Age aint nothing but a number

I really wanted to think of a title that wouldnt give away my topic so easily but its pretty early and I've been up since 6am so I got nothing. This topic was suggested to me by a friend and a few years ago if I had been asked to write on this topic, I probably would have approached this topic differently and more negatively but age and experience has definitely taught me differently.

For most men dating a younger woman almost seems natural. In most cases you find that the man is older than his female partner. Whether its a couple of months to a couple of years to as much as 20 years and although a few people may have a few negative things to say about a man who dates a woman who is significantly younger than him its more acceptable. However a new phenomenon seems to be arising in our society...maybe not a new phenomenon but more socially accepting than it was a few years ago. A woman dating a younger man. I dont know why there was much resistance about it. I dont know if it has to deal with the fact that a woman births a child so to date someone who could pratically be your child would play into the whole oedipus complex or could it be the fact that a man is the head of the house hold so to have a man who pretty much should be taking orders from a woman who is older than him is just too weird... I dont know. It would be ignorant or naive of me to say Demi and Ashton were the reasons why it has become more socially acceptable to date younger men but i will say this much that since Demi and Ashton got married we are hearing a lot more "couger" relationships.

So why am I writing on this topic? Simple, why should we really use age as a factor to date someone. I mean really as long as both parties are legal and they are happy then who cares that one person is older than the other? I mean I know some men who are significantly younger than me and though I wouldnt date them, they have their shit together than men who are older and supposedly more mature than me. Which leads me to my next point. Maturity.

Personally I dont think maturity has anything to do with your chronological age. There maybe people who are 50 years old but their maturity level is that of a 25 year old and there are others who might be 25 but have the maturity level of a 50 year old. So really as a woman, if you are 10 years older than the guy and he is on the same maturity level as you then really why should it matter that he is younger than you. I mean yes sometimes there are some factors that you need to consider which is if you could still have kids with him, are at a place where marriage is no longer an option for you yet he is ready to play house? I mean those count but really should the age be a reason why you should or shouldnt pursue him.

I have a friend and she is currently dating someone younger than her. Not significantly younger, just a couple of years and initially she had a problem with the age but as she got to know him she realised that this guy was a great guy... he had a good job, he was a good man all around, attentive, sensitive, caring, very loving and pretty much everything she could hope for in a man. So in a situation like this does age really matter or is the connection that really matters.

I read a really interesting quote the other day and it says "you cant stop love because it doesnt come wrapped in the package you are most accostumed to" So instead of us focusing too much on the age, its probably best we focus on really what makes this guy so amazing.

As a friend shared with me the other day " focus on the one reason why it will work and not the many reasons why it wont" because if there is one reason why it will work then who cares about the other reasons because as long as there is one reason to make it work then you will be more inclined to find more reasons to make it work.

I am no way shape or form promoting younger men but I am just saying instead of focusing on his age focus on why you would want to be with him and make it happen.

Red!

I am finall back from vacation. I'll be lying if I say I am glad to be back but I am glad to finally take action of my life and let great things happen in my life. This year the only thing stopping me from reaching for the skies is if God's plan for me is to reach for the sun. Either way I am ready and eager to get this show on the road so I can finally get to where I need and want to be.

My trip was interesting to say the least. Had quite a few travelling issues but that topic deserves a blog of its on because right now I am not impressed with Delta, British Airways or KLM. Either way I'll just say I am glad I got to my destination safe and sound and in one piece and back here safe and sound and in one piece.

There is so much I want to share with you all but I will need to gather my thoughts and really think of what I believe is worth sharing. Some things I would rather keep personal and between the parties involved and other things I believe is okay to be put out there. Either way I did have a wonderful time and I realised that no matter what, Going home is always great! Being around family and friends was wonderful and It really has me thinking about how important family and friends are in my life.

One thing I do want to share and this actually was suggested by one of my friends is something I had been wanting to do for so long and I finally threw caution to the wind and just did it without thinking too much of the outcome or the possible consequences. I will say this though, It was the best decision I have made in a long time and as you read, you will know what I am talking about.

For those of you who know me, I have been natural for over 5 years now...probably longer. I decided to stop using any chemicals in my hair quite a number of years ago when I realised my hair was so unhealthy and I was always dreading getting a touch up because the relaxing cream would burn my scalp and the pain was soo unbearable I would cry. A friend of mine suggested to me that I stop relaxing my hair for a period of time to really allow my hair to grow and hopefully when I see my hair re-gain its strength and luster I can go back to relaxing. Well to say the least I never went back and as I type this I really dont see myself going back to chemicals. I would say never but who knows how I would feel 5 years, 10 years or even a day from now but as of now I am staying natural and I am not going back.

