Pedestal

Okay so I know I have blogged on this topic before but I guess it doesn't hurt to bring it up again.

I think that most of us sometimes sell our self short. It doesn't matter what it is in life. To some extent we don't believe in our own abilities or our own worth or what we are made of or what we bring to the table. I think sometimes we meet someone who is accomplished has so much going for them and immediately we start to feel inadequate and we wonder if we can ever measure up.

I know this is particularly the case when it comes to relationships. We meet someone special, they walk into our lives with all these accomplishments and accolades and we look at our dreary lives and we wonder how will we ever measure up? How can such a great person even want anything to do with me? Even if they want me around? For how long? What can I bring to the table that will at least get me one step up so I at least feel like I am on my way to getting on their level. All I have to say to that is STOP! Stop stop stop stop!! Shut up!! Seriously? Are you going to base your worth on someone who just brings a piece of paper to the relationship listing all they have accomplished when you really that doesn't make them who they are?

My question to you the next time you start measuring yourself to someone accomplishments is what else do they bring to the table? Are they God fearing? Do they have a good family life? Are they respectful of others and themselves? Do they respect you? Do they live their lives like God is their guide? Do they have a good heart? Are they loyal? Honest? how do they treat their kids...if they have any? Really these are the sort of things we should be thinking about when we meet someone. What they have managed to accomplish whether through education, or professionally or financially is definitely nothing to frown upon but really if all that was gone today what do they have left?

I am no way shape and form saying that its okay to go for someone who is not ambitious because they are loving and caring because lets be real, love doesn't keep a roof over your head but at the same time its good to have an equal balance of both. You have to know that whoever you are going in for, can provide for you, emotional, spiritual, mental and physical stimulation as well as some security to know that no matter what happens they will always do their best to provide for you when you cant provide for yourself. Mind you, you also have to realise that you may not have the financial means or educational level or professional experience they may possess but if you are working towards that but you can provide, the love, support, spiritual need, emotional need and physical need they need in their life, then in my humble opinion you are definitely on their level.

Next time you meet someone great, don't just look at what they bring to the table based on their accomplishments and make your decision based on that but really dig deep and see if this person is really the person you need before you start questioning yourself about your own worth or most importantly if you should bring them into your life because at the end of the day, WE are all worthy, don't let anyone or anything let you feel less. If we can come before God when we really are not worthy of him then we can definitely come before man when we are worthy of them.

Wide Open

My cousin and I spent a good amount of time talking about this subject yesterday and I felt that it was important that I talk about this topic since I feel its something I am trying in my life right now.

I like to believe that I am pretty open minded. Open minded on many topics, Homosexuality and Lesbianism, The death penalty, abortion, racism and what say you. That being said though I really wondered how open minded I was about my own life and the possibilities that are out there for me. Its soo easy to get up and say I believe that anyone should have the right to be married to whoever they want to be married to. Whether it be two men getting married or two women but in all honesty when it boils down to it, I have/had a long list of requirements I had when it came down to who I had to be involved with. I am pretty open minded about where I could go on holiday but when it boils down to it, I was very specific on where I needed to live and work. I am not saying it makes me a hypocrite because being open minded doesnt mean you cant have requirements but I think it made me very restrictive and it put me in a more difficult situation than I would have been if I had allowed myself to open up and explore the possibilities.

I realised that as a young woman with no responsibilities to anyone but myself, I realy have no reason to be closed minded on anything. I have no reason to prevent myself from going anywhere or dating anyone. Of course doesnt mean that any tom dick and harry that walks my way will get a chance with me. However I noticed that I was soo restrictive in terms of who I could date, Who they should be, where they had to come from, how they looked and quite frankly I havent had much success with my restrictions. Yet I look around and I look at people who have allowed themselves to open up and not let themselves be too restricted by their requirements are those who are happily involved and even when things didnt work out the way they had hoped, they brushed their shoulders off and moved on.

Its soo amazing because the minute I started to allow myself to be open minded about anything this year it has been so very freeing. I realised I am stressing less because I always have a plan b, c, d and even e lined up. I also realised that so far I have been pleasantly surprised.

So this year I told myself. I am going to be open minded. I am going to allow myself to see how far I can go. If an opportunity presents itself somewhere across the world, I'll give it a shot. I have nothing to lose. At the end of the day if I give it a shot and I dont like it, I have nothing stopping me from coming back home. I am going to also allow myself to see what the possibilities can be with anyone I see myself getting along well with. He might not fit the total description of my "perfect" mate but at the same time who is to say he is not my "perfect" mate.


