What I learnt from this year

This has been an interesting year to say the least and although its not technically over, I think this time will be a good as any to share with you what I have taken from this year and hopefully what I will take or not take with me into the the new year.

This year has been interesting on many accounts. I think the best part of this year was having my whole family with me over the summer for a couple of weeks. For many people having your parents and of course your twin sister live across the world and only being able to see them at the most once a year if you are lucky is quite difficult. Of course my brother and I chose to stay back in Canada but at the same token it might have been a lot easier if they lived a couple of miles away but when the miles are over a thousand it gets harder and harder to deal. Being able to share the same roof for a change and be a family was fun. Reminded me of how important it is to have family close by and even though we fight and we often get on each others nerves the joy you experience being around people you love is absolutely priceless..

I managed to finish another leg in my educational journey...although its was not my ideal situation and its definitely was not the final leg, being able to achieve anything is amazing but I believe when your achievement are educational based its even more empowering because it means that your curiousity to learn and to accept that you still need to better yourself through education is important.

I quit a job I hated without another job in place to replace it. Daring move especially in these economic times but it came to a point where the money was not enough to keep me going. It came to a point where I felt most of my unhappiness stemed from being unhappy in my job and although it was a pay check...a bad one but nonetheless a pay check I had to give it up. Unfortunately I havent been lucky enough to find a replacement but I have been happier and more positive about my situation but most importantly I have felt more blessed because I realise that through my trials and tribulations I still have more than most and I am still able to do things I was doing while employed. Its taught me patience and its given me a chance to really reflect on who I am and what I want out of life and although I am still on the path of self discovery I realise my path is becoming more and more defined as each day passes.


This has brought new and true friends into my life and I also started losing or lost some very important people in my life as well. Not to death but I guess to life. It made me re-evaluate my relationships with people and not necessarily let go of people I felt were not working to keep our relationship going but it made me realise that I can't force a relationship. Sometimes the best thing in life is to realise that some people are meant to stay and some are meant to go. It hurt, it sucks, you cry, you get upset, you even get angry but sometimes letting go means a new beginning for something else and thats exactly what happened. I had a new beginning with an old friend and right now I believe our friendship is stronger than ever. Of course I can only pray our friendship stands the test of times and it gets richer and stronger with time but I do know that if it doesnt make it that far, I can look back with no regrets but appreciate their time in my life and what they brought to it, just like I can look back at the relationship I shared with friends I have lost and realise that although we are no longer what we used to be, they came at time when they were supposed to be there and left when they were supposed to leave. I will always love them and my heart will always hold a place for them and I know whatever we shared good or bad changed my life and who I am today.

What did I learn this year? well pretty much here it goes

I learnt that being beautiful doesnt mean you can fit into a smaller dress size, or you have a particular physical look but really who you are inside and how you love yourself. Its hard to expect people to consider you beautiful if you dont feel beautiful. I also learnt that I might never be slim but I can work on being healthy and most importantly accepting who I am. Until I accept who I am it doesnt matter if I lose 50lbs or not I will never believe I am beautiful.

I took away from this year that good friends no matter how far away they are will always be in your lives. You dont have to know someone for years to consider them a good friend but its important to know that a good friend accepts you for who you are. They love you through the pay and they rejoice with you through the happiness. When you kneel down to pray at night, not only are you praying for them but they are kneeling down at night praying for you as well. They have their faults just like you do but at the end of the day you know and learn that they are real and thats all that matters.

I learnt to accept that not everything you want in life comes when you want it. I have been on a long journey and to say I am half way they were would be a lie but I also know that I can't give up because things are not going as planned. As the saying goes, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans." that being said, it doesnt mean because you have given it up to God you must stop fighting for him because although it takes God to get what you want, you can't get it if you dont work for it.

One of the most important lessons I learnt in life is patience. Just to add on to what I said above, being paitent takes a lot strength and self peace. Being someone who expected immediate results, going through this year made me realise that you can't rush life. If I had my eye opening moment about patience this year is probably when I heard the story of the 33 miners trapped underground. 33 miners trapped for 69 days and prior to their rescue they had no idea when their rescue day was. However, their strong faith in God and their patience aided in them surviving the full 69 days presumeably coming out healthy and in a sane state of mind that almost seems impossible to believe. Hearing their story just made me realise that with patience, God does answer prayers but at his own time.

I learnt that a man should not define me. A man should not be the reason I make decisions about how I look, what I do, where I work, who I am. It took me a long time and a lot of prayer and self reflection to realise how much I had let men define my life an it wasnt till I finally realised how much of an influence they had on my decisions in life was I able to finally let go and take charge. Hard to believe coming from someone who has pretty much been single for a very long time but I realised that depending on who I had feelings for at a particular time in my life, the decisions I made were decisions they subconsciously made for me. Decisions they probably were not aware they were making for me but looking back now they did. My sudden drive to lose weight, my desire to work or live in a particular place all came from their influence and though some of the decisions where probably good decisions for me, they were not my own decisions and breaking away from that has given me the power to finally be me.