Anyway, for those of you who are natural you will realise that it can get very boring especially if you are not creative with your hair as some natural divas are. That boredom can actually have you thinking of going back to your relaxer days and if you dont have enough will power you might do that. Anyway, one thing I did realise while I was away was how many women in Ghana have gone natural. For a nation where hair salons can litterally be found on every corner and anyone who knows a black woman knows that we do not play with our hair. So to see women with such beautiful long natural hair was soo beautiful and empowering and to me it meant that many black women are beginning to embrace their God given hair and they do not need to change it to suit anyone but themselves. I also noticed that a lot of women were dreading their hair! I thought it was soo beautiful that a culture who frowned upon dreads because they associated it to mean the person was on drugs or lived a care free lifestyle with no ambition is now embracing such a beautiful hair style and realises that we are definitely not our hair and that even dreds can be beautiful. Personally if i could stick to one thing for a long time and not get bored I would dread my hair as well but I love the versitility of my hair and the fact that one day i can wear it in a huge afro or I can braid it up, or straighten it with a flat iron so to dread my hair I know I would be bored with it and wish I could have my afro back.

The decision I made that I dont regret was to dye my hair! It wasnt a spontaneous decision of course because I had been thinking about it for a couple of months but the minute I got to Ghana I walked straight into a hair salon wearing my sisters clothes(my luggage hadnt arrived yet) and I told the hair dresser which hair color I was thinking about and before I could object she had put the colour in and here I was an hour later walking away with red hair! At first when she put it in I almost told her to wash it out because I wasnt ready for it, but after sitting there for the color to set and her washing it out all I could think was "what did I just do??" As she blew out my hair I realised that wow! this is amazing plus all the compliments I got from the other stylist reassured me that I had made the best decision ever. The moment of truth was going home and showing it to my mother. Of course I thought she was going to freak out and tell me to go back and dye it black but she couldnt get enough of it! She loved it and just like she loved it, every single person who saw me with my colour loved it too!! Finally I knew I had done something that was right for a change.

Dying my hair was the most liberating, sexiest thing I had done in a very long time. It made me feel soo confident and beautiful. It change the way I walked, the way I looked at myself, how I presented myself to people and I like to think that the men who knew me or met me were not complaining either. It amazed me how much hair can make a woman feel soo sexy and beautiful and at the same time make you feel soo ugly. We are not our hair I strongly believe but I do think it plays a part in how we feel about ourselves and how we present ourselves to others.

I am loving who I am now and although building confidence shouldnt be based on what colour my hair is, I'll definitely say its a good way to start.

Happy New Year!

A very Happy New Year to everyone! Yes I am back to blogging in full force and I believe that this will be an exciting year so I am pretty sure that I will be sharing a lot more. However, I am still on vacation and I am not due back home for a few more days but I have had quite a bit on my mind and I figured I'll put something down before I forget what I have been thinking about.

Last year was fairly interesting, I like to believe I discovered a lot about my self I was either blind to or I wasnt exactly sure that part of me existed. I learnt a lot for sure. It gave me a chance to really figure out what I wanted out of life and also gave me the opportunity to better understand who I was and how my experiences has shaped who I was. This year on the other hand I plan to make it my best year yet! I plan to take control of my life(although God will be my gps) and just not let anything or anyone stop me from going after what I want. I am going to list a few things I plan to achieve this year and as the year goes by, I'll make sure to keep everyone updated on my progress.