I think our biggest hesitancy about being open minded is the fear of the unknown. The fear that being open minded sets us up for more disappointment and heart break. At least when you are close minded you can almost predict the outcome yet being open minded means everything you think you know might be wrong and in that respect you might have to change your way of viewing the world. Had America not been open minded about voting in a Black President we would never had been given the chance to see how great President Barack could be.

I think its important that we all give ourselves a chance this year to explore the possibilities. Step out of your comfort zone and see where life can take you. If it doesnt even work out the way you hoped it will, Just brush your shoulders off and keep it moving. If anything at all, You gave yourself to experience something new.

Age aint nothing but a number

I really wanted to think of a title that wouldnt give away my topic so easily but its pretty early and I've been up since 6am so I got nothing. This topic was suggested to me by a friend and a few years ago if I had been asked to write on this topic, I probably would have approached this topic differently and more negatively but age and experience has definitely taught me differently.

For most men dating a younger woman almost seems natural. In most cases you find that the man is older than his female partner. Whether its a couple of months to a couple of years to as much as 20 years and although a few people may have a few negative things to say about a man who dates a woman who is significantly younger than him its more acceptable. However a new phenomenon seems to be arising in our society...maybe not a new phenomenon but more socially accepting than it was a few years ago. A woman dating a younger man. I dont know why there was much resistance about it. I dont know if it has to deal with the fact that a woman births a child so to date someone who could pratically be your child would play into the whole oedipus complex or could it be the fact that a man is the head of the house hold so to have a man who pretty much should be taking orders from a woman who is older than him is just too weird... I dont know. It would be ignorant or naive of me to say Demi and Ashton were the reasons why it has become more socially acceptable to date younger men but i will say this much that since Demi and Ashton got married we are hearing a lot more "couger" relationships.

So why am I writing on this topic? Simple, why should we really use age as a factor to date someone. I mean really as long as both parties are legal and they are happy then who cares that one person is older than the other? I mean I know some men who are significantly younger than me and though I wouldnt date them, they have their shit together than men who are older and supposedly more mature than me. Which leads me to my next point. Maturity.

Personally I dont think maturity has anything to do with your chronological age. There maybe people who are 50 years old but their maturity level is that of a 25 year old and there are others who might be 25 but have the maturity level of a 50 year old. So really as a woman, if you are 10 years older than the guy and he is on the same maturity level as you then really why should it matter that he is younger than you. I mean yes sometimes there are some factors that you need to consider which is if you could still have kids with him, are at a place where marriage is no longer an option for you yet he is ready to play house? I mean those count but really should the age be a reason why you should or shouldnt pursue him.

I have a friend and she is currently dating someone younger than her. Not significantly younger, just a couple of years and initially she had a problem with the age but as she got to know him she realised that this guy was a great guy... he had a good job, he was a good man all around, attentive, sensitive, caring, very loving and pretty much everything she could hope for in a man. So in a situation like this does age really matter or is the connection that really matters.

I read a really interesting quote the other day and it says "you cant stop love because it doesnt come wrapped in the package you are most accostumed to" So instead of us focusing too much on the age, its probably best we focus on really what makes this guy so amazing.

As a friend shared with me the other day " focus on the one reason why it will work and not the many reasons why it wont" because if there is one reason why it will work then who cares about the other reasons because as long as there is one reason to make it work then you will be more inclined to find more reasons to make it work.

I am no way shape or form promoting younger men but I am just saying instead of focusing on his age focus on why you would want to be with him and make it happen.

What I learnt from this year

This has been an interesting year to say the least and although its not technically over, I think this time will be a good as any to share with you what I have taken from this year and hopefully what I will take or not take with me into the the new year.

This year has been interesting on many accounts. I think the best part of this year was having my whole family with me over the summer for a couple of weeks. For many people having your parents and of course your twin sister live across the world and only being able to see them at the most once a year if you are lucky is quite difficult. Of course my brother and I chose to stay back in Canada but at the same token it might have been a lot easier if they lived a couple of miles away but when the miles are over a thousand it gets harder and harder to deal. Being able to share the same roof for a change and be a family was fun. Reminded me of how important it is to have family close by and even though we fight and we often get on each others nerves the joy you experience being around people you love is absolutely priceless..

