I may have written a blog similar to this before but hey its something that keeps invading my mind so I am going to write on it again. I happen to have finished school at a time when the world pretty much went to Hell! Okay so maybe not right away but it seems like every path I took seemed to have been the wrong path. I got out of school enthusiastic, ready to face the world. Nothing or no one was going to stop me from rising that corporate ladder. 5 years later I am still trying to get through that damn door! Anyway I went back to school, thought I'll try a new career path, maybe with much luck I'll have better success with that. I finished school a couple of months ago and I am yet to hear that phone ring with even an interview prospect.
Its hard! Its tough and sometimes its very discouraging. There are many days where I would wake up, take a shower and lie on the couch till night fall because I have no desire to keep pressing on! Its gotten to the point where I am reapplying to the jobs I have already applied to hoping my preseverance will finally get the eye of the recruiter.
However, as hard and as discouraging as it is, I dont want to give up. I dont want to give in to my doubt, into my frustration because I know that the minute I give in to it, it means I have given up. I have accepted defeat. its a lot harder when constantly you hear your parents ramming it into your ear to give up, pack up and move back home. "it will be a lot easier here, we will set you up, you will be okay! No need to worry about your rent and food, all will be taken care off, just sign on the dotted line give us your life and all will be well"...of course not exactly in those words but in my opinion thats pretty much what it means. I dont fault them, I am not upset with them and sometimes I actually think they are right. They mean well and any parent who loves their kids want to do whatever they can to make their lives easier. Unfortunately for them I am extremely stubborn and hard headed. I refuse to give in to their request or offers. To me accepting their offer means i have failed, to me it means I cannot survive on my own and because my biggest fear is failure I will rather keep at this struggle than to give in to their defeat knowing in my spirit that my God above will see me through.
I have actually thought of doing my own thing, forgetting the whole tradtional career thing and breaking out on my own. Might be a lot harder than actually getting a job but I know the benefits will be worth while. I might actually become more successful than if I ever worked for someone...i dont know...i am rambling now...
I just needed to get this off my chest. Another rejection letter came in today and I wont lie, it has me upset a bit. It seems like besides the silent fones, my inbox is filled with rejection letters but hey I guess thats life! You have to be rejected a hundred times to be accepted that one time! Lets hope that my one time is coming sooner than later!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
The Demise of the "Regular" black woman
Okay so I am lying in bed reading a book. I really should be studying but hey it looks like its about to rain and quite frankly my bed seems to call my name better than the damn text book. Anyway, my black berry goes off and its an email. Recently anytime I hear my blackberry go off indicating its an email I immediately check it because it could be a job asking for an interview(the things you go through when you are actively looking for work) anyway its an email from my girl and in the email is a link to a blog story. I actually read this blog occasionally. For any of you who are Essence Magazine readers its Demetria Lucas's blog "A belle in Brooklyn" Demetria Lucas is Essences's editor of love and relationships. She puts out the "Bachelor of the Month" articles in the magazine. The article simple states this "Visual Aesthetics" I'll post the link of the article at the bottom of the page so you can read for yourself but what I found out from the article was that now there is something called "Regular black".
Regular Black black from my understanding is anyone who does not have any other race in their blood stream. So for example anyone who doesnt possess any "exotic features" Nice curly hair, light skin shade, the thinner lips, more narrow nose, pretty much if both your parents are black, and the only link to any non black person is your non black co worker you sometimes go out to lunch with, then you are regular black.
Wow is all I can say! Regular black! Now being regular black seems not to be good enough. Its bad enough that for us regular black women, its already hard enough out tehre for us. I am not going to say white people have it easier but thats just the way it is. Now to be regular black you are not beautiful enough, or "exotic" enough to be considered beautiful. The article pretty much says her friends were not allowed into a club she was hosting because they were regular black. The bouncer was given the authority by the club owner that anyone who didnt meet the "visual aesthetics" of the club, meaning anyone who didnt have any exotic features were not mixed with any other type of race could not enter the club. HOw sick is that???????????? Why do we have to distinguish between black people. Why do the so called "lighter skinned" black people have to be given better treatement than dark skinned black people? Why is our skin colour so important?
