Its not her fault

I just had a very interesting episode happen in my life. Never ever has this happened to me and most of you might freak out after you hear what happened to me but everything is okay. It has inspired this blog so here we go.

Earlier on this evening, I get home from work, exhausted ready to just sit back eat my sushi and watch grey's anatomy before I hit the sack and then I remembered my dog on my form on farmville had not been fed and if you dont feed the poor dog it runs off and then you have to pay 2 farmville cash to get the dog back. I already had to pay before to get the damn dog back wasnt about to spare my 2 farmville dollars to get it back again. Of course I sign on to facebook and then suddenly a girl I added a few days ago. Now this is my mistake for adding her because I have never met this girl in my life nor do I want to know her after what happened but the reason I accepted her friend request was because she is a mutual friend of this radio host I sometimes comment on his page and i didnt want to seem rude by not accepting her friend request and one day her seeing me on his page. Of course I shouldnt care since I dont know her but I felt like being nice. Anyways the girl comes online and starts talking to me on facebook chat. Her salutation alone was offensive enough, I should have realised where this was going.

Long story short, this girl believes I have been having relations with her man and wants revenge on me. I originally didnt know what the hell she was talking about until she mentioned my cousins name and then I began to wonder if I really knew this girl or not. My cousin has no clue who she is either. Anyway, she then threatens my life and decides that the next time she sees me she is going to kill my cousin and I. Mind you the man she is talking about, I never knew he existed till she told me what his name was and quite frankly with a name like that, there is no way on God's green earth would i date a man with that name. I dont think I am above anyone but in some situations I really think I am. Anyway my cousin and I both got on her, called her out, told her we were going to report her to the police and finally we blocked and reported her profile to Facebook. Hopefully they do something about that. Anyway the point of my blog is not to come on here and talk about her but rather what i learnt from this situation.

First and foremost, Ladies, if your man is cheating on you, why do you find it necessary to attack the woman. Yes its trifling if you know the woman personally but how about the one you are committed to? He is the one you are dealing with not the woman. If you have a problem with him go to him. Dont attack the woman, Most times the woman didnt eve know you existed and if she did, sometimes she really was given the impression that the relationship was already dead. I amnot saying some women dont go out of their way to be with men who are already in relationship because there are some women out there like that but seriously, Your problem is with your man not her. What makes me laugh the most is when you see a woman whose man has cheated on her only about a hundred times and she chooses to stay with him, yet she will call the women he cheated on her with all the names in the book, hunt her down to beat her down, report her to her boss and pretty much do whatever it takes to destroy her life but the man goes scott free.

Its time we actually dealt with the problem and the one who created the problem. Yes the woman is to blame but the man is the one with the problem. Cut him loose, deal with him, and leave the other woman out of it. If she is your friend then let her know straight up that you are done with her but if you are gong to be done with her, be done with your man too. It takes two to tango.

Who are you?

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This is something that has been bugging me for awhile now.I realise that there are so many people out there who allow others to define them. From the way, they dress, who they talk to and even how they speak. It seems like the only way they can figure out who they are is when someone tells them who they are. Why do we allow society to tell us who we are, what we should do and where we should go? When did we lose our sense of who we are.

Back to this book I am reading that I mentioned in my previous blog. I am gradually getting deep into the book and I will admit its a really good book. Different style of writing for this particular author but I am enjoying it nonetheless. Anyway, so back to this same character who is dealing with a man that is supposedly "better" than her. She finally came to her senses and left. However, here is she alone, manless and contemplating if she made a mistake by leaving this man. Her friend is now advicing her that she might as well go back to this guy because its better to share a man with another woman than it is to be manless! I almost threw the book out the window when I read that!! "its okay to share a man than it is to be manless?"" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????????????? When did it become okay, to condone cheating just to keep a man???????? If thats the case then I am definitely staying single!!

This is what I am talking about allowing society dictate to you who you should be. It seems like being single is now taboo so its better to be with someone no matter how he treats you than it is to be single. I know a lot of people who are in miserable relationships yet, because society will view them as failures for leaving their partners to be single they choose to stay in dead relationships just to keep up the "image" that society so very needs"

I am proud to say, I have never been in a situation where I felt it was necessary to stay with anyone just to keep up with society! I am almost 28, I have been single for a very long time and its okay! Yes I get lonely, Yes I wish I had someone to cuddle up with and yes I do wish that sometimes I just had someone just to have someone, but I am even happier knowing that I am not being made miserable just to keep an image that society deems as "acceptable" I dont believe there is anything wrong with me for being single. I dont think I need anyone or anything to define who I am. I know who I am and although there are days where I struggle to prove to everyone who I am, I really dont care what people think as long as I am happy.