I managed to finish another leg in my educational journey...although its was not my ideal situation and its definitely was not the final leg, being able to achieve anything is amazing but I believe when your achievement are educational based its even more empowering because it means that your curiousity to learn and to accept that you still need to better yourself through education is important.

I quit a job I hated without another job in place to replace it. Daring move especially in these economic times but it came to a point where the money was not enough to keep me going. It came to a point where I felt most of my unhappiness stemed from being unhappy in my job and although it was a pay check...a bad one but nonetheless a pay check I had to give it up. Unfortunately I havent been lucky enough to find a replacement but I have been happier and more positive about my situation but most importantly I have felt more blessed because I realise that through my trials and tribulations I still have more than most and I am still able to do things I was doing while employed. Its taught me patience and its given me a chance to really reflect on who I am and what I want out of life and although I am still on the path of self discovery I realise my path is becoming more and more defined as each day passes.


This has brought new and true friends into my life and I also started losing or lost some very important people in my life as well. Not to death but I guess to life. It made me re-evaluate my relationships with people and not necessarily let go of people I felt were not working to keep our relationship going but it made me realise that I can't force a relationship. Sometimes the best thing in life is to realise that some people are meant to stay and some are meant to go. It hurt, it sucks, you cry, you get upset, you even get angry but sometimes letting go means a new beginning for something else and thats exactly what happened. I had a new beginning with an old friend and right now I believe our friendship is stronger than ever. Of course I can only pray our friendship stands the test of times and it gets richer and stronger with time but I do know that if it doesnt make it that far, I can look back with no regrets but appreciate their time in my life and what they brought to it, just like I can look back at the relationship I shared with friends I have lost and realise that although we are no longer what we used to be, they came at time when they were supposed to be there and left when they were supposed to leave. I will always love them and my heart will always hold a place for them and I know whatever we shared good or bad changed my life and who I am today.

What did I learn this year? well pretty much here it goes

I learnt that being beautiful doesnt mean you can fit into a smaller dress size, or you have a particular physical look but really who you are inside and how you love yourself. Its hard to expect people to consider you beautiful if you dont feel beautiful. I also learnt that I might never be slim but I can work on being healthy and most importantly accepting who I am. Until I accept who I am it doesnt matter if I lose 50lbs or not I will never believe I am beautiful.

I took away from this year that good friends no matter how far away they are will always be in your lives. You dont have to know someone for years to consider them a good friend but its important to know that a good friend accepts you for who you are. They love you through the pay and they rejoice with you through the happiness. When you kneel down to pray at night, not only are you praying for them but they are kneeling down at night praying for you as well. They have their faults just like you do but at the end of the day you know and learn that they are real and thats all that matters.

I learnt to accept that not everything you want in life comes when you want it. I have been on a long journey and to say I am half way they were would be a lie but I also know that I can't give up because things are not going as planned. As the saying goes, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans." that being said, it doesnt mean because you have given it up to God you must stop fighting for him because although it takes God to get what you want, you can't get it if you dont work for it.

One of the most important lessons I learnt in life is patience. Just to add on to what I said above, being paitent takes a lot strength and self peace. Being someone who expected immediate results, going through this year made me realise that you can't rush life. If I had my eye opening moment about patience this year is probably when I heard the story of the 33 miners trapped underground. 33 miners trapped for 69 days and prior to their rescue they had no idea when their rescue day was. However, their strong faith in God and their patience aided in them surviving the full 69 days presumeably coming out healthy and in a sane state of mind that almost seems impossible to believe. Hearing their story just made me realise that with patience, God does answer prayers but at his own time.

I learnt that a man should not define me. A man should not be the reason I make decisions about how I look, what I do, where I work, who I am. It took me a long time and a lot of prayer and self reflection to realise how much I had let men define my life an it wasnt till I finally realised how much of an influence they had on my decisions in life was I able to finally let go and take charge. Hard to believe coming from someone who has pretty much been single for a very long time but I realised that depending on who I had feelings for at a particular time in my life, the decisions I made were decisions they subconsciously made for me. Decisions they probably were not aware they were making for me but looking back now they did. My sudden drive to lose weight, my desire to work or live in a particular place all came from their influence and though some of the decisions where probably good decisions for me, they were not my own decisions and breaking away from that has given me the power to finally be me.

