As the year comes to an end

Hey lovelies

Yes I know its been awhile, I really dont know who to blame for my absence other than the fact that i had a very busy summer and it seems i am having a busier fall but I guess the biggest reason for my lack of correspondance is primarily due to the fact that I havent had a lot to say lately. Here I am though, and I know its probably a month early but I figured I'll get my "what I have learned through the year" post out now.

This has been a very interesting year to say the least. there has been a lot of changes in my life, both good and bad but its been a good year to say the least. One thing I will say is, positive thinking and strong faith in God can really get you far and most importantly keep you sane. I really do give Thanks to the Almighty because many of the great things that happened in my life this year is primarily due to him and I am most grateful for that. As most of you know, last year at this time I was unemployed...I hadnt given up hope but I realy was beginning to wonder if I would find a job..well the fact that I am using my lunch time at work to type this post is a clear indication that my situation did change. I found a job right at the beginning of the year and its already been 11 months since I first started. Although my job situation is not 100% stable right now, its still a great opportunity and I do believe its only going to get better from here.

Let me get right into it, for the things I realised this year.

1. Faith can move mountains. It make take a lot of prayer but when God is ready to work in your life, you will be amazed at how your life can transform in ways you never imagined.

2. Every encounter in your life was meant to happen. Each person you meet may serve a purpose in your life. You may not always know what their purpose is but as time goes by you realise that their impact in your life was great. May be great may not be so great but they always leave with teaching you something you may not have known before.

3. Learning to let go. I think this is one thing I am still learning. I think especially when it comes to dealing with the oppossite sex, many of us dont want to let go because the reality that the person does not like you, or doesnt deserve you or is just not meant for you is a hard pill to swallow but until you let go, how do you even really make room for those who are meant to come in and stay?

4. You may have friends you think will always be in your life but it may just take one incident for them to leave. As sad as it may be to lose them(and I dont mean by death) sometimes its probably for the best that they left because their time in your life is done. I usually smile at those situations and thank them secretly for being part of my life and wish them the best on their journey forward and if they are meant to come back into your life, they will but at God's given time.

5. I think the biggest challenge for me since forever is loving myself. I dont mean loving who I am as person in terms of my psychological, spiritual or emotional attributes but loving myself physically. Appreciating every part of my body, whether its my legs, my face, my hair, my breast whatever it is. For a long time, I would look in the mirror and just find all my flaws and depress myself with how I look but as I get older I have learned to stand in the mirror naked and just stare at myself and admire what I do have... I am by no means perfect or close to perfect but I think I am gradually beginning to see what others have been pointing out to me for years and I am loving it. I do have some more work to do, but I am loving every inch of my body and not to sound vain I am a beautiful person, physically and mentally and I wont let anyone tell me otherwise....which leads to my next point

6. learning to stand my ground. One comment I get very often is I am too nice...and trust me its not a compliment when I am told this. Some people believe this may be a weakness of mine. Some may argue that I allow people to take advantage of me and walk over me. Its true I do, not because I am too nice but thats generally my nature. I am learning to be stronger and learn to stand my ground but I also think that sometimes going out of your way for people is a good thing...you never know when the tables will turn and they may need you.

7. Learning to appreciate those who appreciate you. I think this is something we all take for granted to some extent. I am pretty sure we are all guilty of this to some extent. We are constantly breaking our backs, reaching out, or doing things for people who wont do the same for you or even if they will, its very rarely. I am soo guilty of that. I am the queen of keeping in touch. Even prior to email, bbm, texting, phones I was soo diligent with taking out my pen an paper and writing lengthy letters to people who would never reply or if they did, usually months later with a one line saying" I am doing well, hope you are well too keep in touch" However those who would constantly reach out to me, show their love on every birthday, special event, calling me all the time just to make sure I had had a good day, I took for granted. Now dont get me wrong, I did appreciate them but I also knew that they were okay and thats why i didnt bother but I am beginning to realise with time that, those who didnt show me the same care really dont deserve all my attention either. I think in relationships feelings and behaviour should be reciprocrated. So yes one person may not be good at texting or emailing as often but I do believe there should be other ways of the person showing you they care as often as you show them you care so I have decided that from now on, I will show love to those who show me love and to those who dont, well you know where to find me when you want to find me.

8. Last but most definitely not least. I think the biggest thing I may have learnt this year is just trying to be a better person in all aspects of my life! Whether its my relationship with God, or my friends and family, even at work. Just trying to be the person I believe God wants me to be and appreciating each day I am on earth. Life is not perfect and our world most certainly isnt but i think if we can take each moment we have to thank God for all the small things anda big things in our life it will change our outlook on life. Its such an easy thing to stay negative and to always find the bad in every situation but if you really take the time to look at all the good in the world you will realise that the Good most definitely outweighs the bad. So until you begin to realise that, you will continue to stay in your negative runt.

9. No one should ever be too busy to reach out to you. I find that people constantly use the "I've been busy" excuse for their reason for not keeping in touch. I dont think thats true. Yes we do get busy and sometimes we do let life take over some of the more important stuff in our lives but I really and truly believe that if someone really means a lot to you, there is nothing in this world that can keep you away from them. So Ladies and Men, when someone tells you they have been busy hence their silence just take it as a sign to mean you are not important enough for me to factor you into my life. I may be wrong but I like to believe that anyone who considers you important will make the time.

I wish you all the best in your lives. A beautiful and Happy Christmas and an exciting and Prosperous New Year. I am hoping that I can have another opportunity to write to you guys before the year ends but incase I dont, Its been real!

Peace!

Real wisdom from a youngster

I know its been awhile...lets just say I allowed life to take control but I am back and hopefully with some insightful things to say.

