Swept under the rug

I know this topic will be far more controversial than what I have written about in the past months. Many of you may agree with me and some will disagree however I am in the state of mind where I believe we need to have more open dialogue on this topic so we can finally do something about it.

I am Canadian, most of you know that and you will know that Canada is probably one of the most diverse nations in the world. We welcome any and everyone and we allow you to be who you are regardless of your religion, ethnic backgroud, race, political views, sexuality, whatever. This concept is known as a mosiac. We are all one people but you can also be an individual if you need to me. A different ideaology to our neighbouring country the US where they believe in the melting pot. You come here you become one of us. Although you can be who you are, Ultimately at the end of the day you are American and thats that. Depending on how you look at it, both concepts are great and can and should work well but unfortunately it does not.

I have lived in the US so I can disagree or agree with their melting pot concept however I am not American so my knowledge will becoming from an outsider looking in and in my humble opinion although sometimes its good to look in its better to comment if you actually are in the box than outside the box so for the purposes of this blog, this will be my last reference to the American way of life.

Now lets talk about Canada. I live in Toronto and to my knowledge, Toronto is the most diverse city in the world period. I have seen more people of different races, ethnic groups and sexual orientations than any other city I have visited ever. Its actually a beautiful thing because its like being able to tour the whole world and interacting with so many different people without leaving your city. Not many people are fortunate enough to experience that and yet I am plus the 3million other torontians in this city.

However, this mosaic mentality we have in canada I believe has given more ammunition to fuel and acknowledge the differences between us. As much as you are allowed to be who you are, it also means you cant be the one thing that you are...Canadian. Often times racism is a topic that if you ask the average canadian if they feel still exist in canada their firm answer is no. I often laugh when I hear that. There have been several times, when I have had debates with teachers or colleagues about this topic and the quickly change the subject to avoid talking about it. They usually start off by saying" I dont think we have this problem in Canada" I tell them well thats because you have been fortunate enough not to experience it and then they usually shrug their shoulders give me that uncomfortable smile and change the topic to something else.

Of course, why wouldnt they think racism exist when each time the topic is brought up they immediately brush it under the rug. I am not in their minds but i like to believe that they think not discussing it means it doesnt exist and thus we do not have to deal with it. Yet so many minorities exist in this beautiful nation of our who are still struggling to be someone they want to be.

Now lets go into the work place...I have worked in a few places and although I will say I have seen quite a number of minorities in the work place I yet to see a minority in an executive leadership role. I once did a research paper on racism in the judicial system and I was surprised to find that not once in history has there ever been a minority Supreme Court Judge. No blacks, Asians or Aborignals...which unfortunately is tragic considering Aboriginals are the official Canadians. Every single one of us immigrated from somewhere else other than the Aboriginals yet the Aboriginals are the one group of people in Canada that still continue to struggle. They are shut away from the rest of Canada, stuck in the coldest part and are living the most poverty stricken life ever. Once again the Canadian mentality, if we dont deal with it, it does not exist.

Another issue that realy upsets me is the fact that based on the colour of my skin there is no way in hell I can be Canadian. I have often received the surprised look when people find out I was born in Canada. I find that the minute they see me, they have to ask me where I am from? When I respond I am canadian, they are often respond by saying well where are your parents from? They keep digging till you pretty much tell them that your ancestry is africa, caribbean or something of the sort. Well let me school you guys for a second. Many of you will be aware that Harriet Tubman the black slave that lead many of the slaves to freedom, lead them into eastern Canada, Nova Scotia and the likes, Many of them continue to live in Nova Scotia or have moved around to different parts of the Country. Just like African-Americans these African-Canadians(A term i am sure some of you have never heard) Do know their ancestry is from Africa but have no direct connection to the place since their ancestors were put on ships many years ago. That being said, They just like the rest of us are Canadians and therefore will only acknowledge themselves as Canadians and nothing else. So for you to continuely to ask someone like that where they are from is pretty much saying based on their skin they cannot be pure canada. Well unfortunately neither are you because as I stated other than the Aboroginals most people in this country immigrated into Canada many years ago. Of course I know sometimes you ask because to be honest most of us are recent immigrants into Canada but why cant you see us as Canadian unless we tell you otherwise?