I think the most important lesson I have learnt this year is staying true to myself. Going after i want, not being afraid to make decisions that can be life altering but they make me happy. I have had soo much influence in my life, decisions made I may not have been happy with but fear prevented me from voicing my concerns. Not allowing people to take advantage of me. Not being afraid to speak when things are wrong instead of keeping quiet and trying to take it all in. It may upset them that I said what was on my mind but keeping it all in and hurting is far more damaging than letting them know the truth.
*I learnt that family wants whats best for you but they may not really know what is best for you.
*Job hunting sucks but its very humbling.
*Education may be the key to success but it doesnt mean it is the key to success
*Love hurts and its okay to cry when your heart breaks but to give up on love is to give up on yourself.
*I really love watching tv and I am not afraid to say it.
*Working out is hard but the benefits are priceless
*Its okay to ask for help. You cant do it all and sometimes its okay to ask for help.
*Men might never put the seat down on the toilet
*Not everyone wants your happiness but it also doesnt mean you must hide your joy
*How you treat people may not necessarily mean they will treat you the same way
*Cant compare my situation to others. Just because they may have it going on doesnt mean your life is really that bad.
*Women are beautiful creatures and we come in all shapes and colours and sizes but being a black woman has been an amazing journey and i couldnt have asked to be anything else.
*It takes a lot of energy to stay depressed and most times when I give in to my depression everything goes wrong but the minute I decide to let it go and stay positive I realise how much easier it is to be happy than it is to be sad.
*That my problems are really not bad. It could be a lot worse but its not so I have to stay grateful
*Its okay to date yourself. Its okay to treat yourself out to a day on your own. Sitting in a movie theatre alone doesnt mean you are a loser but it means you are comfortable with yourself enough to know you can go out on your own and not have anyone with you but still enjoy yourself
*Last but definitely not least. When you have God in your life nothing is impossible. Never lose faith in God and all your prayers will be answered. Not when you call but he will be there when the time is right

So as I enter this new year I hope the lessons I learnt will help me be a better person in the new year and though it may be difficult at times I know nothing stays the same.

The Power you hold

To my ladies,

What I am about to share with you is nothing you don't already know. Its been written about, your male friends have told you over and over again and your girlfriends have sat down with you and had this discussion. Its been preached at church, your parents have discussed this with you and in my humble opinion this topic is redundant but I feel that every once in awhile we have to be reminded because although we like to believe we get it, we really dont!

Women, we must understand how powerful we are! Amazingly men know how powerful we are. They know that even the the lowest of women has power that can bring the strongest man to his knees yet, we allow ourselves to lose our power because we think it doesnt make us attractive, or it doesnt make us vunerable or desireable by the male species when in all truths our power is what draws them in. Yet we dont know this power we hold so often times we allow others to take it away from us.

Now the topic I really want to discuss is the power of our punani. Yes lets be real. A lot of us dont understand the power it holds thats why some are soo quick to throw it out there thinking that it can draw the man in and yes it will draw him in but will it keep him? I know Steve Harvey wrote it that try to keep a man waiting before you give it up to him. However I know some people who honestly believe the oppposite. They think by giving it up as soon as he comes your way will keep him. Okay so yeah it might keep him around but dont expect him to take you over to his momma's house or ask your girlfriend what ring you will like. Now dont get me wrong, there are some people who were able to meet guys have sex with them pretty much second after meeting them and they are happily married. Good for them but they are the exception to the rule. If any of you watched the movie " He is not that into you' Justin Long's character eloquently put it " Most women are not the exeception to the rule, you are the rule" Yeah so Jane's girlfriend Molly is married to the man of her dreams after sleeping with him the same night she met him in the club, but really do you think thats going to happen for you? Probably not...nahh in fact it wont!