I think the most important lesson I have learnt this year is staying true to myself. Going after i want, not being afraid to make decisions that can be life altering but they make me happy. I have had soo much influence in my life, decisions made I may not have been happy with but fear prevented me from voicing my concerns. Not allowing people to take advantage of me. Not being afraid to speak when things are wrong instead of keeping quiet and trying to take it all in. It may upset them that I said what was on my mind but keeping it all in and hurting is far more damaging than letting them know the truth.
*I learnt that family wants whats best for you but they may not really know what is best for you.
*Job hunting sucks but its very humbling.
*Education may be the key to success but it doesnt mean it is the key to success
*Love hurts and its okay to cry when your heart breaks but to give up on love is to give up on yourself.
*I really love watching tv and I am not afraid to say it.
*Working out is hard but the benefits are priceless
*Its okay to ask for help. You cant do it all and sometimes its okay to ask for help.
*Men might never put the seat down on the toilet
*Not everyone wants your happiness but it also doesnt mean you must hide your joy
*How you treat people may not necessarily mean they will treat you the same way
*Cant compare my situation to others. Just because they may have it going on doesnt mean your life is really that bad.
*Women are beautiful creatures and we come in all shapes and colours and sizes but being a black woman has been an amazing journey and i couldnt have asked to be anything else.
*It takes a lot of energy to stay depressed and most times when I give in to my depression everything goes wrong but the minute I decide to let it go and stay positive I realise how much easier it is to be happy than it is to be sad.
*That my problems are really not bad. It could be a lot worse but its not so I have to stay grateful
*Its okay to date yourself. Its okay to treat yourself out to a day on your own. Sitting in a movie theatre alone doesnt mean you are a loser but it means you are comfortable with yourself enough to know you can go out on your own and not have anyone with you but still enjoy yourself
*Last but definitely not least. When you have God in your life nothing is impossible. Never lose faith in God and all your prayers will be answered. Not when you call but he will be there when the time is right

So as I enter this new year I hope the lessons I learnt will help me be a better person in the new year and though it may be difficult at times I know nothing stays the same.

What Is Love? No seriously, what is it?

Hey guys, So I gave my cousin a task and that was to write a blog because I really think he has a talent with putting words together. Here is his post. Please share with him what you think of his entry.

Disclaimer 1: the Bible has a definition of love (love is kind, love is just, etc). I'm fully aware of it. What you should be fully aware of is in observing how most of us tend to forget this definition, or to be more exacting, try to get to this type of love by going around God, I have more or less tabled that definition.


Disclaimer 2: In having set up the first disclaimer, expect a lot of sarcasm and cynicism. And abstract thought. If it is abstract only to me, then take it as a grain of entertainment.


Disclaimer 3: I have not been in any serious relationship. You say my views are left-field. I say that I am less biased and more clear-headed.


I love you.


If you say it a number of times, you'll be disgusted. Or you'll be filled with bliss. Go on. Try it.


Why would you be filled with disgust? Many a reason. Most likely it probably stems from the lack of truth in it.


I was once told in a psychology class that you can't be sure about your significant other unless you've been in a relationship for two years. In that time, the passion aspect of the relationship dissipates, leaving you with the intimacy and companionship components. It's at this point that you can truly see yourself being with this person for the rest of your life. Or you see that the relationship is now boring and it's time for you to move on.


This makes sense. But to many a fool it won't because 'love is blind' and 'love knows no bounds' and other cookie-cutter fairy-tale-type nonsense that everyone fails to consider because they're looking for a rush. And if you're one of these fools...well, you're a fool. An idiot. Wake up and smell the damned fumes off the drying paint.


Because how many times have you observed a relationship in which the phone conversations ended in 'I love you' especially when they've been going out for 2 months? Not a big deal, you think? My, how you have set yourself up for the inevitable...


Because how many times has one of you asked the other, Why do you love me?, and you've gone to the part of your brain that deals in bullshit to churn out a poetic answer which really has no value other than to make the one feel good, and to grant the other peace? (And then when you throw the question back at the other, all you get is "I dunno, I just do.")


Because how many times has it felt forced coming out of your mouth to the other person, but when it comes to inanimate objects (your phone most likely), "I love you" flows like water over a babbling brook?


The meaning of love between a couple in this generation is lost. It's gone. And because it's gone we've failed to realize that the meaning of that love is what makes everything else strong. What makes everything else bearable.


Look at the concept of raising a family. It's supposed to be a loving couple (and since I'm Catholic and old-fashioned...), from which children of sound mind and being spring forth. A couple that even through adversity and despair their love continues to bind them tight. A family that from the first breathe of the first born to the day that the last born leaves the house to start a future, has been together supporting each other and loving each other, because that's what their parents have taught them to do. And it's with that knowledge that they'll pass on what they have learned to their significant others so that their families may be blessed with that gift.


But I bet you didn't know that? Because what you've seen becoming ever popular is the single mother and the baby daddy. A kid or a bunch of kids are raised under needlessly difficult circumstances. The father shows up once every week or every other week because he has his life to live and he wasn't ready to start this but because the woman had no choice (again, Catholic and old-fashioned...) she must bear all the weight. Her dreams and hopes put on hold, or reformatted because it's no longer about her but about her children. Where's her time? The story gets worse when the woman isn't committed to having kids so she's still going to live life like the young adult that she is and have no regard for her young ones.


But I digress.


Why would you be filled with bliss, though?