Disgusted

On saturday,I was speaking to a friend and she told me a very disturbing story that came out of Ghana. Of course, I dont know the validity of this story and I refuse to watch the videos associated to this story nor will I post it on my blog for others to see because I refuse to take part in distributing this video but I am extremely appalled and disgusted by this story and I hope that something will be done about this unfortunate incident that happened in Ghana.

A young girl on the University of Ghana, Legon campus was caught stealing a laptop, of course as bad as stealing is, what was done to her is far worst than her stealing the lap top. She was caught by a group of guys who then started beating her up for stealing...not unusual in Ghana since most theives are beaten...to death at times and then to make matters worse, they strip her clothes and start filming the whole incident to the point of them filming her private parts. From what I hear, she was later raped.

Of course my part of the story is based on heresay but if anyone can verify the information for me, please feel free to comment on this blog.

What upsets me about this whole story is, the poor girl is now in police custody for the crime that she committed while the men are still out there. The fact that the boys are going unpunished...at least for now for this incident and the fact that they posted this video online is appalling! Why should any, be treated in this manner for stealing anything??????? Why does it always happen that in most cases when these situations involve a woman she is the one who gets the shorter end of the stick? Women all around the world seem to be punished for the mistakes they make when the men who choose to take drastic, inhumane disgusting action agains these women go scott free.

Before you rush to say North America is excluded, Just a few weeks ago, a Police officer in Toronto, who was giving a talk at one of the University came out and said that if young women didnt dress like sluts they wouldnt be targeted for rape. He came back later to apologise but believe me when I say women in canada didnt not let him go scot free for making such a statement. They took to the streets and protested against that statement. Women in Arab countries are put to death, beaten,canned what have you for their transgressions but then what happens to these men? Nothing!

I really hope that women groups around the world will take a stance on this issue. I really hope that people stand up against such injustice. Most importantly we need to stop distributing this video!

I am totally disgusted by what has happeend and I hope you are too.

Why do we lie?

Contrary to what the subject says I am not necessarily talking about lying in the traditional sense although once can debate or argue what traditional lying is. But what I really want to to talk about is lying about our feelings or denying what we are feeling.

Back me up a moment, I might be the only one who does this, but if I am not I am sure u can relate, so you have a friend, you know you have feelings for them that can border on being more than friends. Everyone around you clearly sees that you have feelings for that person yet when u are asked you tell them time and time again, No. We are just friends, they are like a brother/sister to me. Yet when u are allow you can't stop thinking about them, you crave to hear from them and each second you are with them you wish it will never end. So my question to you guys today is why do we lie about how we really feel about that special person? Do we say we don't have feelings for them because once we admit it out loud we are admitting it to ourselves? Are you worried that the questions will follow? The why? Where? How? Is it because we have found every excuse why you can never be more than friends? Is it because u honestly believe they don't feel the same way so once u put it out there you are going to have to deal with being rejected? Is it the fear of rejection? Your family? I mean someone help me out or did I answer my own question?

That being said then one response I have to at least one of those questions is, stop thinking too much? Sometimes we can't make assumptions when we really don't know for a fact. So why focus on the many reasons why it can't work when there is probably a very good reason it can? Any relationship takes work, long distance or not you have to put in the work. No relationship is easy nor is it perfect but if you want it bad enough then you can make it happen. Ask those who are in long distant relationships and are now married to their partners how they made it work. If its rejection you are afraid of then what do you have to lose? If they say no, they say no. They were not meant for you anyway. Doesn't make them bad, it just means they were not the one. I mean easier said than done, but coming from someone who has been rejected a time or two, I can tell u that u will live through it. Your ego may hurt for a few days, you might wonder why they don't want u, hell you might cry a bit but u pick yourself up and you move forward. You have to be rejected a few times just to know you can deal with life. Everyone gets rejected at some point, just like you reject others. If you havr a solid enough friendship, you can move past it and carry on and if you can't then maybe you only became friends with them because u liked them more than a friend.

Either way I am asking this question so feedback will be appreciated. If you also agree with my part answer to then that's great but whatever the case, why do we lie?

Pedestal

Okay so I know I have blogged on this topic before but I guess it doesn't hurt to bring it up again.

I think that most of us sometimes sell our self short. It doesn't matter what it is in life. To some extent we don't believe in our own abilities or our own worth or what we are made of or what we bring to the table. I think sometimes we meet someone who is accomplished has so much going for them and immediately we start to feel inadequate and we wonder if we can ever measure up.