One thing I know for sure is I like being who Iam. There is only one me and there will only be one me. I dont want to be anyone else but me. If someone has a problem with who I am then all I can tell you is turn around and dont look because I am not changing for anyone. I dont need to have certain friends to make me who I am, I dont have to have a man to make me "acceptable" I dont need to speak a certain way to be heard. All I need to be is me. As I continue to say, if what you do is not illegal, it does not physically harm anyone and its alright in the eyes of God then really who cares what other people think. At the end of the day, you can spend your whole life trying to please people but at the end of it all there is always going to be that one person who doesnt approve. Are you going to spend your whole life trying to please that one person? What about your happiness? What about what you want???? What about what you need?

The way I see it, once you learn to be who you are, people will appreciate you for your realness. The minute you try to be someone else it only takes a short while for someone to figure it out and walk away. Be you. Love you and dont care what others thing. Makes sure you know who you are!

New Addition!

Hey people!!
A few days ago, I told you I had some exciting news to share with you. I finally got the confirmation for the go ahead and I am excited to say, I have a new contributor to the blog!! Although I do enjoy writing up the blogs and I like sharing my personal stories with you, I also understand that there are times where I really do not have much to share and to keep this blog going I really want to be able to have something posted at least once a day. Anyway, this new contributor is bright, honest and very insightful! She also has a younger perspective to a lot of the topics i cover in my blog and it will be nice to read from someone who may still be going through stages in her life that I have far surpassed and may not be able to write on the way I would.

This new contributor is my cousin. I am not sure if she is okay with me mentioning her name however once I start posting blogs from her and she wants me to post her name you will know who she is. Either way I am really excited about this new addition and I believe her blogs will make this blog even better than it already is! I ask you to welcome her and please comment on her blogs when she does post. She is really amazing and I know she is going to bring amazing topics to this blog.

Please help me in welcoming our new addition and once I get blogs from her I'll be sure to post!!


thanks!

He is no better

I just started reading a new book. Total Eclipse of the Heart by Zane, I am only a few pages in so I can't really tell you much about the book. Also, I dont want to give too much away incase some of you are interested in reading it. Anyway, the little I have read and again, I dont know how the story is going to go but there is one character in the book who is currently dating a very prominent lawyer. Comes from a very well to do background and is considered one of the most elligible bachelors in the DC area(the story is based in the DMV...go figure!) Anyway, this woman dating this lawyer is a waitress, in a dingy diner, She is not doing much with herself yet here she is with this very prominent lawyer. Dream come true right? I am sure there are women out there who will not be able to believe their stars that they got lucky enough to get with such a well to do guy. Prayers answered I am sure. A wealthy guy doing well for himself. I mean to be quite honest, if I was in this girls shoes I might pretty much start counting my blessings because I got so lucky.

Not so quick now, This prominent lawyer from the well to do backgroud, most eligible bachelor in the DC area is abusive. No he hasn't laid his hands on this woman, yet he is able to call her every bad name that was ever written. He has managed to bring this womans self esteem so low she doesnt even think she is worthy of anything. She takes his mother insulting and belittling her infront of her rich friends and he doesnt come to her defence one time. He obviously knows that she is leaning on him for support and that he is better than her so she should be lucky to be with him....

Now lets get back to reality here. Why am I spending my time talking about a fictional character? Well one reason, I have been that woman before. No, No man has ever laid his hands or me or spoken to me in such a disrespectful manner, I mean I feel sorry for the poor schmuck who would even attempt to treat me like that but I am that woman because, there are times where I have met someone, I believed was better than me. Had so much going for themselves, women lined up to be with them, good jobs so of course, little old me, battling my weight, pretty but no Halle Berry, Still working dead end jobs and barely making ends me, How lucky am I to have the attention of such a guy. They didnt abuse me like I said, but there were soo many things I let them get away with because I strongly believed I was not worthy of them. I didnt deserve their attention.