1. As I stated earlier, I plan to take charge. I am going to not let life and people influence the decisions I make. If there is something I want, I'll go for it.
2.Allow myself to be open minded. Open minded with job opportunities, love, friendships and just people in general. I consider myself pretty open minded but I do know that to some extent my naivete or should I say my ignorance has prevented me from opening myself up to possibilities and the one time I did that this year...(I know we are only a couple of weeks in but I have already experienced quite a bit)...I was pleasantly surprised.
3. I plan to run a 26 mile marathon. It will be closer to the end of the year for sure but that's my goal for the year so upon returning from my trip I plan to hit the gym extra hard than i did last year and make sure that by the end of the year I would have ran the marathon.
4. Be more aggressive. this probably goes hand in hand with point number one but this time around my aggression is more in relation to love than it is to life. Not to say I wont be aggressive with professional opportunities but I am tired of sitting back and waiting for sparks to start flying in my life. As my younger cousin adviced me last night, If I find someone I am interested in, go for it. Dont make excuses as to why I shouldnt try to pursue the person. Of course I dont plan to be the man in the chase but whats stopping me from also making the first moves and seeing what can happen from that. That being said, if I find its one sided instead of hanging around waiting for actions to be reciprocated, I plan to walk away and not look back. which leads me to my next point.
5. Know my worth. I need to stop putting people on pedestals and making them seem better than me. I need to learn that I am worthy too and that no one is above me or beneath me. I have so much to offer and I need to stop selling my self short and going around like everyone is better than I am. Yes I may not have achieved all i want out of life but I still have so much to give and I am not exactly giving up on my plans.
6. Learn to accept my fate and make the best out of it. Not to say I am going to resign myself to believe that my circumstances is or are what they are but rather look at my circumstances and my situation and trying to make it work for me. As the saying goes when life hands you lemons make lemonade...and sell. So just because I might not have a job, or I might not be in a relationship or I might not be a size 6 doesnt mean I cant look at my job situation and use this opportunity to take a course, or find a different career path for the mean time, or my lack of relationship doesnt mean i have to stay home on a saturday night and wallow in my misery but instead get myself out there, attend a poetry night, volunteer more, go speed dating...whatever or if I am not ever going to be a size 6 then just work on being a healthier heavier me,embrace my curves and just find what works for me while still maintaining my healthy life style.
7. Learn to complain less and listen more. I know i am a huge whiner, I whine about almost everything but last year I tried this whole positive outlook and thinking kinda lifestyle and it worked for me...yes i will admit when things went bad I would fret and go off for a bit but this year I plan to look at the situation, give thanks to God that its not as bad as it can be and immediately find a solution to it. Listen more, give myself a chance for others to speak and really hear what they have to say.

Although i could probably go on and on and on this blog, I am going to stop for now and pretty much pick it up at another time. I just felt that it will be a good way to start the blog this year and hopefully as the months go by we can all refer back to this blog and see how far along I have come.

Happy New Year guys and I pray and wish for you happiness and peace and may all your dreams and aspirations come true. Lets make this year our year while we all strive to put God first!

Happy Holidays!

I have already done a recap of my year so I don't want to regurgitate what I already said but I want to take the time to remind everyone to give thanks for a successful year! Yes, it may not have been the year you expected for yourself. Like myself it may have been a tougher year than past years but I say its successful because by his Grace by December 31st, I'll be alive, I'll be well and I will be in church just before the clock strikes 12 ushering in a new day and a New year giving thanks to the Lord above for bringing me this far and most importantly hopefully taking me through a new year.

As this year comes to an end, Look back and reflect on the year you had. Might have been a great year, might not have been all that great but you are alive, you are well and you are blessed and that's all you can hope for in this unpredictable world.

So before I sign out, I just want to thank each and every one of your for your readership! Although I have only 19 subscribers I am well aware that I have far more readers than I even know about! I thank you guys for following me through my year. For not judging me when I poured out my thoughts and my hearts to you and even if you did judge me, I thank you for not voicing your judgement. I pray that the new year brings us all our hearts desires and most importantly the patience to wait for our turn because as long as you are walking this earth your time will come! Nothing is impossible for our Lord so you may or may not believe in him but recognise this. He is alive and he is not sleeping. He has a plan for each and every single one of us. Just keep praying and hoping and believe his will, will be done in your lives.

A good friend shared something with me when I had a mini melt down a few weeks back and I will share this with you.

"God has three answers to prayers: Yes, Not yet and I have something better in store" So remember this, Your prayers will be answered. As the saying goes, God may not answer when you call but he is always on time!


So have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and unless something comes up that requires me to blog about it between now and the new year, I'll see you all in the New Year!

God Bless!

To my Ladies: He is just not that into you

Although this post is addressed to my ladies I really will appreciate feedback from my male readers because I believe you can correct me where I am wrong but I felt this is something I needed to get off my chest.

In this day and age with books, movies, tv shows what say you on this subject you will really think that the message would have been loud and clear and women will know better but I find that the more this topic is touched on the more clueless some of our ladies can get. Of course sometimes when you are in that situation its a lot harder to see clearly but I like to believe that unless you completely lose your mind when you are in love...or really in this case in like, you should still know better.

Let me set up the scenario. Girl meets guy, they seem to click, they get along well chemistry is great. They decide to meet up for drinks. While out they seem to be getting along just fine things are great. Guy takes girl home, they have a wild night of passion everything is great. Next day girl doesnt hear from the guy she sends him a text, calls him whatever no response. three days later guy finally returns her call apologizes for the late response and then ask her if she wants to hang out. He decides to come over her place, they share a few laughs talk next thing you know they are back in bed. Guy is in touch for a couple of days just when girl is getting into the groove of things thinking he is here to stay he vanishes again. So pretty much the cycle has been set. Guy comes and goes as he pleases while girl sits at home with her girlfriends crying her eyes out because the guy only bothers with her when he wants something from her. As girlfriends they all advice her to move on and forget him and she does for a couple of weeks and then he calls her back and its right back to square one. The girl already has the names of the kids they are going to have planned out and the wedding dress she plans to wear on her wedding day to him while the guy is only thinking about her when his small brain does the thinking.

