. It's important to speak up and let him know what can and cannot work for you. Eerything within reason obviously but dont be afraid to get the treatement you require. You deserve it!

I am not worthy

I remember when I was a child, and I would look 10 years ahead and realise in 10 years I would be in my 20's and I think about how in 10 years I could have a kid, a job a house to live in a husband to come home to and I would say wow!! I can't believe all that could happen to me in 10 years. Well 10 years later and I am still looking 10 years ahead but this time I am asking myself, "Will I ever get the job, the house, the kids, the husband? is it ever going to happen"

I am almost 30...a few years shy and I sometimes look at my life and I wonder where did I go wrong? Why haven't I achieved the goals I set out for myself. I look at my friends, and I wonder, what did they do right? Why are they light years ahead of me and i am falling behind. We all received the same quality education,we were all afforded similiar lifestyles so what did they do right that I didnt do? I feel soo unaccomplished, so unworthy so insignificant so inferior.

I often look at my resume and at times I am ashamed to send it off because I believe at my age, I should accomplished so much,I should have reached so far yet, all I have are high school related work experience and a college degree that obviously is not working its magic. I wonder, who did I piss off? why does my life suck? Almost 30, in debt, no job that actually could lead to a career, sharing an apartment with my younger brother who makes more money than me and to top it off, I cant seem to catch the attention of any man. I get turned down by the men I like and even the men I dont like dont seem to approach me, my weight is up and down and some days I really do not know what to do with my hair. In fact at times, I really believe I am cursed.


Errrrrrrrrrrrr.....stop! Pump the break! I listen to myself whine and I wonder what the hell is wrong with me??????????? It's like I refuse to acknowledge everything else I have going on in my life and I focus on what I dont have. At times I sound ungrateful and sometimes I can't even blame others for not wanting to be around me. I can be sooo negetive.


It took me a long time, but now I realise, life is not a race. So what if my time hasnt come?It doesnt mean its not coming it doesnt mean everything I am going through is here to stay. the most important factor is I am taking charge of my life. I have put my trust in God, but I am also taking action to take my life where I need it togo. I am back in school to upgrade my skills so I can get my career started, I am not concerning myself too much with trying to find someone to fall in love with because I believe I need to be in a place in my life where I love myself completely so I can give my heart to someone without relying on them to make me happy. My weight issues I am taking action to get to a more healthy state. I also made a decision to not compare myself to other people. I realise now that although they maybe where I want to be, I do not know their struggle, I do not know what they had to sacrifice to get there. Plus I also believe that some of us may have a late start but when we start going, we accelerate and we end up getting there faster than we had anticipated.

It's hard to stay positive in these trying times, especially when it seems like your world is caving in and nothing seems to work out and I'll be lying if i say I am in a place in my life where everything is working for me because I am far from there but I also know that everything will work out eventually. As long as I keep my trust in God and I keep pushing I will get there. Its hard and its difficult but I'll get there. I have also decided that I am not going to allow myself to feel inferior to anyone because they have achieved alot. Just because they have acheived a lot doesnt mean they are any better than I am.

I will get there because I am worthy!

Bigger Problems

Last year was a very dark year for me. A lot of things happened in my life I was not prepared for and I had to make very fast decisions even if it necessarily wasnt my decision of choice. I found out that as much as I loved living in the U.S and really could not see my life outside of the U.S I had to make that difficult decision to move back to my country of birth even though I really did not want to come back. I moved back to Canada not knowing what I was coming back to.

February 2009 I made my journey back to Canada. I was completely and absolutely miserable. I thought my life was ending. I moved back into my brothers one bedroom apartment with him and until April of 2009 I literally did not leave the house. The furtherest I probably went was to the grocery store to buy food. I believe I probably left the house a couple of other occassions to meet up with an old friend although I did everything in my power to cancel that meeting she just wasnt having it.I was completely and absolutely depressed. I thought I had failed at life. I was unemployed, no money to my name, debt was mounting and to top it off I was in a place I did not like. I honestly believed God had forsaken me and he was punishing me for all the bad things I had done in my life. To be completely honest, life was not worth living.

Finally April ending approached and I had the opportunity to return to the states to pack up my stuff. Though I was sad to be going back to pretty much close shop I was happy to finally return to where I was happiest. I had planned to go down for a week, a week turned to 2 next thing I know its May ending and i was still in the U.S. My parents were livid! They were about ready to give up on me and completely cut me off but I finally made my trek back.(I had no choice my mother was in Canada waiting on me from Ghana) I got back to Canada and i told my mom and my brother that I refuse to live in Ottawa and I am moving to toronto. Within a month my brother and i had found an apartment in Toronto and we were convinced our new life was going to begin.