I know this is particularly the case when it comes to relationships. We meet someone special, they walk into our lives with all these accomplishments and accolades and we look at our dreary lives and we wonder how will we ever measure up? How can such a great person even want anything to do with me? Even if they want me around? For how long? What can I bring to the table that will at least get me one step up so I at least feel like I am on my way to getting on their level. All I have to say to that is STOP! Stop stop stop stop!! Shut up!! Seriously? Are you going to base your worth on someone who just brings a piece of paper to the relationship listing all they have accomplished when you really that doesn't make them who they are?

My question to you the next time you start measuring yourself to someone accomplishments is what else do they bring to the table? Are they God fearing? Do they have a good family life? Are they respectful of others and themselves? Do they respect you? Do they live their lives like God is their guide? Do they have a good heart? Are they loyal? Honest? how do they treat their kids...if they have any? Really these are the sort of things we should be thinking about when we meet someone. What they have managed to accomplish whether through education, or professionally or financially is definitely nothing to frown upon but really if all that was gone today what do they have left?

I am no way shape and form saying that its okay to go for someone who is not ambitious because they are loving and caring because lets be real, love doesn't keep a roof over your head but at the same time its good to have an equal balance of both. You have to know that whoever you are going in for, can provide for you, emotional, spiritual, mental and physical stimulation as well as some security to know that no matter what happens they will always do their best to provide for you when you cant provide for yourself. Mind you, you also have to realise that you may not have the financial means or educational level or professional experience they may possess but if you are working towards that but you can provide, the love, support, spiritual need, emotional need and physical need they need in their life, then in my humble opinion you are definitely on their level.

Next time you meet someone great, don't just look at what they bring to the table based on their accomplishments and make your decision based on that but really dig deep and see if this person is really the person you need before you start questioning yourself about your own worth or most importantly if you should bring them into your life because at the end of the day, WE are all worthy, don't let anyone or anything let you feel less. If we can come before God when we really are not worthy of him then we can definitely come before man when we are worthy of them.

Have you said Hi today?

As you may have noticed, it has been quite a while since my last blog. I could blame it on lack of inspiration which is part of the reason I havent blogged in awhile but the biggest reason is that I havent found the time to sit back and really type something down. I have had some major changes in my life and although I like to think I have found a balance between everything going on and my personal life I just havent found the time or the energy to put something down.

That statement I just wrote is the inspiration behind this blog and I'll tell you why. Its soo easy as people to have a life style change and we immediately forget everything else that was important to us. It could be our hobbies that gave us a sense of purpose, or it could be good friends who were there to support you in everything you were going through, It could be your parents, your boyfriend or girlfriend or that special person who makes an effort to show you more love than at times you deserve. Yet the minute the person is no longer in our lives, or that possibility is removed from our lives we start to regret not taking the time to really appreciate that person more.

I know its hard sometimes to prioritize whats important and sometimes some things just take more time than others, it could be that work is very busy right now so you end up spending more hours at work or you are taking a new class so you spend more time in class or doing homework than you can spend on anything else. Thats all fine and fair and it makes sense but I also like to think that in this day and age with all the technology we have available to us, keeping in touch has only got easier and easier to the point where making excuses are not even justifiable.

Another thing I find most of us never make time to do is going to church. It seems like from Monday to friday we can wake up at the crack of dawn to get ready to go work on time, we might take time after work to go to the gym or whatever plans we might schedule after work, the weekend roles around and we fill it with all sorts of activities, yet sunday roles around and we suddenly are too tired, or we need to finish up some stuff before work on monday or its too cold so taking the time to go to church becomes an issue. Sometimes its just really difficult to go to church yet I like to think that if we have time for everything else happening in our lives then church should not be an excuse. Of course I am guilty of a few of those excuses but really why should we have an excuse when it comes to finding time to praise God after everything he does for us.

Pretty much my babbling here is just to say, lets stop taking our lives, friends, family and most importantly God for granted. I do know its difficult at times to really take the time out to find time for other things other than work or whatever else you go through but I find, that we only start having regrets when that important person in our life is taken from us. Why not avoid those regrets today and take the time and reach out. Also, dont use life as an excuse not to respond back to someone who has taken time out of their day to reach out to you. All it takes is a couple of minutes to say hi!