It might be safe to assume in this situation the guy is an ass and for the purposes of this blog please understand i am not talking to women who just happen to fall into the situation above because i am talking to women who have been in any situation where it just seems they are not getting the love they deserve. So back to what I was saying. Yes it is safe to assume that the guy is an ass and I am pretty sure my male readers will agree to some extent that the guy in this scenario is an ass but before we start planning the guys death how about we take a second and really think things through here.

So yes the guy is an ass but lets think about it for a second. Dont you for a second think that the girl is to blame in this situation? Yes the guy has no right to disrespect the girl the way he is but really who is the one in control here? Cus if you ask me the girl is the on in control. Yes the guy comes and goes as he pleases but who has the power to stop him from coming back? Or who has the power to tell him its either you stay or you leave and dont come back? If you ask me, its the girl. She is the one who should be able to man up put her feelings aside and tell the guy to walk away and never look back.

This morning I was listening to the Steve Harvey show and he said something that most of us may have not taken the time to really think about it. He said that we should all understand that there is a huge difference between a guy saying "I got love for you" compared to "I love you" A guy telling you I got love for you means he cares about you and likes you but it by no means he is in love with you and wants to be with you.

A friend of mine told me once and I am sure he doesnt remember saying this to me but this stuck with me and every once in awhile I have to remind myself of thing. He said to me, "If a guy is not spending time with you, its is because he is spending time with someone else" and I really think that is true. Think about it and I am sure my ladies who are in relationships can attest to this and my male readers can confirm this as well. When a guy likes you and whats to be with you, there is nothing and nobody that can keep him away. In this day of technological advancement its almost impossible not to keep in touch if you really want to. With facebook, twitter, linkedin email, cellphones, computers, whatsay you its almost impossible to get rid of people you really dont even want in your life. I said to myself the other day that its funny how even now when you want to get rid of someone, you really cant because technology still ties you to them. So really when the guy is not responding to your text messages, or emails or blackberry messages when it clearly says he has read it, its time to really advice yourself if this is really the guy for you.

Ladies i know its hard when you get caught up with someone and you really like them but any relationship is a two way street. Just because by nature you are a giver doesnt mean you should only give and not receive. Its hard to like someone and know they dont feel the same especially when they keep coming back every once in awhile and make you feel like they want you. Sometimes walking away and letting them know that you wont let them come and go out of your life is what they need to really to make them stay. I always say its a good way to screen out the good and the bad. If you walk away and let him know you wont stand for this maybe he will realise that this is who he really wants and will stay however if he walks away as well then you know he is not the one for you

Matters of the heart

All morning this topic has plagued my mind and I decided that instead of just going on and on about it in my head I might as well put it down since I cant seem to stop thinking about it.

Break ups I think is a touchy subject. Touchy because every single persons relationship is different from the next. Its really hard to put yourself in someones shoes and advice them on how to deal with their break up because you really were not in that relationship. How they felt is something you will not understand no matter how relatable their situation is to yours. Everyones feelings are different so you cant just come out and tell someone to snap out of it. Our dealing mechanisms are different as well. Some people break up today, and tomorrow they are over it. Some people break up today and 2 years down the road they are still mourning the demise of their relationship. I wont tell you which type of person I am but I will tell you this. I love hard but when I finally let go there is no looking back no matter what our relationship was like. Yes yes, I do believe that if you and whoever are meant to be together you will be together but in that instance I leave that up to fate, other than that I pack my bags and move on especially when I am through.

Anyway I cannot talk about this topic without putting my two cents in. This is my take on break ups and it might sound sorta harsh but I think sometimes it the approach you might have to take. Break ups are hard, after spending some amount of time with anyone its hard to break away and not let it upset you. Sometimes one person may walk away feeling better about the break up than the other but none the less leaving a relationship is hard and I do believe that for your own benefits its important to mourn the end of the relationship but remember this. The person didnt die, they just decided to leave your life its sad yes it is but dont sit around crying about it forever. Take your time for sure there is no rush but also remember that its not the end of the world. God may bring someone into your life to teach you something but it doesnt mean he brought them in to keep them there. Take the lessons you learned from the relationship and use that to move on to the next one. Every one brings something to your life that enhances it in some way. It may not seem that way at the time but if you look back you realise they brought something to your life that you didnt have before. Might be strength to be able to carry you through the next phase of your life, It might be love because they came when you had given up on love, might be reassurance because you were beginning to wonder when that good man will come your way or good woman. Either way they bring something to your life that you may not have had before or you need a reminder of but that doesnt mean they are there to stay.