Now I am no prude and I am not here to judge. If you are "liberated" and you dont believe there is any timeline after meeting a guy to give him the goods then hey good for you. However you can't be upset if he suddenly starts checking girl next door who probably is not giving him the time of day yet he keeps going down her way because he realises that this is someone he can see himself married to. I dont care what you think, the double standard does exist. Men can do whatever they want yet we cant do the same. To be honest though, would you really want to do everything guys are able to do? I dont know about you but I dont want to. I know there are great things about being a woman and that is knowing that I have the power to bring a man to his knees and i wouldnt give it up just to be "liberated"

Ladies, another thing that really bothers me these days is thinking getting pregnant will reassure you committement. Maybe back in the day when our parents were younger that mess flew but these days men know they can be a father to their kid without being a husband to you. I have heard some craziness about how women are "getting pregnant" with the hope that the guy will stick around. if he does stick around then again you are the exception but if you really have to trap a man by getting pregnant by him then please answer me this. Why do you want a man you had to trap? Wouldnt you want a man who wants to stay because he chose to? Think about it!

I guess to conclude, ladies, understand your worth, Understand the power you hold, giving up sex to a guy you barely know will not guarantee you wifey status. Its not even going to gaurantee you girlfriend status. As much as we like to think otherwise we are emotional creatures, we may go in thinking its all fun and games but most times we are the firs to get caught up. I seriously believe when a guy cheats on his girl and says "she didnt mean anything to me it was just sex" he really means it. Men can dettach the emotional from the physical where as most of us cant. Think about it, most girls who end up sleeping around usually have a few men they are messing with at the same time to remove the emotional attachement where as a man can sleep with you for years and not fall in love with you.

If you are trying to be in a committed relationship with anyone go slow, dont give it up so quick get to know him, allow him to get to know you and trust me if he sticks around I am pretty sure he will stay after he gets it but if he says he cant wait then let him go, he wasnt yours to have. You might think otherwise but you cannot get a man by throwing it out to him that quick. My brother and I had an interesting discussion earlier on today. He said to me, " If you could get internet for free, would you really pay for it?" Of course i answered no. He said exactly. He is like let me tell you this, if you give it up to any man that easily I can gaurantee you he is not going to keep you around for ever. He might keep you till something better comes his way but he is not going to wife you.

Now Fellas I am curious to hear what you think. Your thoughts

Bring back the 90s

My title I know probably suggest a few things....One I may be reminscing about the 90s and realised how much fun I had or 2, I am in my 90's rnb mode and realised how great music was back then. If you are thinking 1 or 2 you are on the right track but not necessarily right on point.

Okay so for the past couple of days I have been listening to 90's rnb and maybe a few early 2000's and comparing it to music today, they definitely had it right back then. Music today in my humble opinion has lost its way. We focus too much on the beat than on the lyrics and when we do actually listen to the lyrics its talking about how to mistreat each other, how we have very little respect for ourselves and quite frankly our over hyped sexuality. It seems like in this day and age sex is ruling the world! If you are not having any you suck and if you are having some, its about how many people can you get! Our music has lost respect for the craft and for the people who listen to it.

Listening to 90s music, I do realise there was a lot of talk about sexuality but I noticed that it was more about making love than it was about having sex or to be extremely blunt and crass...fucked! There is no such thing as trying to make you my wife, now its about how many baby mammas do I have or how can I make you eat me out the right way...its sad but our music in my personal opinion has gone down the drain.

Well now lets talk about how the music is influencing our lives. So I am an 80s baby and in the 90s I was heading into my teens, My experience with men in my teens were very rare...if he wasnt a friend I played ball with I had no business with him so maybe I may not know what I am talking about here but bare with me. In my very humble opinion I like to think that men back in the 90's had more respect for women, they treated them better, they spoke to them better and quite frankly the men were better. Fast forward to 2010, It seems like men dont have any respect for us. The little things that were not tolerated back in the day seems to be the norm these days. With the advancement of technology it seems like men for some reason have just lost it! They dont care about how they make women feel, how they treat them or if they even matter.

Now I am not saying all the men in this decade are like that. I know quite a number of decent men and I know quite a number of trifling women. Yes some of us are to blame for the way the men treat us. Its not soley their faults but it just seems like a lot is going now in relationships that just makes no sense and I am trying to make sense of it all! Men now just seem more rude, more crass and just less respectful. They really dont care whose feelings they hurt or who they have to step on. I like to consider myself quite respectful and I like to treat other people with respect but it just seems like the more respect I show others the more disrespect I get. Are my expectations too high? Do I honestly believe I am all that and maybe I am not and thats why i am disrespected? Of course no one has done anything crazy like treat me like the Situation did to that silly girl on the last episode of Jersey shore for those of you who watched but it just seems like common curteousy and respect is out the window.... I dont know.. In my opinion they just dont make them like they used to!