As you may know, I recently celebrated my birthday and for those of you who know me and know me well, you know my birthday is a pretty big deal. I love my birthdays because its that one day in the yea where I feel like its okay to be exactly who I am because people will love and tolerate me at least for the day. Not to say i become a complete brat but I like the feeling of feeling special and having all the attention on me for a change...but not only does it make me feel special but its also a chance for me to really reflect on my life and see how far I have come and how far I still have to go. This birthday was no different and once again I reflected on how far I have come and how far I have yet to go.

Recently the topic of love has been on my mind a lot...what does love really entail, why are we willing to deal with people who may not feel the way we do or why do we know we love someone yet still turn around and break their heart. I cant say i have come up with any solid answers but I have discussed this with a few people and each have different opinions on the matter but the one thing that they all said in common was when you find love, nothing or no one will stop you for going for it.

Often times, we think we have found the one. We believe in our hearts that the person we are hopelessly in love with is the one. Yet they give us every reason in teh book why they are not the one. They are not as attentive to us, they seem to have all the excuses in the book as to why you and them just cant be together and they just dont seem to show that they care enough to really make you feel like they are the ones for you. Despite all their actions we still hold on and pray that the they change and they suddenly start doing everything to prove to you that they are the ones. In the mean time, we may be passing on other opportunities with other people because we believe in our hearts of hearts that your "one" is really the one.

I had a really interesting conversation with my cousin today and she went in...i was actually quite surprised because although I know she can be very expressive when she is passionate about something I have never really seen her really go on about anything. She pretty much said, there is nothing in this world that will prevent you from being with someone if you really care for them. It doesnt matter if you have oceans seperating you, you are not in the financial position you want to be in, or you just dont think you have the emotional strength to keep going. when you love someone all you can think about is being with that person so if it means you have to deal with all the clear obstacle and unclear obstacles in your way you will do it. The minute someone is not willing to jump that first hurdle for you, there is a possiblity they never will. So this is when you need to ask yourself, Are you willing to wait till they decide to at least jump one hurdle, or are you going to move on and find that one who is willing to swim the ocean for you if it means they can have you?

Of course nothing she has said was new to me, hell I have shared that same opionion and thoughts with others but it really put it into perspective coming from her because knowing she was in a situation where there were soo many obstacles in her way yet she was dealing with each obstacle everyday because all she wanted was to be with her signficant other made me realise that nothing in this world should hold me back or anyone back from being with who you love.

that being said, love is a two way straight, you must give to receive just as you must receive to give, so yes you may be willing to jump off the boat and swim an ocean for that person but if they are not willing to do the same then whats the point? This is really when you must decide in your heart that are you willing to let go of your "one" to find the one who wants you as their "one" as well or are you going to keep holding on and praying that your one finally sees you as your one even if it means you miss out on something thats even greater and better than what you have set out for yourself.

Before I finally end this, just remember this. In life we all have things we want and hope for and we will do everything in our power to get it even if the odds are against us and it just seems like the more we try the more we fail. But make sure that whatever you are fighting for is really what you are meant to have. Sometimes God is the reason these things are not working because he knows there is something bigger and better in store for us and he wants us to be patient as he prepares it for us. So all I will say is learn to let go and Let Go. The heart can heal...the heart will heal so learn to say goodbye....as Beyonce said...I finally found the good in bye. Have you ever looked back in your life and saw the person you were hopeless in love with turned out to be completely wrong for you? and you ask yourself what did i see? Well maybe one day you will say the same about the person you just cant seem to let go of even though you really should.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder

I am sure a lot of you have heard about the article published and then pulled out of the Psychology today journal titled black women are the least attractive women. I haven't read the article personally but clips of it here and there that I have seen, the writer states objectively black women are the least attractive yet subjectively we believe we are more attractive than we really are. As terrible as that sounds and as untrue as that statement is, you can't help to wonder why he believes this is so and does the world secretly agree with him yet are too afraid of being politically incorrect so we all remain quiet.

Of course I do not agree with his thesis in any shape or form and I am not going to point out which race has the least attractive women or people for that matter because in all honesty beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder so my definition of beauty might not necessarily be your definition and vice verse but to come out and point out one race of women is least attractive than the other is wrong.

However, my blog is not to bash the writer but to really explore that topic and find if to some extent we (black women) give this man the bases to come to this conclusion. I am going to break it down into topics and discuss each separately.

Hair

As you know black womens hair comes in all different textures and and length. Naturally, our hair is course, tightly coiled and weaker when wet. Yet due to chemical products, electrically engineered tools and the help of an asian women we are able to straighten, lenghten and change our hair texture. Now for someone who has gone through the motions with her hair and has finally decided to wear her hair the way God created me, plus some colour to give me some pizzazz I can totally relate to the frustration of needing to straighten our sometimes unruly mane, however when we go as far as to dye our hair blond(a colour I personally doesn't go quite well with dark skin and would like to think God thought so as well and hence us having black hair) and to put in 5 foot weaves, you can't help but wonder do we do these things because we see our lighter skinned sisters(and I mean non black) and admire their blond hair and long hair that we will do whatever to look like them? Of course I am in no way shape or form saying people dye their hair blond or put in long weaves to look white but is it possible some do exactly that for that reason?

Fading creams.

Now I am not stupid I know "fading creams" are to "fade away" blemishes from scares but we have all seen those who have gone as far as to use it to lighten their skin completely. Most recently and famously we know of Vybz Kartel the reggae and dancehall who completely went from dark to light and I am sure we have seen many women do the same. Now why do people do that?? Again you can blame it on the fact that it was a fade gone wrong or do they really find lighter skin more attractive??

Black men

Now you know I can't talk about black women without touching on black men. Of course with the increase of interracial marriages and relationships where majority of the interracial relationships being a black man with a non black women its only natural I touch on this. Now I personally have nothing against interracial relationships and having white ancestry myself I obviously cannot have anything against it. People have a preference and that's totally okay however there are some who in the process of dating outside their race have a tendency to down talk the black women by talking about not having long flowy hair (yes someone actually told me that was their reason they didn't like black women) and the fact that we are too independent. (Incase u didn't know non black women are also independent). Fact of the matter is no matter how a black man categorizes us we are women and women are the same regardless of race. Yes our approach initially to a situation may be different but at the end of the day if provoked we all can get a little crazy.