Another thing we all tend to do when we leave someone we truly cared about is use them as a blue print for all other relationships. We place them high on a pedastal where its almost impossible for anyone to measure up to the standards they set in your life. I am guilty of that so I know what I mean. Its good to have someone who set the standards high but remember they set the standard for that period of time. Dont get me wrong, I am not say go from a winner to a loser thats definitely not what I am expressing here but just like my fingerprint blog, no two people are made the same, not even twins. Everyone has their own unique factor that makes them unique so Person A may have brought something into your life that you now cant seem to live without but Person B will come wiht something completely different that you may need in your life at that particular point in time. Either way each person comes into your life with something completely different just be open and willing to give each person a chance to be themselves in your relationship and dont punish them for the mistakes of the person before. Its not their fault you were in the situation before they came in. Allow them to make their own mistakes but also know what you need and deserve and make sure you dont allow them to make the same mistakes as before.

Most importantly I think its important that you dont sit around waiting for the person who left your life to come back into it. Yes as the saying goes if they are meant to be in your life they will be. However living your life expecting them to come back will prevent you from moving forward. God takes people out of our lives to prepare us to receive better people. If you hold on to something God has taken out of your life you are blocking yourself from receiving what God really wants us to have. So like I said before, take your time to mourn the loss of your relationship but also remember that its not the end. Wake up ready to move on and accept that what happened in your life happened but there is also more to come so embrace your fate and move on. As I type this I do not type this alone to share but I type this for myself cus I do understand its easier said than done but I also know that as hard as letting go is, it has to happen and you can only move forward if you let go.

Break ups are hard but just remember its Gods way of preparing you for something better. Embrace it, accept it and wait for your blessing because he/she is coming...might be a little lost right now but they are on their way!

The Art of Patience

This is a topic that has become so important to me and although I havent ever touched on it other than in a few lines in my other blogs I felt it is important for me to touch on it some more just because I realise how much being patient has changed my outlook on life.

My cousin is here visiting and although the circumstances surrounding his visit is not necessarily positive he is here nonetheless. I bring him up only because at this point in his life his patience and his trust in God I believe is really being tested. For someone who expects results right away and will go as far as getting the job done himself if it means it can get done at his pace which is probably a lot faster than the average person. He has been put in the position where he has no control over the outcome of events and no control over when things have to get done. He has been here for a week and at this point in time he cannot give you a definite time and date when he will return. Its driving him up the wall. Its testing his patience and quite frankly he is at the verge of cracking.

Of course for me its easy to sit back and tell him to be patient and just wait for things to get done but not being in his shoes I cant relate to what he is going through. However thats where he is wrong. I can relate. Being the kind of person who has no patience for anything. I have no patience for stupidity, i have no patience for time, I have no patience with just anyone who feels they can do things when they want if they want. living with my brother who pretty much does things when he wants can drive me up the wall but my expriences this year and last year has taught me something and that something is patient.

This past year, i have had to patiently wait for someone to notice my resume and give me a call for an interview, I have had to patiently wait for classmates to get their portion of the school project done when i had my portion done a long time ago, i have had to practise patience when I had to get somewhere at a certain time and the subways and the busses havent been on time to get me to where I need to go. i have paitiently had to wait in a cold and dark apartment while my apartment manager had to get their shit together and figure out what the problem was to turn the heat and electricity back on. I have had to wait for my brother to get home from a night out because he left his key at home and couldnt open the door.

All this patience has really taught me a lot about myself. it has taught me that I am not the center of the world and that I cant always expect people to do things my way on my time. It has taught me to be a little bit more reliant on people and most importantly ask for help when I really thought I could handle it all. I believe the most important thing it has taught me is, stressing over situations you sometimes have no control over it, will not speed up the process any faster or slow it down. It just means you have to try your best to keep positive and hope and pray that things happen on schedule. It has also taught me not to give up. It keeps me grounded and keeps me moving forward even when I lose hope because I know that if I am patient and I wait on the lord, things will happen at the right time.

Patience is something that a lot of us find it hard to practise. The world we live in tells us that if you wait you get left behind and to some extent that is true. However being hit hard with a recession, having to patiently wait to find a job so you can get your life back on track has really taught people that you really need to be patient. As frustrating as waiting can be, being patient definitely has its perks. Maybe this is God's way of giving us a chance to sit back, relax and enjoy this ride.