Can someone please bring back the 90s????

your thoughts?

Only time will tell

I know I have been out of touch with my blog for awhile. Please forgive me. I am in my final weeks of school so it has taken up my time. I am however taking a break from it all to keep my readers updated and share whats been on my mind. Enjoy

I was listening to Joe's Good girls" today and I am a huuuuuuuuge Joe fan. Especially his older stuff. Anyway, if you have heard the song you might have heard this line "Now why are all the good girls taken everytime" Its just a song but I can't help but wonder how true that is? I mean women are quick to say how all the good men are taken then why can't men say the same thing? That being said, does that mean as a single woman I am not a good women?

My girls and I have been having this discussion for the past couple of days. It seems like everytime we think someone decent is coming our way, something happens and just like that he is out of lives. I can't but wonder, what are we doing wrong? What impression are we giving these men that keep them running out of our lives as quickly as they came in. Will our time ever come?

I look at my girls and myself and I say we are good women! I wouldnt be friends with them if I didnt think they were. We might not be in the financial position we wish to be in but we are working towards that, we are God fearing, well educated, strong, beautiful, trustworthy,loyal good women yet we are all single. My question again is, are we the bad women that no one wants?

People keep saying, Your time will come, just be patient, well I feel like I have been waiting for ever. Did the guy lose his way? His gps is faulty or did he take a longer route because I feel like I have been waiting for ever. I see everyone around me getting hooked up even the so called "bad" women seem to be settling down and yet I am still in the single lane waiting to cross into the HOV...when will it happen?

All I can say is, although I believe I am where i want to be, I may not be. I need to re-evaluate myself, look at the direction I am going. Start to focus on me and what I need and want, Where I need to be. My girl said, she needs to lower her standards because she believes her standards are too high. I told her no! Never EVER lower your standards. If you have managed to get to a place in your life on your own, why lower it to bring yourself back to where you started. I told her she might need to re-evaluate her choices but never lower them. Maybe she is focusing on the guy who is tall with the nice body, but the guy who might be a little shorter and might not have muscles buldging might be a better choice than the dreamy looking guy. Re-evaluating your choices simply means looking at all your superficial wants and re thinking those options and maybe being a little open minded to those who might not possess those superficial qualities but can bring to you things you need...

Love will come, It might not come when we want it, but it will come. Thats all I have to say.

Hypocritical

I have been feeling a little hypocriticl since I began this blog. Who am I to tell people how they should feel, who they should believe in when I dont not stand on any authority to justify what I have said in my past few blogs. After much thought and wanting to stay true to myself and to everyone else I feel it is necessary to share a side of me to make it easier to understand why I share my insight with everyone.

I am that girl. I am that girl, who allowed the man to take her power away from her. Who thought sharing parts of me with someone and not getting anyhing in return was okay because it meant I loved hard and I loved strong and giving it all will eventually lead to me getting all i wanted and desired. I believed it, I lived it and I was disappointed.

Dont get me wrong, I am not a bitter black woman who wants others to believe that because I put in my all and got nothing in return every woman should believe and think that way because quite frankly that is far from the case.

Here is my story

I believed in my heart of hearts, that loving someone meant giving them your heart, allowing them to step on yours if that meant it kept you tied to them. I did it all. i would sacrifice my time of studying to listen to him share his frustrations with me because I just wanted to show him I cared and i was always there for him completely ignoring the fact that what i had to get done was more important than listening to him moan and cry about his broken heart until all was well and i was kicked to the curb, I could barely get a hello out of him until I literally had to keep pressuring for him to acknowledge my exist and yet I continued on.

I believed all those sweet words he would tell me, letting me know how beautiful i was and that there was no one else like me, until I gave him my all and just like that, I no longer existed. I convinced myself that it was just a rough patch and that eventually he is going to realise how much he wants me however, days went by, months and eventually a year and still nothing, as quickly as he came into my life he was gone but i still believed he would come back. I would not let go....

The friend I honestly believed would turn to be more than a friend. I loved hard and I loved long and although i got nothing in return I believed that eventually he will change his mind and come to me, yet it took one small incident for me to once again become a figment of his imagination, yet still i held on believing and praying that things will go back to normal and he will love me and i will love him yet nothing changed....

