Bigger Problems

Last year was a very dark year for me. A lot of things happened in my life I was not prepared for and I had to make very fast decisions even if it necessarily wasnt my decision of choice. I found out that as much as I loved living in the U.S and really could not see my life outside of the U.S I had to make that difficult decision to move back to my country of birth even though I really did not want to come back. I moved back to Canada not knowing what I was coming back to.

February 2009 I made my journey back to Canada. I was completely and absolutely miserable. I thought my life was ending. I moved back into my brothers one bedroom apartment with him and until April of 2009 I literally did not leave the house. The furtherest I probably went was to the grocery store to buy food. I believe I probably left the house a couple of other occassions to meet up with an old friend although I did everything in my power to cancel that meeting she just wasnt having it.I was completely and absolutely depressed. I thought I had failed at life. I was unemployed, no money to my name, debt was mounting and to top it off I was in a place I did not like. I honestly believed God had forsaken me and he was punishing me for all the bad things I had done in my life. To be completely honest, life was not worth living.

Finally April ending approached and I had the opportunity to return to the states to pack up my stuff. Though I was sad to be going back to pretty much close shop I was happy to finally return to where I was happiest. I had planned to go down for a week, a week turned to 2 next thing I know its May ending and i was still in the U.S. My parents were livid! They were about ready to give up on me and completely cut me off but I finally made my trek back.(I had no choice my mother was in Canada waiting on me from Ghana) I got back to Canada and i told my mom and my brother that I refuse to live in Ottawa and I am moving to toronto. Within a month my brother and i had found an apartment in Toronto and we were convinced our new life was going to begin.

June ending came around still no job, July nothing August rolled around and nothing. The only bright spot in my life was the fact that I had planned to go back to school in September so I knew my days of being stuck in my apartment were soon coming to a close but the depression was here to stay. I lost all will to leave the house, I was gaining weight but I really didnt care, My friendships where hanging in the balance. One night I feel asleep on the couch and woke up to go to my room. I lay in bed and suddenly I felt like I couldnt breath. I was crying non stop I was shaking and pretty much having a panic attack. I sent my mother a text in Ghana pretty much telling her what was happening to me and she called in panic to try to calm me down, my brother was away in the states so I was home alone. My mom then called my father, my brother and my sister and they all tried to calm me down till I fell asleep.

I woke up that morning and my sister, my twin decided to show me some tough love. She said simply What is my problem? I have a place to stay, I have food in my fridge, I even have the opportunity to hang out with friends so really what was my problem. The only thing I didnt have was a job. There are people in this world who have kids to feed, bills to place struggling to keep the roof ovver their head and you are crying because you dont have a job even though you have everything else????? She then said, Until if you show God how grateful you are for blessing you with what you have, how is he going to bless you with more?. It was at that very moment I opened my eyes and realised what I had going on in my life. AT that particular moment all I didnt have was a job! I had never gone to bed hungry, I had never worried about where I was going to sleep, heck! I even was able to meet my friends for dinner on occassion so really what was my problem.

Long story short, a couple of weeks later, I finally found a job which i continue to work at and it was at that moment that I realised that whenever I think I have big problems there is always someone else out there who has bigger problems.

Sometimes we think our world is crashing in and there is nothing working out in our favour but if we take a closer look we are very blessed. My point is, just because someone doesnt share their story with you doesnt mean that they are not going through their own problems which may be greater than yours. Making excuses and blaming your shortcomings on your problems is no longer accceptable. Its important to accept what you are going through and instead of whining about your problems why dont you take action to solve them. Life is really what you make it, If you choose to be miserable you will be miserable, if you choose to let your problems burden you it will. Its time to show appreciation for what you have and pray that what you dont have will come around eventually