June ending came around still no job, July nothing August rolled around and nothing. The only bright spot in my life was the fact that I had planned to go back to school in September so I knew my days of being stuck in my apartment were soon coming to a close but the depression was here to stay. I lost all will to leave the house, I was gaining weight but I really didnt care, My friendships where hanging in the balance. One night I feel asleep on the couch and woke up to go to my room. I lay in bed and suddenly I felt like I couldnt breath. I was crying non stop I was shaking and pretty much having a panic attack. I sent my mother a text in Ghana pretty much telling her what was happening to me and she called in panic to try to calm me down, my brother was away in the states so I was home alone. My mom then called my father, my brother and my sister and they all tried to calm me down till I fell asleep.

I woke up that morning and my sister, my twin decided to show me some tough love. She said simply What is my problem? I have a place to stay, I have food in my fridge, I even have the opportunity to hang out with friends so really what was my problem. The only thing I didnt have was a job. There are people in this world who have kids to feed, bills to place struggling to keep the roof ovver their head and you are crying because you dont have a job even though you have everything else????? She then said, Until if you show God how grateful you are for blessing you with what you have, how is he going to bless you with more?. It was at that very moment I opened my eyes and realised what I had going on in my life. AT that particular moment all I didnt have was a job! I had never gone to bed hungry, I had never worried about where I was going to sleep, heck! I even was able to meet my friends for dinner on occassion so really what was my problem.

Long story short, a couple of weeks later, I finally found a job which i continue to work at and it was at that moment that I realised that whenever I think I have big problems there is always someone else out there who has bigger problems.

Sometimes we think our world is crashing in and there is nothing working out in our favour but if we take a closer look we are very blessed. My point is, just because someone doesnt share their story with you doesnt mean that they are not going through their own problems which may be greater than yours. Making excuses and blaming your shortcomings on your problems is no longer accceptable. Its important to accept what you are going through and instead of whining about your problems why dont you take action to solve them. Life is really what you make it, If you choose to be miserable you will be miserable, if you choose to let your problems burden you it will. Its time to show appreciation for what you have and pray that what you dont have will come around eventually

How do I look?

Just like most of you, I spend my time skimming the celeb gossip blogs. I like reading about what my favourite celeb is up to, what they were caught wearing and sometimes what they are not doing. Its gossip yes and as much as most of you do not like to admit it, you do enjoy gossip here and there once in awhile. Going back to the gossip blogs, there is one particular site that often showcases regular people and their antics and sometimes I laught because I cannot believe what some people are getting themselves into but of late, I seem more and more disappointed.

I dont like to submit myself to stereotypes because I have interacted with pretty much every race on this planet and each time, there is someone who breaks that stereotype and actually convinces you that that particular race, or ethnic group is really not how we perceive them. Quite frankly its pretty ignorant if you submit yourself to those stereotypes but we are human and sometimes you really can't help it because there are always the few who live up to those stereotypes. Obama is a good example of breaking the stereotypes most people have about black people. I know he is not the only black person who has broken that stereotype but to be honest he has reached the highest office in the U.S government and I think that definitely has to be acknowledged, However, my blog is about how I look so lets get back on track here.

Back to the gossip website for a second. I was skimming through a particular one earlier on today and once again it featured a regular person and their antics and this time I really was disappointed. Here was this big girl, wearing a short dress, and a very low cut dress that pretty much only covered her nipples. Now, I am not saying because she is big she should not wear clothes like that because I dont think a woman should be walking around in public, at night, in a night club pretty much wearing an outfit that just covers her private parts. I believe its tacky and it shows how classless you are, but going back to this big girl for second, I personally and I am not fashion expert thought the outfit was completely unflattering and if she was trying to achieve the sexy look, she failed completely.

Of course, who am I to judge or to point fingers but I also believed at one point that showing off too much was sexy. Fortunately...(back then I didnt get it but I do now) I have a mother who was very honest with me and was quick to send me back to my room to change if she saw me dressed like that. She always made it a point to point out that I was a heavy girl and i had thick thighs and arms and my breast were too big so I shouldnt wear those things because it didnt look good. I mean I'll be honest, My mom (although she will not admit it) does believe that slimmer is better and though she will never admit it, I am pretty sure she wishes that my sister and I had been on the slimmer side because she is always quick to point out how she used to walk around with a size 22 inch waist when she was younger and is overly excited when she notices that either one of us has lost weight. Don't get me wrong, I don't think my mom loves me any less and doesnt think I am not beautiful because I am bigger but I believe her point in all of this is, you must dress to suit your size..