It seems like a pattern with each man i gave myself to and it took me a very long time to realise that I allowed them to treat me the way they did, i allowed them to walk over me take advantage of me(whether they did it delibrately or not) it happened and I dont hate them, I dont despise them but I wish I had the strength that I do now, to have opened my eyes and realised, who I was and what I deserved. I blame it on my lack of self esteem, believing they were better than me, they had more to offer me than i had to offer them, therefore believing that I was lucky to have them in my life and thus I should tolerate whatever they threw my way because they were better than me. it took me a loong time to really look at myself and realise that I had sooo much to offer than and quite possibly more than they deserved. Although I do not discount the fact that they are great people and they do have a lot to offer, it took me beginning to love myself and realising that anyone who came my way would be lucky to have me and thus I had the power to decide who could have me.

All I am saying is, as wonderful and amazing being in love can be, its not worth it, if you give your all and not get anything in return. It's important to be in love with yourself and know who you are what you deserve. When you love you, its easier for others to love you back because they know that they are lucky to have you in their lives. I do believe good love exist and its out there but when you go looking for it, you misinterpret the wrong love for good. Sometimes its best to let it find you and believe it will be great when it does.

Taking Our Power Back

It's time ladies! The time has finally come. It's our time to take our power back and be in control. To face the world straight on with no fear or apprehension. We do not know what tomorrow holds but our excitement and curiousity will not allow us to hold back and sit back in fear, afraid that if we venture out our world as we know it will change for ever or worse what we know is all a lie. It's time to say I know what I need and deserve )

I am relatively young and quite inexperienced for my age but I catch on quick and I am a good observer so I know I make up for my lack of experience with my quick observation and listening skills. It seems like the conversation most women are having these days is about men. Someone might say what are you talking about? Women have been talking about men since man was created and men have been doing the same. However, as a young woman, at my age, the importance of men in a womans live has become more and more prevelant than it was to me a few years ago when my only priority time in life was to make it through school with flying colors. As I watch several young women embark on their life journey with a man,I can't help but hear the same thing over and over again. "I do not know where it went wrong?We were smooth sailing a day ago and now its come to a complete halt.What do I have to do to keep him in my life?"

Ladies I beleive its time we learnt to let go. No I do not say at the sign you should pack up and leave but when the relationship has run its course and at this point there is really no way of reviving the relationship its time to say, I did what I can, my time has come and I am ready to see what the world has to offer. I believe that most of us stay because its all we know. We dont know what the world holds for us and quite frankly its better to stay in misery than to move on and explore what life has to offer. Sometimes it could be the fear of admitting that something we put all our effort into has failed and failure is one word in my life I really could do without.

How is putting your all into a relationship that did not work out deemed as failure? Quite frankly in my humble opinion its a success because you were able to maintain a relationship for a period of time that brought you joy yet pain and you came out still standing. That is success to me. Going through the elements and still being able to walk away when the time has come. Women its time we took our power back. Its time we knew when to walk away and live life not knowing what to expect but are excited at the possiblities.

A friend of mine told me, "there is nothing you can't do if you put your mind to it. If you are put on a plane and your only way off it was to jump or else you crash, you will jump not knowing what to expect when you jump but it sure is better than dying" Yes it is sure better than dying because there is a 50% chance that you will land on soft ground and that is far better than knowing you are going to do for sure.

I also believe that we as women do not know our own abilities. We are so set in our ways that we do not believe we could branch away and do something different when the time comes. We are all strong. There is nothing that we cannot withstand and survive through it...we just need to learn to let go.

Single ladies I believe we must also know our strength and what we deserve. Yes at times it may seem like we are destined to singledom and the only way we can get out of it is settle for the next best thing. It gets lonely at night when all you want is a warm body to cuddle with or someone to call you and remind you how beautiful you are. As nice as all those things seem how long does it last till we are singing with our not so single sisters that relationships are not as glamourous as they should be but at least we have a man. Why do we continue to subject ourselves to hurtful and painful relationships just to have someone. Why do we allow ourselves to be treated as second class citizens if that means we at least have someone who knows our names. Why do we give and give and are okay with not getting anything in return but the minute we do get something we think that man is the greatest person in the world for his first and only measly attempt to make you smile.

I know its hard and I know its lonely but the minute we take our power back and we learn our self worth there is nothing and no one who can stand up against us. Love yourself and the love will come to you. Learn to expect the best and you will receive the best.