Also many of the music videos out today rarely show darker skinned women. Is it possible that they do believe that lighter women are generally more attractive??

Magazines

Recently the top 100 most beautiful people list came out and so did Maxims 100 hottest women came out and I believe only 5 percent max featured black women as one of the top 100 hottest or beautiful women. Now I could probably list at least 10 people off the top of my head in show business that easily could have made the list and that's not discounting the 1000 others who could be considered but of course its top 100 so they had a limit but again why is it that the only 5 percent or less represented were black?? In my opinion the number 1 person I felt should not have been number black or not but then again beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Now I could go on and on about this topic and mind u these are all observations I have made. I am in now way shape or form saying I am a credible source. This is purely my opinion. You can choose to agree with me or disagree and again I do not agree with the writer of the article that black women are the least attractive because I don't think there is nothing written anywhere that outlines what beauty looks like but I do feel that so much is out that that could give this man the bases to make such judgements and we are not doing much to prove him wrong.

Second chances

I am a firm believer in second chances. I can't say why I am but all I know is the number of times I mess up, if I didn't get a second chance, Only God knows where I would be today. Not to say anytime I made a mistake I was given a second chance to redeem myself because honestly I don't think that would be a good idea either but usually when I am given a second chance I usually take advantage of that and make sure I rectify things. Of course that's coming from me, I am sure if u ask the person I wronged they may think differently but so far they haven't said anything so I guess I did make my wrong right.

Now I know sometimes some people need several chances to get It right. I can't say I know why but if I was to make an assumption it could be for a variety of reaons, one they probably were not aware they did something wrong in the first place so they cannot comprehend the severity of their actions so they may repeat it again because they do not know what exactly they did wrong which in that case its the responsibility of the one affected to clearly lay out what they did wrong and explain why that act should not be repeated or 2 they are slow learners so it takes several mistakes to make it right or 3, they just don't care and if that's the case u shouldn't be given them a second chance at all.

There are also people like me. Very forgiving. We know some people just have to be given a second chance, maybe 3rd or 4th chances because we know that nobody is perfect and u don't know when the show will be on the other foot and u will need that chance. However what we need to also put into consideration is the fact that some people just don't care enough about your feelings so no matter how many chances u give them they are going to keep repeating the same mistake until u say enough is eenough and maybe the only way to get ur point across is to walk away and let them know that you have no more chances to give. Its hard though to do that because deep down u believe people are inherently good and though they may come across as not caring deep down if u walked away they will do whatever it takes to get you back.

Now the question is, is that healthy for either parties? I don't know. It might be because it sends the message across that you cannot be toyed with at the same time that person might learn not to take people for granted because they can be gone today.

Now don't confuse forgiveness for second chances because as important as it is to forgive and not necessarily because the person wants it, its more for you doesn't mean that they deserve a second chance. It just means u have let them go and u are allowing them to live their lives knowing u do not despise them and are holding them spiritually hostage by not forgiving them but it means u realise your worth and ur need to be happy and so u are getting rid or anything or anyway who has u contantly feeling defeated and lost.

Now as I keep pondering on the issue of when do u let go all I can say is this. Know when enough is enough and as important as second chances are, remember they are called second chances for a reason...you only get a second try and that's it.

Hey Young World

A letter to the younger generation

I am totally appalled and disgusted by your attitude towards life and your bodies. I wonder each day how and when did these innocent babies turn into these sex crazed, no respect for anyone especially themselves young adults. I sit back and watch you on the bus sit in seats designated for the elderly, disabled, or parents with young kids and not offer your seat to any of these designated groups yet when someone points that out to you, you have the nerve to insult and yell at them for even suggesting u stand when u are perfectly able to instead of apologizing and making sure u don't repeat yourself.

I see you in public with your significant others (mind u the word boyfriend was not allowed in my vocabulary until I was 18) and if I didn't know better I would seriously believe u were having sex if I didn't see u with your clothes on. So eager to send "sexts" and email pictures of yourself naked to each other and proudly post them online or suddenly through a fit when its posted online. (What did u expect to happen when you hit send you big dummy!) I see how you are so quick to offer your goods to sometimes to the lowest bidder just to fit in yet when your counter part refuses to do the same u laugh and tease them till they are forced to do the same. Shame on you!

You disrespect your parents, your elders. Parents are afraid to discpline because they fear for their safety or the consequences of the law. They fear that if they speak up and take action they may lose you so they keep their mouths shut. Gone are the days when children had a healthy fear of their parents. They always put into consideration what their parents would think before they acted. Gone are the day when the rod was not spared when discplining a child but these days all the parents have to do is raise their voice and the police are knocking on their door ready to cart them away.

As easy as it would be to blame you for your actions I can't do that entirely without blaming your parents. Parents are no longer taking responsibility on how they raise their children. Either they don't care enough or they are too afraid of not allowing their kids to "express themselves" blaming everything on the fact that their children are going through a "phrase" instead of nipping those actions in the bud the minute they display them and waiting till its too late to do something. Media can be blamed, with the over abundance of reality tv and tv shows that glorify teenage sexuality but come on let's be real, at the end of the day if something is not done at home no amount of tv can be blamed for the action of bad kids

Younger generation, learn to love yourself. Learn to be individuals. Stop basing who you are on who and what other people are. Dont be a follower, be a trendsetter. Who cares if you are not "cool" by your peers standards" Secretly they admire you for being an individual. Disrespecting your body doesnt make you popular and well liked, it makes you susceptible to disease, teenage pregnancy and quite frankly the title "slut" this does not exclude the young boys too.