Beautiful just the way you are

This evening on my way to the gym, i was on the bus and I saw this young girl, standing with her huge back pack listening to her ipod. She looked about 13 with a shy demeanor about her yet slightly unsure of herself. Very innocent and all I could do was say a small prayer for her that she grows up to love herself and not let society and friends influence her to be someone she is not. I know weird for me to do that for someone I know nothing about but the world we live in today, you really dont know what people are going through so the best thing to do is say a prayer for them and wish them well...

I know my thoughts were far fetched and a bit extreme considering I knew nothing about this young girl but someone was telling me today how she was in the hospital with her teenage son and she saw a lot of anorexic teenagers who were near death because for some reason or the other they didnt believe that they were slim enough to be noticed. I am no expert on anorexia so it will be ignorant of me to say that they became anorexic because of societal pressures to be slim but for a teenage girl to be that sick obviously it may be fair to assume that is what it is.

Now most of you who have read my blogs and know who I am, may know that my own self image at times has not always been where it needs to be. I have tried excessive diets to lose the weight just to lose a few pounds and put it all on again because for some reason I believed that when the weight came off, it would stay off so you can imagine my disappointment when it kept coming back. Of course I was no near anorexic but what makes what I was doing any different than these bullemic or anorexic girls who are doing the same.

I will say this though, we are gradually becoming a society where we are beginning to accept people for who they are, big or small, tall or shot, fat or skinny but we still have a long way to go. We have to fight obesity, we have to fight anorexic and we have to fight the biggest problem, lack of self confidence which pretty much is the key to all the image problems that are faced by our young people today.

Once we learn to teach our young people especially our young women that beauty is not what you wear, how much make up you have on, how slim or fat you are but really what is in side of you then hopefully young people today wont be so concerned about their body image.

I no way shape or form am I promoting people to gain weight but I feel we need to really get out of this whole mentality that looking a certain way will make you more beautiful, or more desired or more popular. Parents need to teach their kids that taunting others and bullying others only makes you look like a coward and insecure because bullies are insecure people who dont feel they are good enough so they prey on people who they believe are beneath them when really these people are strong beautiful individduals who have done nothing wrong but accept that they are who they are but people obviously think they are not good enough.

While that young girl I saw today is just another young girl I hope that she grows up to be a beautiful self assured individual who learns to believe that her beauty has nothing to do with how she looks outwardly but what inside is what really counts. Lets try to stop bullying and anorexia. Lets get our magazines and tv shows to start showing that beautiful people do not come in a standard size but they all come in different shapes and sizes. Even models and TV stars dont look the way they portray them to be.

All rounded

In life, when we start building relationships and friendships you usually start out with an endless amount of people in your life. As you grow older and wiser you realise that the endless amount of people you have in your life gradually become countable to a point where you might actually be able to count the "all rounded" people on one hand. You might view this as a good or bad thing depending on who you are and how you view life but I'll break it down to you in a few and you can decide for yourself if this is a good or bad thing.

I used to be that person who considered everyone a good friend. I dont know how many countless arguments I had with my mom about this topic where she always said "You and your everyone is my friend mentality" At that time I used to find her statement annoying and I would always say she didnt know what she was talking about but the older I got, the more I understood why she would be upset with me thinking everyone was a good friend when really they werent.

Now dont get me wrong. In no shape or form would I say any of these people who used to be in my life are bad people. Nor would I say they were bad for me because I like to believe I am a good judge of character so anyone who was in my life at some point in time was a good person. I just believe that as I grew older and as they did as well, we realised that our relationship was not destined to last through the time and we just drifted apart. I am sure this is not unusual to anyone. It happens, your relationships change, you have different goals in life, you move away and you just lose touch. I am pretty sure you might run into each other at some point in your life, share pleasantries reminsicing on old times, walk away smiling but wont for a second regret them no longer being in your life. In fact you might thank God they came into your life for the period of time they were in and keep it moving.

I am sure you have all heard that analogy about the leaves, branches, roots or the seasons kind of friendship and its all true, however I want to branch off a little bit and say something completely different. You may have heard it before so it wont be completely brand new to you but for those of you who havent, pay attention.