Yes I am a bigger girl and I definitely do not believe in wearing moomoos and covering it all up. I truly and strongly believe that every woman big or small, tall or short has a body part that is working for them and for that, you must flaunt it. However, know your shortcomings and try as much as possible to take the attention off those flaws and focus on your pluses. Yes, its quite easy to assume its my low self esteem talking and just because I do not want to show off my body parts it doesnt mean everyone else should. If you are honest with yourself you will realise thats not my point at all. Big or small, tall or short, I believe you must look sexy and feel your best, If you have the legs then show it off, If you have the arms show it off, if your breast or your butt is your best asset then go ahead and show it, but there is a way of showing those parts off without completely exposing it because the minute you expose it, you have cross the line of sexy into tacky.

Be you, be happy and love yourself but in doing so acknowledge what you are what you arent and adjust your style to fit that. A big woman can still dress sexy in the latest fashions, but sometimes less is more. nice low cut dress can be sexy as long as you cover your legs, a nice short dress can be sexy as well as long as you cover your top. It is important to remember that when you show off your top you cover your legs and if you show your legs you cover your top. I am no man but I have spoken to enough of them to know that they all love some mystery. A man loves to imagine and dream and when you put everything on show, you leave him nothing to dream about. Sometimes sexy is more!

Be true to yourself and you will be happy. Remember ladies, being sexy doesnt always mean showing everything off. I learnt that now, after years of my mom harping it over and over again. She meant well and continues to mean well. Know your body, know what works for you and dress accordingly. Just because you dont have the legs for that mini dress doesnt mean you dont have something else you can't show off. This is applicable to slimmer girls as well because I have seen some slim girls who have no business in mini skirts or tank tops. Either way, once again remember what you are working with and when in doubt, Just ask....How do I look?


image from http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/04/17/article-0-047FC282000005DC-729_468x637.jpg

Love all of me!

My self esteem has been very low for several years. There were times when I looked in the mirror I was completely repulsed by my image.I tried and tried to find something that made me consider myself beautiful and nothing, absolutely nothing stood out. All I could see where all my flaws, everything I needed to change, everything I didnt want. I hated me!

Whenever I left the house and I was out and about with my friends, I used to see how men would literally stop and come over to speak to them. Half the time they wouldnt even acknowledge I was there. I felt invisible, unattractive, completely ugly. I used to accept that when I went out, it was only natural that the guys will approach my friends and leave me out. There was a particular incident where I was out with my friend having a good time, and this amazing looking guy walked into the room. We were both in dumbfounded at how attractive he was. I honestly believed he was mine to have. My friend and I kept saying how he was ours and the other one would never have him. At last I saw him walk my way and i knew this was my moment and just like that he went straight to my friend, completely ignoring me once again. I must say, I was crushed. If my self esteem at that moment wasnt low enough, it definitely hit the ground that day.

I used to blame my inability to draw men on my appearance, how I looked, my size. Yes I am a bigger girl. Definitely not model size and to be honest, I doubt I would anything but plus size. To clearly describe myself, I once was joking around with my cousin and said I have a coke bottle shape and she responded "you do! a 2 litre bottle" I laughed obviously because she is younger and at that time she was also a "2 litre bottle" herself but it also made me realise that people viewed me as a big girl and with the society we live in today, big was not always better. I can't believe how many yoyo diets I went on, at one point I was completely obsessed with the way I looked, I would eat and immediately hit the ground do crunches believe that even if I ate an i did crunches the weight will never show. I started to obsess with what I ate two scared to eat but the minute someone noticed I had dropped a few pounds I believed that I go back to eating the way I did because I could not gain it back....I just did not feel beautiful.

Fastforwarding to today. I look at myself in the mirror and all i can ask myself is why??? Why didnt I find myself beautiful, why did I think I was all flaws and there was nothing beautiful about me? Now when I look in the mirror I see a beautiful person, someone with a good heart and a beautiful smile, Someone who has lips that look like they taste like fresh strawberries, eyes that could make the sun come out, skin so smooth a baby could be jealous teeth so straight a dentist would be and is very proud. I realise I am beautiful, I realise i have soo much to offer and i realise that the men did not approach me because they knew i had something to offer they couldnt offer back.