I just think that its time we address the issue of racism in this country. It still very much exist no matter how much you want to believe that it doesnt. It exist in the work place when you see capable intelligent visible minorties are still at the bottom of the ladder yet their counter parts are quickly rising. It exist when professionals from different countries move into Canada with the hope of finding a better life hear but are given the run around that they are not good enough to be what they were prior to moving here so now they are stuck in minial jobs because they need to survive. What makes your qualifications better than theirs?.

People lets start dealing with the issue of Race. Until we actualy deal with it face on its going to continue to be swept under the rug and eventually when we finally realise it, it will be too late.

Of course this is my opinion based on my experiences and observations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvBI3FtuaPA&feature=related

The Power you hold

To my ladies,

What I am about to share with you is nothing you don't already know. Its been written about, your male friends have told you over and over again and your girlfriends have sat down with you and had this discussion. Its been preached at church, your parents have discussed this with you and in my humble opinion this topic is redundant but I feel that every once in awhile we have to be reminded because although we like to believe we get it, we really dont!

Women, we must understand how powerful we are! Amazingly men know how powerful we are. They know that even the the lowest of women has power that can bring the strongest man to his knees yet, we allow ourselves to lose our power because we think it doesnt make us attractive, or it doesnt make us vunerable or desireable by the male species when in all truths our power is what draws them in. Yet we dont know this power we hold so often times we allow others to take it away from us.

Now the topic I really want to discuss is the power of our punani. Yes lets be real. A lot of us dont understand the power it holds thats why some are soo quick to throw it out there thinking that it can draw the man in and yes it will draw him in but will it keep him? I know Steve Harvey wrote it that try to keep a man waiting before you give it up to him. However I know some people who honestly believe the oppposite. They think by giving it up as soon as he comes your way will keep him. Okay so yeah it might keep him around but dont expect him to take you over to his momma's house or ask your girlfriend what ring you will like. Now dont get me wrong, there are some people who were able to meet guys have sex with them pretty much second after meeting them and they are happily married. Good for them but they are the exception to the rule. If any of you watched the movie " He is not that into you' Justin Long's character eloquently put it " Most women are not the exeception to the rule, you are the rule" Yeah so Jane's girlfriend Molly is married to the man of her dreams after sleeping with him the same night she met him in the club, but really do you think thats going to happen for you? Probably not...nahh in fact it wont!

Now I am no prude and I am not here to judge. If you are "liberated" and you dont believe there is any timeline after meeting a guy to give him the goods then hey good for you. However you can't be upset if he suddenly starts checking girl next door who probably is not giving him the time of day yet he keeps going down her way because he realises that this is someone he can see himself married to. I dont care what you think, the double standard does exist. Men can do whatever they want yet we cant do the same. To be honest though, would you really want to do everything guys are able to do? I dont know about you but I dont want to. I know there are great things about being a woman and that is knowing that I have the power to bring a man to his knees and i wouldnt give it up just to be "liberated"

Ladies, another thing that really bothers me these days is thinking getting pregnant will reassure you committement. Maybe back in the day when our parents were younger that mess flew but these days men know they can be a father to their kid without being a husband to you. I have heard some craziness about how women are "getting pregnant" with the hope that the guy will stick around. if he does stick around then again you are the exception but if you really have to trap a man by getting pregnant by him then please answer me this. Why do you want a man you had to trap? Wouldnt you want a man who wants to stay because he chose to? Think about it!

I guess to conclude, ladies, understand your worth, Understand the power you hold, giving up sex to a guy you barely know will not guarantee you wifey status. Its not even going to gaurantee you girlfriend status. As much as we like to think otherwise we are emotional creatures, we may go in thinking its all fun and games but most times we are the firs to get caught up. I seriously believe when a guy cheats on his girl and says "she didnt mean anything to me it was just sex" he really means it. Men can dettach the emotional from the physical where as most of us cant. Think about it, most girls who end up sleeping around usually have a few men they are messing with at the same time to remove the emotional attachement where as a man can sleep with you for years and not fall in love with you.

If you are trying to be in a committed relationship with anyone go slow, dont give it up so quick get to know him, allow him to get to know you and trust me if he sticks around I am pretty sure he will stay after he gets it but if he says he cant wait then let him go, he wasnt yours to have. You might think otherwise but you cannot get a man by throwing it out to him that quick. My brother and I had an interesting discussion earlier on today. He said to me, " If you could get internet for free, would you really pay for it?" Of course i answered no. He said exactly. He is like let me tell you this, if you give it up to any man that easily I can gaurantee you he is not going to keep you around for ever. He might keep you till something better comes his way but he is not going to wife you.