Just because you will go out of your way for a friend, doesnt necessarily mean they will do the same for you. I believe thats why its written in the bible that when you give, give whole heartedly with no expectations of getting anything in return because you might never get anything in return but the feeling that you did something great for someone. Like they always say your reward is in heaven and I truly believe that. I say this because most of us go out of our way to help a friend but when the tables are turned and they don't do the same for us we become extremely upset and want to make them feel guilty for not reciprocating the favour. Seriously though, why should they? Unless you signed some piece of paper saying that if I do this for you, you have to do the same for me when I need you to they owe you absolutely nothing. Of course ethically and morally it seems like the right thing to do but really why should they?

I like to say to people all the time that you should know who you are friends are and what you can depend on them for. You might have a friend that you know that if you needed financial assistance they will be the first to write you a check. Yet, if you need a place to stay for awhile they will be the last person to offer you a place. There are some people that you know that if you have some good news to share they will be the first to run to the mountains to celebrate your good news with you. However if you need their opinion on a pressing matter they will be the first person to discourage you from doing it. There are also people in your life that you know no matter what your problem is they will be there to support you no matter what. They are the ones I call the all rounded friends. Your all rounded friends are usually very few...at times they may be just one person and if you are lucky to be blessed with an all rounded friend thank your stars and keep them close.

By no means shape of form does it mean the other people in your life who are not all rounded are bad because believe it or not, you are not everyones all rounded friend. Just like you cant help everyone who comes your way, is the same way they cant do the same for you.

All I am saying is, dont get upset with anyone who cant come through for you when you need them. You obviously do not know why they can't be your all rounded friend. It doesnt mean that when the tables are turned and they need you, you also hold back. Just know what purpose they serve in your life and keep it moving. Whatever the case is, they are in your life for a reason so thank God for their purpose in your life and keep it moving because like I said you are not everyones all rounded freind as well.

Wide Open

My cousin and I spent a good amount of time talking about this subject yesterday and I felt that it was important that I talk about this topic since I feel its something I am trying in my life right now.

I like to believe that I am pretty open minded. Open minded on many topics, Homosexuality and Lesbianism, The death penalty, abortion, racism and what say you. That being said though I really wondered how open minded I was about my own life and the possibilities that are out there for me. Its soo easy to get up and say I believe that anyone should have the right to be married to whoever they want to be married to. Whether it be two men getting married or two women but in all honesty when it boils down to it, I have/had a long list of requirements I had when it came down to who I had to be involved with. I am pretty open minded about where I could go on holiday but when it boils down to it, I was very specific on where I needed to live and work. I am not saying it makes me a hypocrite because being open minded doesnt mean you cant have requirements but I think it made me very restrictive and it put me in a more difficult situation than I would have been if I had allowed myself to open up and explore the possibilities.

I realised that as a young woman with no responsibilities to anyone but myself, I realy have no reason to be closed minded on anything. I have no reason to prevent myself from going anywhere or dating anyone. Of course doesnt mean that any tom dick and harry that walks my way will get a chance with me. However I noticed that I was soo restrictive in terms of who I could date, Who they should be, where they had to come from, how they looked and quite frankly I havent had much success with my restrictions. Yet I look around and I look at people who have allowed themselves to open up and not let themselves be too restricted by their requirements are those who are happily involved and even when things didnt work out the way they had hoped, they brushed their shoulders off and moved on.

Its soo amazing because the minute I started to allow myself to be open minded about anything this year it has been so very freeing. I realised I am stressing less because I always have a plan b, c, d and even e lined up. I also realised that so far I have been pleasantly surprised.

So this year I told myself. I am going to be open minded. I am going to allow myself to see how far I can go. If an opportunity presents itself somewhere across the world, I'll give it a shot. I have nothing to lose. At the end of the day if I give it a shot and I dont like it, I have nothing stopping me from coming back home. I am going to also allow myself to see what the possibilities can be with anyone I see myself getting along well with. He might not fit the total description of my "perfect" mate but at the same time who is to say he is not my "perfect" mate.


I think our biggest hesitancy about being open minded is the fear of the unknown. The fear that being open minded sets us up for more disappointment and heart break. At least when you are close minded you can almost predict the outcome yet being open minded means everything you think you know might be wrong and in that respect you might have to change your way of viewing the world. Had America not been open minded about voting in a Black President we would never had been given the chance to see how great President Barack could be.

I think its important that we all give ourselves a chance this year to explore the possibilities. Step out of your comfort zone and see where life can take you. If it doesnt even work out the way you hoped it will, Just brush your shoulders off and keep it moving. If anything at all, You gave yourself to experience something new.