It took me awhile to get to this place and I am still working on staying in this place, yes I am still big and do i care how I look? maybe a little bit but I have decided to embrace myself because i know that although I might have a little extra on me, i have a shape that is beautiful and propotional to my size, I know my legs are beautiful and make high heel shoes want to stand proud on my feet. I know I am beautiful and so what if i can't be a model, I can be a plus size model and show other women that beauty does come in all shapes and sizes and I realise now that men do find me beautiful, but until I started to love myself I didnt realise that I had them looking

All I want to say is, love yourself and dont let anyone or anything bring you down. You might not look like the next girl but why would you want to? You are you! You have features that are unique to you and only you, No one should tell you how you should look and feel about yourself, no one should have to make you feel insignificant and non existant. Next time you run into a situation where someone makes you feel small, Look them in the eye and say" Love all of me" and walk away because if they make you feel small, you dont want them anyway!

External Locus of Control

Organizational Behaviour the study of different behaviours and personalities in the work place identifies external locus of control as someone who does not take responsbility for their actions and constantly blames external factors as the cause of their problems. Why am I bringing that up? What does this have to do with my blog? The reason is simple, I realised that all my life, I have been exercising external locus of control, Blaming others for my misfortunes, not taking responsiblities for the bad decisions I made regarding men, over reacting and being overly sensitive to situations that really were not that serious.

Dont get me wrong, I am not saying I am completely to blame for situations gone back, I do believe that it does take two but at the same time, looking back, I had very high expectations of the people I deal with, I expected that I treated someone a particular way, they had to treat me exactly the same. I expected that If I felt a certain way they had to feel exactly the same way and when they didnt, it would upset me, I would blame them for feeling the way they did and completely ignore the part I played in causing this situation.

It's hard when you feel a certain way and your feelings are not reciprocated, or you show love and you do not get love in return. Its hard and its painful but because you feel a certain way, doesnt mean that everyone around you must feel exactly the same way. It doesnt mean that they did you wrong and they are to blame for making you feel the way you do. It's important to acknowledge your role in the situation. Did you mis interpret his actions to mean what you wanted it to mean when it really didnt mean that way at all. Did you give, give, give and not even give him a chance to catch up and when you finally realised he was lacking behind you got upset because he wasnt on teh same page as you?

Sometimes its important we evaluate the situation and figure out where you might be going wrong. What are you doing as well to bring on this situation. Every woman is beautiful and deserves the best, but that doesnt mean that every man that comes your way must meet your expectation. If he doesnt accept that he lacks what you mean and dont blame him, accept him for who he is and understand that maybe he is not the one for you. Trying to blame someone for their flaws and not meeting up to your standards is not fair.

We can all learn from any situation once we take responsibility. Exercising our internal locus of control and leave your external locus out.

Hypocritical

I have been feeling a little hypocriticl since I began this blog. Who am I to tell people how they should feel, who they should believe in when I dont not stand on any authority to justify what I have said in my past few blogs. After much thought and wanting to stay true to myself and to everyone else I feel it is necessary to share a side of me to make it easier to understand why I share my insight with everyone.

I am that girl. I am that girl, who allowed the man to take her power away from her. Who thought sharing parts of me with someone and not getting anyhing in return was okay because it meant I loved hard and I loved strong and giving it all will eventually lead to me getting all i wanted and desired. I believed it, I lived it and I was disappointed.

Dont get me wrong, I am not a bitter black woman who wants others to believe that because I put in my all and got nothing in return every woman should believe and think that way because quite frankly that is far from the case.

Here is my story

I believed in my heart of hearts, that loving someone meant giving them your heart, allowing them to step on yours if that meant it kept you tied to them. I did it all. i would sacrifice my time of studying to listen to him share his frustrations with me because I just wanted to show him I cared and i was always there for him completely ignoring the fact that what i had to get done was more important than listening to him moan and cry about his broken heart until all was well and i was kicked to the curb, I could barely get a hello out of him until I literally had to keep pressuring for him to acknowledge my exist and yet I continued on.

I believed all those sweet words he would tell me, letting me know how beautiful i was and that there was no one else like me, until I gave him my all and just like that, I no longer existed. I convinced myself that it was just a rough patch and that eventually he is going to realise how much he wants me however, days went by, months and eventually a year and still nothing, as quickly as he came into my life he was gone but i still believed he would come back. I would not let go....