Now Fellas I am curious to hear what you think. Your thoughts

Bring back the 90s

My title I know probably suggest a few things....One I may be reminscing about the 90s and realised how much fun I had or 2, I am in my 90's rnb mode and realised how great music was back then. If you are thinking 1 or 2 you are on the right track but not necessarily right on point.

Okay so for the past couple of days I have been listening to 90's rnb and maybe a few early 2000's and comparing it to music today, they definitely had it right back then. Music today in my humble opinion has lost its way. We focus too much on the beat than on the lyrics and when we do actually listen to the lyrics its talking about how to mistreat each other, how we have very little respect for ourselves and quite frankly our over hyped sexuality. It seems like in this day and age sex is ruling the world! If you are not having any you suck and if you are having some, its about how many people can you get! Our music has lost respect for the craft and for the people who listen to it.

Listening to 90s music, I do realise there was a lot of talk about sexuality but I noticed that it was more about making love than it was about having sex or to be extremely blunt and crass...fucked! There is no such thing as trying to make you my wife, now its about how many baby mammas do I have or how can I make you eat me out the right way...its sad but our music in my personal opinion has gone down the drain.

Well now lets talk about how the music is influencing our lives. So I am an 80s baby and in the 90s I was heading into my teens, My experience with men in my teens were very rare...if he wasnt a friend I played ball with I had no business with him so maybe I may not know what I am talking about here but bare with me. In my very humble opinion I like to think that men back in the 90's had more respect for women, they treated them better, they spoke to them better and quite frankly the men were better. Fast forward to 2010, It seems like men dont have any respect for us. The little things that were not tolerated back in the day seems to be the norm these days. With the advancement of technology it seems like men for some reason have just lost it! They dont care about how they make women feel, how they treat them or if they even matter.

Now I am not saying all the men in this decade are like that. I know quite a number of decent men and I know quite a number of trifling women. Yes some of us are to blame for the way the men treat us. Its not soley their faults but it just seems like a lot is going now in relationships that just makes no sense and I am trying to make sense of it all! Men now just seem more rude, more crass and just less respectful. They really dont care whose feelings they hurt or who they have to step on. I like to consider myself quite respectful and I like to treat other people with respect but it just seems like the more respect I show others the more disrespect I get. Are my expectations too high? Do I honestly believe I am all that and maybe I am not and thats why i am disrespected? Of course no one has done anything crazy like treat me like the Situation did to that silly girl on the last episode of Jersey shore for those of you who watched but it just seems like common curteousy and respect is out the window.... I dont know.. In my opinion they just dont make them like they used to!

Can someone please bring back the 90s????

your thoughts?

It Sucks but Ohhh well..

I may have written a blog similar to this before but hey its something that keeps invading my mind so I am going to write on it again. I happen to have finished school at a time when the world pretty much went to Hell! Okay so maybe not right away but it seems like every path I took seemed to have been the wrong path. I got out of school enthusiastic, ready to face the world. Nothing or no one was going to stop me from rising that corporate ladder. 5 years later I am still trying to get through that damn door! Anyway I went back to school, thought I'll try a new career path, maybe with much luck I'll have better success with that. I finished school a couple of months ago and I am yet to hear that phone ring with even an interview prospect.

Its hard! Its tough and sometimes its very discouraging. There are many days where I would wake up, take a shower and lie on the couch till night fall because I have no desire to keep pressing on! Its gotten to the point where I am reapplying to the jobs I have already applied to hoping my preseverance will finally get the eye of the recruiter.

However, as hard and as discouraging as it is, I dont want to give up. I dont want to give in to my doubt, into my frustration because I know that the minute I give in to it, it means I have given up. I have accepted defeat. its a lot harder when constantly you hear your parents ramming it into your ear to give up, pack up and move back home. "it will be a lot easier here, we will set you up, you will be okay! No need to worry about your rent and food, all will be taken care off, just sign on the dotted line give us your life and all will be well"...of course not exactly in those words but in my opinion thats pretty much what it means. I dont fault them, I am not upset with them and sometimes I actually think they are right. They mean well and any parent who loves their kids want to do whatever they can to make their lives easier. Unfortunately for them I am extremely stubborn and hard headed. I refuse to give in to their request or offers. To me accepting their offer means i have failed, to me it means I cannot survive on my own and because my biggest fear is failure I will rather keep at this struggle than to give in to their defeat knowing in my spirit that my God above will see me through.