Learn to say No when its necessary. Most importantly learn some mannners and some respect! Dont always fight those who mean well and are looking out for your best interest. Yes I do know that your parents may not always have the right answers or make the best decisions but it doesnt give you the righ to disrespect them and mistreat them. Wearing next to nothing clothes doesnt make you sexy...Dressing appropriately for your age and leaving some parts hidden makes you classy yet sexy.

The right person loves you no matter who you are. No need to dress a certain way, speak a certain way, or act a certain way to get noticed. You are noticed when you are yourself.

Love each other and stop making others feel less adequate. Stop judging people for who they are, gay, straight, short fat, tall, slim. They are who they are. Enpower each other and lift each other. Be supportive and lend a shoulder to someone in need.

I am not saying i am any better bu it doesnt mean you have the right to be worse. Time to be you!

Disgusted

On saturday,I was speaking to a friend and she told me a very disturbing story that came out of Ghana. Of course, I dont know the validity of this story and I refuse to watch the videos associated to this story nor will I post it on my blog for others to see because I refuse to take part in distributing this video but I am extremely appalled and disgusted by this story and I hope that something will be done about this unfortunate incident that happened in Ghana.

A young girl on the University of Ghana, Legon campus was caught stealing a laptop, of course as bad as stealing is, what was done to her is far worst than her stealing the lap top. She was caught by a group of guys who then started beating her up for stealing...not unusual in Ghana since most theives are beaten...to death at times and then to make matters worse, they strip her clothes and start filming the whole incident to the point of them filming her private parts. From what I hear, she was later raped.

Of course my part of the story is based on heresay but if anyone can verify the information for me, please feel free to comment on this blog.

What upsets me about this whole story is, the poor girl is now in police custody for the crime that she committed while the men are still out there. The fact that the boys are going unpunished...at least for now for this incident and the fact that they posted this video online is appalling! Why should any, be treated in this manner for stealing anything??????? Why does it always happen that in most cases when these situations involve a woman she is the one who gets the shorter end of the stick? Women all around the world seem to be punished for the mistakes they make when the men who choose to take drastic, inhumane disgusting action agains these women go scott free.

Before you rush to say North America is excluded, Just a few weeks ago, a Police officer in Toronto, who was giving a talk at one of the University came out and said that if young women didnt dress like sluts they wouldnt be targeted for rape. He came back later to apologise but believe me when I say women in canada didnt not let him go scot free for making such a statement. They took to the streets and protested against that statement. Women in Arab countries are put to death, beaten,canned what have you for their transgressions but then what happens to these men? Nothing!

I really hope that women groups around the world will take a stance on this issue. I really hope that people stand up against such injustice. Most importantly we need to stop distributing this video!

I am totally disgusted by what has happeend and I hope you are too.

Why do we lie?

Contrary to what the subject says I am not necessarily talking about lying in the traditional sense although once can debate or argue what traditional lying is. But what I really want to to talk about is lying about our feelings or denying what we are feeling.

Back me up a moment, I might be the only one who does this, but if I am not I am sure u can relate, so you have a friend, you know you have feelings for them that can border on being more than friends. Everyone around you clearly sees that you have feelings for that person yet when u are asked you tell them time and time again, No. We are just friends, they are like a brother/sister to me. Yet when u are allow you can't stop thinking about them, you crave to hear from them and each second you are with them you wish it will never end. So my question to you guys today is why do we lie about how we really feel about that special person? Do we say we don't have feelings for them because once we admit it out loud we are admitting it to ourselves? Are you worried that the questions will follow? The why? Where? How? Is it because we have found every excuse why you can never be more than friends? Is it because u honestly believe they don't feel the same way so once u put it out there you are going to have to deal with being rejected? Is it the fear of rejection? Your family? I mean someone help me out or did I answer my own question?

That being said then one response I have to at least one of those questions is, stop thinking too much? Sometimes we can't make assumptions when we really don't know for a fact. So why focus on the many reasons why it can't work when there is probably a very good reason it can? Any relationship takes work, long distance or not you have to put in the work. No relationship is easy nor is it perfect but if you want it bad enough then you can make it happen. Ask those who are in long distant relationships and are now married to their partners how they made it work. If its rejection you are afraid of then what do you have to lose? If they say no, they say no. They were not meant for you anyway. Doesn't make them bad, it just means they were not the one. I mean easier said than done, but coming from someone who has been rejected a time or two, I can tell u that u will live through it. Your ego may hurt for a few days, you might wonder why they don't want u, hell you might cry a bit but u pick yourself up and you move forward. You have to be rejected a few times just to know you can deal with life. Everyone gets rejected at some point, just like you reject others. If you havr a solid enough friendship, you can move past it and carry on and if you can't then maybe you only became friends with them because u liked them more than a friend.

Either way I am asking this question so feedback will be appreciated. If you also agree with my part answer to then that's great but whatever the case, why do we lie?

Pedestal

Okay so I know I have blogged on this topic before but I guess it doesn't hurt to bring it up again.

I think that most of us sometimes sell our self short. It doesn't matter what it is in life. To some extent we don't believe in our own abilities or our own worth or what we are made of or what we bring to the table. I think sometimes we meet someone who is accomplished has so much going for them and immediately we start to feel inadequate and we wonder if we can ever measure up.

I know this is particularly the case when it comes to relationships. We meet someone special, they walk into our lives with all these accomplishments and accolades and we look at our dreary lives and we wonder how will we ever measure up? How can such a great person even want anything to do with me? Even if they want me around? For how long? What can I bring to the table that will at least get me one step up so I at least feel like I am on my way to getting on their level. All I have to say to that is STOP! Stop stop stop stop!! Shut up!! Seriously? Are you going to base your worth on someone who just brings a piece of paper to the relationship listing all they have accomplished when you really that doesn't make them who they are?