My point is, although I always say, its important to be with someone on your level, or in your class or share the same goals and ambitions as you, it also doesnt mean that if you happen to deal with someone who is maybe a little ahead of you, it gives them the right to mistreat you, abuse you or step on you. Anyone who does treat anyone like that obviously is not all that great. Just because you are doing better than someone doesnt mean you are better than them. It gives you no right to mistreat or abuse someone because they have not gotten to where you are. I strongly believe that each and everyone of us have a purpose in life. We all take different paths to get to our end goal. Some get there a lot faster than others and some it takes almost their whole life time to get to their goal, just because we are going at different paces doesnt mean you are better than the other.

Anyway my point is, dont let anyone step on you because you feel they are standing better than you are. I know personally I have taken a lot longer to get to where I want to be and I am not even there yet, but the point is I know where I am going and I know I will get there and just because I meet someone who may already be where I need to be doesnt make them any better than me.

I am back!

Hi Readers!!!
After 8 months of a very intense school year I am proud to say I am finally done! Done done done!!! I walked into this program thinking it was going to be a breeze. I even accepted a part time job weeks before school started thinking everything was going to be smooth sailing. I was sooo wrong!!! Lots of sleepless nights, writing papers that were longer than some of my favourite novels and exams that honestly at times I could not see the head or tail of it, I am proud to say I am done! I don't regret it because it was worth it. Met some wonderful people along the way, true friends I know will be part of my life forever and helped me realise that I am smarter than I thought I was. Very encouraging yet willing to step in to help me any chance I got. Either way, this program really taught me I have it in me and that with hard work nothing is impossible.

Anyways, just so you know, I have lots and lots of things going through my mind so I am pretty sure I'll be blogging everyday, Also I have some exciting news to share, Just waiting on a confirmation that its a go and I'll inform you all. Until then, I am back in full force! If you enjoy my blog, please comment, share and follow!

I never really know my blogs are being read until I see people following or commenting so please if you can please do so. I do appreciate every single one of you for reading my blog. You dont have to yet you do. Thanks so much!! I feel blessed to know that you take it as seriously as I do.

Well I have a lot to share so let me get back to it, Either way I am back in full force and thanks again for reading!!


Peace!!

Only time will tell

I know I have been out of touch with my blog for awhile. Please forgive me. I am in my final weeks of school so it has taken up my time. I am however taking a break from it all to keep my readers updated and share whats been on my mind. Enjoy

I was listening to Joe's Good girls" today and I am a huuuuuuuuge Joe fan. Especially his older stuff. Anyway, if you have heard the song you might have heard this line "Now why are all the good girls taken everytime" Its just a song but I can't help but wonder how true that is? I mean women are quick to say how all the good men are taken then why can't men say the same thing? That being said, does that mean as a single woman I am not a good women?

My girls and I have been having this discussion for the past couple of days. It seems like everytime we think someone decent is coming our way, something happens and just like that he is out of lives. I can't but wonder, what are we doing wrong? What impression are we giving these men that keep them running out of our lives as quickly as they came in. Will our time ever come?

I look at my girls and myself and I say we are good women! I wouldnt be friends with them if I didnt think they were. We might not be in the financial position we wish to be in but we are working towards that, we are God fearing, well educated, strong, beautiful, trustworthy,loyal good women yet we are all single. My question again is, are we the bad women that no one wants?

People keep saying, Your time will come, just be patient, well I feel like I have been waiting for ever. Did the guy lose his way? His gps is faulty or did he take a longer route because I feel like I have been waiting for ever. I see everyone around me getting hooked up even the so called "bad" women seem to be settling down and yet I am still in the single lane waiting to cross into the HOV...when will it happen?

All I can say is, although I believe I am where i want to be, I may not be. I need to re-evaluate myself, look at the direction I am going. Start to focus on me and what I need and want, Where I need to be. My girl said, she needs to lower her standards because she believes her standards are too high. I told her no! Never EVER lower your standards. If you have managed to get to a place in your life on your own, why lower it to bring yourself back to where you started. I told her she might need to re-evaluate her choices but never lower them. Maybe she is focusing on the guy who is tall with the nice body, but the guy who might be a little shorter and might not have muscles buldging might be a better choice than the dreamy looking guy. Re-evaluating your choices simply means looking at all your superficial wants and re thinking those options and maybe being a little open minded to those who might not possess those superficial qualities but can bring to you things you need...

Love will come, It might not come when we want it, but it will come. Thats all I have to say.