I have actually thought of doing my own thing, forgetting the whole tradtional career thing and breaking out on my own. Might be a lot harder than actually getting a job but I know the benefits will be worth while. I might actually become more successful than if I ever worked for someone...i dont know...i am rambling now...

I just needed to get this off my chest. Another rejection letter came in today and I wont lie, it has me upset a bit. It seems like besides the silent fones, my inbox is filled with rejection letters but hey I guess thats life! You have to be rejected a hundred times to be accepted that one time! Lets hope that my one time is coming sooner than later!

The Demise of the "Regular" black woman

Okay so I am lying in bed reading a book. I really should be studying but hey it looks like its about to rain and quite frankly my bed seems to call my name better than the damn text book. Anyway, my black berry goes off and its an email. Recently anytime I hear my blackberry go off indicating its an email I immediately check it because it could be a job asking for an interview(the things you go through when you are actively looking for work) anyway its an email from my girl and in the email is a link to a blog story. I actually read this blog occasionally. For any of you who are Essence Magazine readers its Demetria Lucas's blog "A belle in Brooklyn" Demetria Lucas is Essences's editor of love and relationships. She puts out the "Bachelor of the Month" articles in the magazine. The article simple states this "Visual Aesthetics" I'll post the link of the article at the bottom of the page so you can read for yourself but what I found out from the article was that now there is something called "Regular black".

Regular Black black from my understanding is anyone who does not have any other race in their blood stream. So for example anyone who doesnt possess any "exotic features" Nice curly hair, light skin shade, the thinner lips, more narrow nose, pretty much if both your parents are black, and the only link to any non black person is your non black co worker you sometimes go out to lunch with, then you are regular black.

Wow is all I can say! Regular black! Now being regular black seems not to be good enough. Its bad enough that for us regular black women, its already hard enough out tehre for us. I am not going to say white people have it easier but thats just the way it is. Now to be regular black you are not beautiful enough, or "exotic" enough to be considered beautiful. The article pretty much says her friends were not allowed into a club she was hosting because they were regular black. The bouncer was given the authority by the club owner that anyone who didnt meet the "visual aesthetics" of the club, meaning anyone who didnt have any exotic features were not mixed with any other type of race could not enter the club. HOw sick is that???????????? Why do we have to distinguish between black people. Why do the so called "lighter skinned" black people have to be given better treatement than dark skinned black people? Why is our skin colour so important?

I mean it goes back to the days of slavery where the light skinned black people were allowed in the masters house and the dark skinned were out in the field. For centuries light skinned people have been considered more beautiful than dark skinned people. Dont get me wrong I have nothing against light skinned people. Coming from a family where we have white ancestry and a lot of interracial marriages, I have a lot of family memebers who are light skinned. Would I call them more beautiful than my dark skinned relatives? No! Why? simply because we all have our own unique beauty. My mom always says, you are the shade of colour because God knew you wouldnt look good a different shade. I strongly believe that! Why should someone be more beautiful because they havea lighter shade skin colour?

I know some light skin people who I wouldnt consider attractive and I know some dark skin people that could make Halle Berry look ugly. However, does their skin colour really define how beautiful they are? Its a shame because I know quite a few men...and women who wouldnt date a dark skinned person because they think their kids will be too dark! Hmmmm...okay? I believe in personal preference. You might like a light skinned person because they may have some features that you find attractive fair enough, but do you have to put down the dark skinned person because God didnt give them that same features?

I am not going to say this mentality is exclusive to the black race because as you all know, Indians have the caste system where darker indians are usually lower class and the lighter indians are upper class, same goes with other groups of Asians and i am sure this mentality runs across all races....Funny enough though, The only race I find wish for darker skin is the caucasian race? Constantly under tanning beds, lying on the beach in the sun so they can get darker? its funny how the race that probably started this whole madness about the difference between the lighter and darker skinned people are those who are actually trying to darken their skin. I could be wrong, but think about it! If they like darker skin then why dont we appreciate what we have!

Its a very sad day when a woman despite her skin colour is turned away from the club because she doesnt meet the "visual aesthetics of the club" Bad style of dressing, I get that, being turned away because you are not light enough? makes no sense! Guess someone turned back time because this madness I thought had left the building!

http://www.abelleinbrooklyn.com/home/2010/9/1/visual-aesthetics.html

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