My question to you the next time you start measuring yourself to someone accomplishments is what else do they bring to the table? Are they God fearing? Do they have a good family life? Are they respectful of others and themselves? Do they respect you? Do they live their lives like God is their guide? Do they have a good heart? Are they loyal? Honest? how do they treat their kids...if they have any? Really these are the sort of things we should be thinking about when we meet someone. What they have managed to accomplish whether through education, or professionally or financially is definitely nothing to frown upon but really if all that was gone today what do they have left?

I am no way shape and form saying that its okay to go for someone who is not ambitious because they are loving and caring because lets be real, love doesn't keep a roof over your head but at the same time its good to have an equal balance of both. You have to know that whoever you are going in for, can provide for you, emotional, spiritual, mental and physical stimulation as well as some security to know that no matter what happens they will always do their best to provide for you when you cant provide for yourself. Mind you, you also have to realise that you may not have the financial means or educational level or professional experience they may possess but if you are working towards that but you can provide, the love, support, spiritual need, emotional need and physical need they need in their life, then in my humble opinion you are definitely on their level.

Next time you meet someone great, don't just look at what they bring to the table based on their accomplishments and make your decision based on that but really dig deep and see if this person is really the person you need before you start questioning yourself about your own worth or most importantly if you should bring them into your life because at the end of the day, WE are all worthy, don't let anyone or anything let you feel less. If we can come before God when we really are not worthy of him then we can definitely come before man when we are worthy of them.

Have you said Hi today?

As you may have noticed, it has been quite a while since my last blog. I could blame it on lack of inspiration which is part of the reason I havent blogged in awhile but the biggest reason is that I havent found the time to sit back and really type something down. I have had some major changes in my life and although I like to think I have found a balance between everything going on and my personal life I just havent found the time or the energy to put something down.

That statement I just wrote is the inspiration behind this blog and I'll tell you why. Its soo easy as people to have a life style change and we immediately forget everything else that was important to us. It could be our hobbies that gave us a sense of purpose, or it could be good friends who were there to support you in everything you were going through, It could be your parents, your boyfriend or girlfriend or that special person who makes an effort to show you more love than at times you deserve. Yet the minute the person is no longer in our lives, or that possibility is removed from our lives we start to regret not taking the time to really appreciate that person more.

I know its hard sometimes to prioritize whats important and sometimes some things just take more time than others, it could be that work is very busy right now so you end up spending more hours at work or you are taking a new class so you spend more time in class or doing homework than you can spend on anything else. Thats all fine and fair and it makes sense but I also like to think that in this day and age with all the technology we have available to us, keeping in touch has only got easier and easier to the point where making excuses are not even justifiable.

Another thing I find most of us never make time to do is going to church. It seems like from Monday to friday we can wake up at the crack of dawn to get ready to go work on time, we might take time after work to go to the gym or whatever plans we might schedule after work, the weekend roles around and we fill it with all sorts of activities, yet sunday roles around and we suddenly are too tired, or we need to finish up some stuff before work on monday or its too cold so taking the time to go to church becomes an issue. Sometimes its just really difficult to go to church yet I like to think that if we have time for everything else happening in our lives then church should not be an excuse. Of course I am guilty of a few of those excuses but really why should we have an excuse when it comes to finding time to praise God after everything he does for us.

Pretty much my babbling here is just to say, lets stop taking our lives, friends, family and most importantly God for granted. I do know its difficult at times to really take the time out to find time for other things other than work or whatever else you go through but I find, that we only start having regrets when that important person in our life is taken from us. Why not avoid those regrets today and take the time and reach out. Also, dont use life as an excuse not to respond back to someone who has taken time out of their day to reach out to you. All it takes is a couple of minutes to say hi!

Beautiful just the way you are

This evening on my way to the gym, i was on the bus and I saw this young girl, standing with her huge back pack listening to her ipod. She looked about 13 with a shy demeanor about her yet slightly unsure of herself. Very innocent and all I could do was say a small prayer for her that she grows up to love herself and not let society and friends influence her to be someone she is not. I know weird for me to do that for someone I know nothing about but the world we live in today, you really dont know what people are going through so the best thing to do is say a prayer for them and wish them well...

I know my thoughts were far fetched and a bit extreme considering I knew nothing about this young girl but someone was telling me today how she was in the hospital with her teenage son and she saw a lot of anorexic teenagers who were near death because for some reason or the other they didnt believe that they were slim enough to be noticed. I am no expert on anorexia so it will be ignorant of me to say that they became anorexic because of societal pressures to be slim but for a teenage girl to be that sick obviously it may be fair to assume that is what it is.

Now most of you who have read my blogs and know who I am, may know that my own self image at times has not always been where it needs to be. I have tried excessive diets to lose the weight just to lose a few pounds and put it all on again because for some reason I believed that when the weight came off, it would stay off so you can imagine my disappointment when it kept coming back. Of course I was no near anorexic but what makes what I was doing any different than these bullemic or anorexic girls who are doing the same.

I will say this though, we are gradually becoming a society where we are beginning to accept people for who they are, big or small, tall or shot, fat or skinny but we still have a long way to go. We have to fight obesity, we have to fight anorexic and we have to fight the biggest problem, lack of self confidence which pretty much is the key to all the image problems that are faced by our young people today.

Once we learn to teach our young people especially our young women that beauty is not what you wear, how much make up you have on, how slim or fat you are but really what is in side of you then hopefully young people today wont be so concerned about their body image.

I no way shape or form am I promoting people to gain weight but I feel we need to really get out of this whole mentality that looking a certain way will make you more beautiful, or more desired or more popular. Parents need to teach their kids that taunting others and bullying others only makes you look like a coward and insecure because bullies are insecure people who dont feel they are good enough so they prey on people who they believe are beneath them when really these people are strong beautiful individduals who have done nothing wrong but accept that they are who they are but people obviously think they are not good enough.