The friend I honestly believed would turn to be more than a friend. I loved hard and I loved long and although i got nothing in return I believed that eventually he will change his mind and come to me, yet it took one small incident for me to once again become a figment of his imagination, yet still i held on believing and praying that things will go back to normal and he will love me and i will love him yet nothing changed....

It seems like a pattern with each man i gave myself to and it took me a very long time to realise that I allowed them to treat me the way they did, i allowed them to walk over me take advantage of me(whether they did it delibrately or not) it happened and I dont hate them, I dont despise them but I wish I had the strength that I do now, to have opened my eyes and realised, who I was and what I deserved. I blame it on my lack of self esteem, believing they were better than me, they had more to offer me than i had to offer them, therefore believing that I was lucky to have them in my life and thus I should tolerate whatever they threw my way because they were better than me. it took me a loong time to really look at myself and realise that I had sooo much to offer than and quite possibly more than they deserved. Although I do not discount the fact that they are great people and they do have a lot to offer, it took me beginning to love myself and realising that anyone who came my way would be lucky to have me and thus I had the power to decide who could have me.

All I am saying is, as wonderful and amazing being in love can be, its not worth it, if you give your all and not get anything in return. It's important to be in love with yourself and know who you are what you deserve. When you love you, its easier for others to love you back because they know that they are lucky to have you in their lives. I do believe good love exist and its out there but when you go looking for it, you misinterpret the wrong love for good. Sometimes its best to let it find you and believe it will be great when it does.

Valentine's Day

Another year, Another Valentine's day and once again I am spending it alone. It's easy to become bitter and sarcastic when everyone around you is coupled up and spending this day of love enjoying each others company and overly expressing their love to each other by spending ridiculous amounts of money on expensive gifts and dinner. It's definitely a commercial holiday and quite honestly I wish I had a side hustle of selling valentine's day gift so I could make some fast extra cash.

This year, on the other hand, I decided to take a different approach to being a single woman on Valentine's day. I decided to embrace the day and use it to celebrate my love for self. Why you ask? To be very truthful, I am tired of fighting it. As I get older I have began to understand that no matter what I do or say Valentine day exist and the fact that I am single on this very special day has nothing to do with anyone but myself. It's okay to be single on Valentine's day. It's okay to accept that another year has gone buy and you are single. Enjoy the day, take advantage of it. Most stores have valentine's day special, use that day to capitalize on the sale and buy that favourite perfume you haven't gotten around to purchasing. Your favourite artist is in town to swoon all the couples with his/her beautiful soulful voice. Go to the concert. Dress up, and go. Who cares! Half the time we think other people are paying attention to the single people in the room and snickering at the fact that they are alone but you will be surprised that most of the times the couples are so absorbed in each other they didnt even notice you walk into the room. You want to eat at your favourite restaunt because they have a two for one special then go ahead and do it. Find a girlfriend who is also alone on valentines day and go with her or a sibling or your mother or father.

I got up this morning and I wanted to see a new movie out in cinemas. A year ago, I might have passed on the opportunity of seeing the movie alone because I didnt want to be surrounded by lovers holding hands and are all kissy face while I walk in a lone with my bag of popcorn and drink and sit there alone with no one to talk to, this year however, I got dressed and went straight to the movies to watch the movie alone and I would have enjoyed myself had the movie not sold out before I got my ticket.

My point is, We need to stop blaming Valentine's day for feeling lonely and very single. Instead embrace the day and do what you want to do. It's for lovers and if you love yourself you realise you dont need someone else to feel special. If you are really concerned about being alone on Valentines day then take the initiative and ask that cutie you have been checking out for awhile now and ask them out. Just because they haven't asked you out doesnt mean you have to hold back as well.

Be happy, Be true and most importantly be loved!!

Happy Valentine's day!! Embrace the day! Dont fight it because its a losing battle!

Idolization of Sex

I am no prude! Sex is vital to everyone, I understand that. However, when did sex become cool?...Let me clarify that. When did sex become the what was required to be labelled as cool. I know the idolization of sex is nothing knew, I am sure most people will say this blog topic is decades too late but it troubles me deeply when I see beautiful young women using sex as a means to get the attention they want.