While that young girl I saw today is just another young girl I hope that she grows up to be a beautiful self assured individual who learns to believe that her beauty has nothing to do with how she looks outwardly but what inside is what really counts. Lets try to stop bullying and anorexia. Lets get our magazines and tv shows to start showing that beautiful people do not come in a standard size but they all come in different shapes and sizes. Even models and TV stars dont look the way they portray them to be.

All rounded

In life, when we start building relationships and friendships you usually start out with an endless amount of people in your life. As you grow older and wiser you realise that the endless amount of people you have in your life gradually become countable to a point where you might actually be able to count the "all rounded" people on one hand. You might view this as a good or bad thing depending on who you are and how you view life but I'll break it down to you in a few and you can decide for yourself if this is a good or bad thing.

I used to be that person who considered everyone a good friend. I dont know how many countless arguments I had with my mom about this topic where she always said "You and your everyone is my friend mentality" At that time I used to find her statement annoying and I would always say she didnt know what she was talking about but the older I got, the more I understood why she would be upset with me thinking everyone was a good friend when really they werent.

Now dont get me wrong. In no shape or form would I say any of these people who used to be in my life are bad people. Nor would I say they were bad for me because I like to believe I am a good judge of character so anyone who was in my life at some point in time was a good person. I just believe that as I grew older and as they did as well, we realised that our relationship was not destined to last through the time and we just drifted apart. I am sure this is not unusual to anyone. It happens, your relationships change, you have different goals in life, you move away and you just lose touch. I am pretty sure you might run into each other at some point in your life, share pleasantries reminsicing on old times, walk away smiling but wont for a second regret them no longer being in your life. In fact you might thank God they came into your life for the period of time they were in and keep it moving.

I am sure you have all heard that analogy about the leaves, branches, roots or the seasons kind of friendship and its all true, however I want to branch off a little bit and say something completely different. You may have heard it before so it wont be completely brand new to you but for those of you who havent, pay attention.

Just because you will go out of your way for a friend, doesnt necessarily mean they will do the same for you. I believe thats why its written in the bible that when you give, give whole heartedly with no expectations of getting anything in return because you might never get anything in return but the feeling that you did something great for someone. Like they always say your reward is in heaven and I truly believe that. I say this because most of us go out of our way to help a friend but when the tables are turned and they don't do the same for us we become extremely upset and want to make them feel guilty for not reciprocating the favour. Seriously though, why should they? Unless you signed some piece of paper saying that if I do this for you, you have to do the same for me when I need you to they owe you absolutely nothing. Of course ethically and morally it seems like the right thing to do but really why should they?

I like to say to people all the time that you should know who you are friends are and what you can depend on them for. You might have a friend that you know that if you needed financial assistance they will be the first to write you a check. Yet, if you need a place to stay for awhile they will be the last person to offer you a place. There are some people that you know that if you have some good news to share they will be the first to run to the mountains to celebrate your good news with you. However if you need their opinion on a pressing matter they will be the first person to discourage you from doing it. There are also people in your life that you know no matter what your problem is they will be there to support you no matter what. They are the ones I call the all rounded friends. Your all rounded friends are usually very few...at times they may be just one person and if you are lucky to be blessed with an all rounded friend thank your stars and keep them close.

By no means shape of form does it mean the other people in your life who are not all rounded are bad because believe it or not, you are not everyones all rounded friend. Just like you cant help everyone who comes your way, is the same way they cant do the same for you.

All I am saying is, dont get upset with anyone who cant come through for you when you need them. You obviously do not know why they can't be your all rounded friend. It doesnt mean that when the tables are turned and they need you, you also hold back. Just know what purpose they serve in your life and keep it moving. Whatever the case is, they are in your life for a reason so thank God for their purpose in your life and keep it moving because like I said you are not everyones all rounded freind as well.

Wide Open

My cousin and I spent a good amount of time talking about this subject yesterday and I felt that it was important that I talk about this topic since I feel its something I am trying in my life right now.

I like to believe that I am pretty open minded. Open minded on many topics, Homosexuality and Lesbianism, The death penalty, abortion, racism and what say you. That being said though I really wondered how open minded I was about my own life and the possibilities that are out there for me. Its soo easy to get up and say I believe that anyone should have the right to be married to whoever they want to be married to. Whether it be two men getting married or two women but in all honesty when it boils down to it, I have/had a long list of requirements I had when it came down to who I had to be involved with. I am pretty open minded about where I could go on holiday but when it boils down to it, I was very specific on where I needed to live and work. I am not saying it makes me a hypocrite because being open minded doesnt mean you cant have requirements but I think it made me very restrictive and it put me in a more difficult situation than I would have been if I had allowed myself to open up and explore the possibilities.

I realised that as a young woman with no responsibilities to anyone but myself, I realy have no reason to be closed minded on anything. I have no reason to prevent myself from going anywhere or dating anyone. Of course doesnt mean that any tom dick and harry that walks my way will get a chance with me. However I noticed that I was soo restrictive in terms of who I could date, Who they should be, where they had to come from, how they looked and quite frankly I havent had much success with my restrictions. Yet I look around and I look at people who have allowed themselves to open up and not let themselves be too restricted by their requirements are those who are happily involved and even when things didnt work out the way they had hoped, they brushed their shoulders off and moved on.

Its soo amazing because the minute I started to allow myself to be open minded about anything this year it has been so very freeing. I realised I am stressing less because I always have a plan b, c, d and even e lined up. I also realised that so far I have been pleasantly surprised.

So this year I told myself. I am going to be open minded. I am going to allow myself to see how far I can go. If an opportunity presents itself somewhere across the world, I'll give it a shot. I have nothing to lose. At the end of the day if I give it a shot and I dont like it, I have nothing stopping me from coming back home. I am going to also allow myself to see what the possibilities can be with anyone I see myself getting along well with. He might not fit the total description of my "perfect" mate but at the same time who is to say he is not my "perfect" mate.


I think our biggest hesitancy about being open minded is the fear of the unknown. The fear that being open minded sets us up for more disappointment and heart break. At least when you are close minded you can almost predict the outcome yet being open minded means everything you think you know might be wrong and in that respect you might have to change your way of viewing the world. Had America not been open minded about voting in a Black President we would never had been given the chance to see how great President Barack could be.

I think its important that we all give ourselves a chance this year to explore the possibilities. Step out of your comfort zone and see where life can take you. If it doesnt even work out the way you hoped it will, Just brush your shoulders off and keep it moving. If anything at all, You gave yourself to experience something new.

Age aint nothing but a number

I really wanted to think of a title that wouldnt give away my topic so easily but its pretty early and I've been up since 6am so I got nothing. This topic was suggested to me by a friend and a few years ago if I had been asked to write on this topic, I probably would have approached this topic differently and more negatively but age and experience has definitely taught me differently.

For most men dating a younger woman almost seems natural. In most cases you find that the man is older than his female partner. Whether its a couple of months to a couple of years to as much as 20 years and although a few people may have a few negative things to say about a man who dates a woman who is significantly younger than him its more acceptable. However a new phenomenon seems to be arising in our society...maybe not a new phenomenon but more socially accepting than it was a few years ago. A woman dating a younger man. I dont know why there was much resistance about it. I dont know if it has to deal with the fact that a woman births a child so to date someone who could pratically be your child would play into the whole oedipus complex or could it be the fact that a man is the head of the house hold so to have a man who pretty much should be taking orders from a woman who is older than him is just too weird... I dont know. It would be ignorant or naive of me to say Demi and Ashton were the reasons why it has become more socially acceptable to date younger men but i will say this much that since Demi and Ashton got married we are hearing a lot more "couger" relationships.

So why am I writing on this topic? Simple, why should we really use age as a factor to date someone. I mean really as long as both parties are legal and they are happy then who cares that one person is older than the other? I mean I know some men who are significantly younger than me and though I wouldnt date them, they have their shit together than men who are older and supposedly more mature than me. Which leads me to my next point. Maturity.

Personally I dont think maturity has anything to do with your chronological age. There maybe people who are 50 years old but their maturity level is that of a 25 year old and there are others who might be 25 but have the maturity level of a 50 year old. So really as a woman, if you are 10 years older than the guy and he is on the same maturity level as you then really why should it matter that he is younger than you. I mean yes sometimes there are some factors that you need to consider which is if you could still have kids with him, are at a place where marriage is no longer an option for you yet he is ready to play house? I mean those count but really should the age be a reason why you should or shouldnt pursue him.

I have a friend and she is currently dating someone younger than her. Not significantly younger, just a couple of years and initially she had a problem with the age but as she got to know him she realised that this guy was a great guy... he had a good job, he was a good man all around, attentive, sensitive, caring, very loving and pretty much everything she could hope for in a man. So in a situation like this does age really matter or is the connection that really matters.

I read a really interesting quote the other day and it says "you cant stop love because it doesnt come wrapped in the package you are most accostumed to" So instead of us focusing too much on the age, its probably best we focus on really what makes this guy so amazing.

As a friend shared with me the other day " focus on the one reason why it will work and not the many reasons why it wont" because if there is one reason why it will work then who cares about the other reasons because as long as there is one reason to make it work then you will be more inclined to find more reasons to make it work.

I am no way shape or form promoting younger men but I am just saying instead of focusing on his age focus on why you would want to be with him and make it happen.

Red!

I am finall back from vacation. I'll be lying if I say I am glad to be back but I am glad to finally take action of my life and let great things happen in my life. This year the only thing stopping me from reaching for the skies is if God's plan for me is to reach for the sun. Either way I am ready and eager to get this show on the road so I can finally get to where I need and want to be.

My trip was interesting to say the least. Had quite a few travelling issues but that topic deserves a blog of its on because right now I am not impressed with Delta, British Airways or KLM. Either way I'll just say I am glad I got to my destination safe and sound and in one piece and back here safe and sound and in one piece.

There is so much I want to share with you all but I will need to gather my thoughts and really think of what I believe is worth sharing. Some things I would rather keep personal and between the parties involved and other things I believe is okay to be put out there. Either way I did have a wonderful time and I realised that no matter what, Going home is always great! Being around family and friends was wonderful and It really has me thinking about how important family and friends are in my life.

One thing I do want to share and this actually was suggested by one of my friends is something I had been wanting to do for so long and I finally threw caution to the wind and just did it without thinking too much of the outcome or the possible consequences. I will say this though, It was the best decision I have made in a long time and as you read, you will know what I am talking about.

For those of you who know me, I have been natural for over 5 years now...probably longer. I decided to stop using any chemicals in my hair quite a number of years ago when I realised my hair was so unhealthy and I was always dreading getting a touch up because the relaxing cream would burn my scalp and the pain was soo unbearable I would cry. A friend of mine suggested to me that I stop relaxing my hair for a period of time to really allow my hair to grow and hopefully when I see my hair re-gain its strength and luster I can go back to relaxing. Well to say the least I never went back and as I type this I really dont see myself going back to chemicals. I would say never but who knows how I would feel 5 years, 10 years or even a day from now but as of now I am staying natural and I am not going back.

Anyway, for those of you who are natural you will realise that it can get very boring especially if you are not creative with your hair as some natural divas are. That boredom can actually have you thinking of going back to your relaxer days and if you dont have enough will power you might do that. Anyway, one thing I did realise while I was away was how many women in Ghana have gone natural. For a nation where hair salons can litterally be found on every corner and anyone who knows a black woman knows that we do not play with our hair. So to see women with such beautiful long natural hair was soo beautiful and empowering and to me it meant that many black women are beginning to embrace their God given hair and they do not need to change it to suit anyone but themselves. I also noticed that a lot of women were dreading their hair! I thought it was soo beautiful that a culture who frowned upon dreads because they associated it to mean the person was on drugs or lived a care free lifestyle with no ambition is now embracing such a beautiful hair style and realises that we are definitely not our hair and that even dreds can be beautiful. Personally if i could stick to one thing for a long time and not get bored I would dread my hair as well but I love the versitility of my hair and the fact that one day i can wear it in a huge afro or I can braid it up, or straighten it with a flat iron so to dread my hair I know I would be bored with it and wish I could have my afro back.