I went to the club one night and i was completely appalled and disgusted by what I saw. Sex on the dance floor? Dont get it twisted though hey had their clothes on but havin their clothes on was probably a mask for what they were really doing. When did having sex in a lit area with other people around trying to enjoy themselves become fashionable, acceptable or impressive.

I noticed that most of the dances young people are doing today are pretty much sex positions with clothes on. I actually saw a picture of a young man performing fellatio on a woman on the dance floor and was pretending that was a "dance!" I am still pretty young in fact in am a Gen Y so its shocking to see that people who are probably just a few years younger than me are behaving in manners that my parents wouldhave me arrested or better yet shot if they saw me do it and I am old enough to have kids!

Respect! Where is it? Why dont women today, men today the youth of today have respect for self? For each other. They complain when a man disrespects them forgetting that they gave that man the chance to disrespect them.

I am sad to say, the young people of today have lost their way. They do not believe in respect. All I can say is learn to love yourself. Learn to believe that you are worth it. So what if that hot guy wont dance with you because you wont dance with him teh ay he wants you to. Why would you even want a man like that or a woman like that? Its time to respect yourself! Start loving you! Start believing you deserve the best and only the best and the best will come! It's okay if everyone else is doing it. Let them. Lets learn to love ourselves enough so we can love each other.

Taking Our Power Back

It's time ladies! The time has finally come. It's our time to take our power back and be in control. To face the world straight on with no fear or apprehension. We do not know what tomorrow holds but our excitement and curiousity will not allow us to hold back and sit back in fear, afraid that if we venture out our world as we know it will change for ever or worse what we know is all a lie. It's time to say I know what I need and deserve )

I am relatively young and quite inexperienced for my age but I catch on quick and I am a good observer so I know I make up for my lack of experience with my quick observation and listening skills. It seems like the conversation most women are having these days is about men. Someone might say what are you talking about? Women have been talking about men since man was created and men have been doing the same. However, as a young woman, at my age, the importance of men in a womans live has become more and more prevelant than it was to me a few years ago when my only priority time in life was to make it through school with flying colors. As I watch several young women embark on their life journey with a man,I can't help but hear the same thing over and over again. "I do not know where it went wrong?We were smooth sailing a day ago and now its come to a complete halt.What do I have to do to keep him in my life?"

Ladies I beleive its time we learnt to let go. No I do not say at the sign you should pack up and leave but when the relationship has run its course and at this point there is really no way of reviving the relationship its time to say, I did what I can, my time has come and I am ready to see what the world has to offer. I believe that most of us stay because its all we know. We dont know what the world holds for us and quite frankly its better to stay in misery than to move on and explore what life has to offer. Sometimes it could be the fear of admitting that something we put all our effort into has failed and failure is one word in my life I really could do without.

How is putting your all into a relationship that did not work out deemed as failure? Quite frankly in my humble opinion its a success because you were able to maintain a relationship for a period of time that brought you joy yet pain and you came out still standing. That is success to me. Going through the elements and still being able to walk away when the time has come. Women its time we took our power back. Its time we knew when to walk away and live life not knowing what to expect but are excited at the possiblities.

A friend of mine told me, "there is nothing you can't do if you put your mind to it. If you are put on a plane and your only way off it was to jump or else you crash, you will jump not knowing what to expect when you jump but it sure is better than dying" Yes it is sure better than dying because there is a 50% chance that you will land on soft ground and that is far better than knowing you are going to do for sure.

I also believe that we as women do not know our own abilities. We are so set in our ways that we do not believe we could branch away and do something different when the time comes. We are all strong. There is nothing that we cannot withstand and survive through it...we just need to learn to let go.

Single ladies I believe we must also know our strength and what we deserve. Yes at times it may seem like we are destined to singledom and the only way we can get out of it is settle for the next best thing. It gets lonely at night when all you want is a warm body to cuddle with or someone to call you and remind you how beautiful you are. As nice as all those things seem how long does it last till we are singing with our not so single sisters that relationships are not as glamourous as they should be but at least we have a man. Why do we continue to subject ourselves to hurtful and painful relationships just to have someone. Why do we allow ourselves to be treated as second class citizens if that means we at least have someone who knows our names. Why do we give and give and are okay with not getting anything in return but the minute we do get something we think that man is the greatest person in the world for his first and only measly attempt to make you smile.

I know its hard and I know its lonely but the minute we take our power back and we learn our self worth there is nothing and no one who can stand up against us. Love yourself and the love will come to you. Learn to expect the best and you will receive the best.