The decision I made that I dont regret was to dye my hair! It wasnt a spontaneous decision of course because I had been thinking about it for a couple of months but the minute I got to Ghana I walked straight into a hair salon wearing my sisters clothes(my luggage hadnt arrived yet) and I told the hair dresser which hair color I was thinking about and before I could object she had put the colour in and here I was an hour later walking away with red hair! At first when she put it in I almost told her to wash it out because I wasnt ready for it, but after sitting there for the color to set and her washing it out all I could think was "what did I just do??" As she blew out my hair I realised that wow! this is amazing plus all the compliments I got from the other stylist reassured me that I had made the best decision ever. The moment of truth was going home and showing it to my mother. Of course I thought she was going to freak out and tell me to go back and dye it black but she couldnt get enough of it! She loved it and just like she loved it, every single person who saw me with my colour loved it too!! Finally I knew I had done something that was right for a change.

Dying my hair was the most liberating, sexiest thing I had done in a very long time. It made me feel soo confident and beautiful. It change the way I walked, the way I looked at myself, how I presented myself to people and I like to think that the men who knew me or met me were not complaining either. It amazed me how much hair can make a woman feel soo sexy and beautiful and at the same time make you feel soo ugly. We are not our hair I strongly believe but I do think it plays a part in how we feel about ourselves and how we present ourselves to others.

I am loving who I am now and although building confidence shouldnt be based on what colour my hair is, I'll definitely say its a good way to start.

Happy New Year!

A very Happy New Year to everyone! Yes I am back to blogging in full force and I believe that this will be an exciting year so I am pretty sure that I will be sharing a lot more. However, I am still on vacation and I am not due back home for a few more days but I have had quite a bit on my mind and I figured I'll put something down before I forget what I have been thinking about.

Last year was fairly interesting, I like to believe I discovered a lot about my self I was either blind to or I wasnt exactly sure that part of me existed. I learnt a lot for sure. It gave me a chance to really figure out what I wanted out of life and also gave me the opportunity to better understand who I was and how my experiences has shaped who I was. This year on the other hand I plan to make it my best year yet! I plan to take control of my life(although God will be my gps) and just not let anything or anyone stop me from going after what I want. I am going to list a few things I plan to achieve this year and as the year goes by, I'll make sure to keep everyone updated on my progress.

1. As I stated earlier, I plan to take charge. I am going to not let life and people influence the decisions I make. If there is something I want, I'll go for it.
2.Allow myself to be open minded. Open minded with job opportunities, love, friendships and just people in general. I consider myself pretty open minded but I do know that to some extent my naivete or should I say my ignorance has prevented me from opening myself up to possibilities and the one time I did that this year...(I know we are only a couple of weeks in but I have already experienced quite a bit)...I was pleasantly surprised.
3. I plan to run a 26 mile marathon. It will be closer to the end of the year for sure but that's my goal for the year so upon returning from my trip I plan to hit the gym extra hard than i did last year and make sure that by the end of the year I would have ran the marathon.
4. Be more aggressive. this probably goes hand in hand with point number one but this time around my aggression is more in relation to love than it is to life. Not to say I wont be aggressive with professional opportunities but I am tired of sitting back and waiting for sparks to start flying in my life. As my younger cousin adviced me last night, If I find someone I am interested in, go for it. Dont make excuses as to why I shouldnt try to pursue the person. Of course I dont plan to be the man in the chase but whats stopping me from also making the first moves and seeing what can happen from that. That being said, if I find its one sided instead of hanging around waiting for actions to be reciprocated, I plan to walk away and not look back. which leads me to my next point.
5. Know my worth. I need to stop putting people on pedestals and making them seem better than me. I need to learn that I am worthy too and that no one is above me or beneath me. I have so much to offer and I need to stop selling my self short and going around like everyone is better than I am. Yes I may not have achieved all i want out of life but I still have so much to give and I am not exactly giving up on my plans.
6. Learn to accept my fate and make the best out of it. Not to say I am going to resign myself to believe that my circumstances is or are what they are but rather look at my circumstances and my situation and trying to make it work for me. As the saying goes when life hands you lemons make lemonade...and sell. So just because I might not have a job, or I might not be in a relationship or I might not be a size 6 doesnt mean I cant look at my job situation and use this opportunity to take a course, or find a different career path for the mean time, or my lack of relationship doesnt mean i have to stay home on a saturday night and wallow in my misery but instead get myself out there, attend a poetry night, volunteer more, go speed dating...whatever or if I am not ever going to be a size 6 then just work on being a healthier heavier me,embrace my curves and just find what works for me while still maintaining my healthy life style.
7. Learn to complain less and listen more. I know i am a huge whiner, I whine about almost everything but last year I tried this whole positive outlook and thinking kinda lifestyle and it worked for me...yes i will admit when things went bad I would fret and go off for a bit but this year I plan to look at the situation, give thanks to God that its not as bad as it can be and immediately find a solution to it. Listen more, give myself a chance for others to speak and really hear what they have to say.

Although i could probably go on and on and on this blog, I am going to stop for now and pretty much pick it up at another time. I just felt that it will be a good way to start the blog this year and hopefully as the months go by we can all refer back to this blog and see how far along I have come.

Happy New Year guys and I pray and wish for you happiness and peace and may all your dreams and aspirations come true. Lets make this year our year while we all strive to put God first!