I mean it goes back to the days of slavery where the light skinned black people were allowed in the masters house and the dark skinned were out in the field. For centuries light skinned people have been considered more beautiful than dark skinned people. Dont get me wrong I have nothing against light skinned people. Coming from a family where we have white ancestry and a lot of interracial marriages, I have a lot of family memebers who are light skinned. Would I call them more beautiful than my dark skinned relatives? No! Why? simply because we all have our own unique beauty. My mom always says, you are the shade of colour because God knew you wouldnt look good a different shade. I strongly believe that! Why should someone be more beautiful because they havea lighter shade skin colour?
I know some light skin people who I wouldnt consider attractive and I know some dark skin people that could make Halle Berry look ugly. However, does their skin colour really define how beautiful they are? Its a shame because I know quite a few men...and women who wouldnt date a dark skinned person because they think their kids will be too dark! Hmmmm...okay? I believe in personal preference. You might like a light skinned person because they may have some features that you find attractive fair enough, but do you have to put down the dark skinned person because God didnt give them that same features?
I am not going to say this mentality is exclusive to the black race because as you all know, Indians have the caste system where darker indians are usually lower class and the lighter indians are upper class, same goes with other groups of Asians and i am sure this mentality runs across all races....Funny enough though, The only race I find wish for darker skin is the caucasian race? Constantly under tanning beds, lying on the beach in the sun so they can get darker? its funny how the race that probably started this whole madness about the difference between the lighter and darker skinned people are those who are actually trying to darken their skin. I could be wrong, but think about it! If they like darker skin then why dont we appreciate what we have!
Its a very sad day when a woman despite her skin colour is turned away from the club because she doesnt meet the "visual aesthetics of the club" Bad style of dressing, I get that, being turned away because you are not light enough? makes no sense! Guess someone turned back time because this madness I thought had left the building!
http://www.abelleinbrooklyn.com/home/2010/9/1/visual-aesthetics.html
">
Regular Black black from my understanding is anyone who does not have any other race in their blood stream. So for example anyone who doesnt possess any "exotic features" Nice curly hair, light skin shade, the thinner lips, more narrow nose, pretty much if both your parents are black, and the only link to any non black person is your non black co worker you sometimes go out to lunch with, then you are regular black.
Wow is all I can say! Regular black! Now being regular black seems not to be good enough. Its bad enough that for us regular black women, its already hard enough out tehre for us. I am not going to say white people have it easier but thats just the way it is. Now to be regular black you are not beautiful enough, or "exotic" enough to be considered beautiful. The article pretty much says her friends were not allowed into a club she was hosting because they were regular black. The bouncer was given the authority by the club owner that anyone who didnt meet the "visual aesthetics" of the club, meaning anyone who didnt have any exotic features were not mixed with any other type of race could not enter the club. HOw sick is that???????????? Why do we have to distinguish between black people. Why do the so called "lighter skinned" black people have to be given better treatement than dark skinned black people? Why is our skin colour so important?
I mean it goes back to the days of slavery where the light skinned black people were allowed in the masters house and the dark skinned were out in the field. For centuries light skinned people have been considered more beautiful than dark skinned people. Dont get me wrong I have nothing against light skinned people. Coming from a family where we have white ancestry and a lot of interracial marriages, I have a lot of family memebers who are light skinned. Would I call them more beautiful than my dark skinned relatives? No! Why? simply because we all have our own unique beauty. My mom always says, you are the shade of colour because God knew you wouldnt look good a different shade. I strongly believe that! Why should someone be more beautiful because they havea lighter shade skin colour?
I know some light skin people who I wouldnt consider attractive and I know some dark skin people that could make Halle Berry look ugly. However, does their skin colour really define how beautiful they are? Its a shame because I know quite a few men...and women who wouldnt date a dark skinned person because they think their kids will be too dark! Hmmmm...okay? I believe in personal preference. You might like a light skinned person because they may have some features that you find attractive fair enough, but do you have to put down the dark skinned person because God didnt give them that same features?
I am not going to say this mentality is exclusive to the black race because as you all know, Indians have the caste system where darker indians are usually lower class and the lighter indians are upper class, same goes with other groups of Asians and i am sure this mentality runs across all races....Funny enough though, The only race I find wish for darker skin is the caucasian race? Constantly under tanning beds, lying on the beach in the sun so they can get darker? its funny how the race that probably started this whole madness about the difference between the lighter and darker skinned people are those who are actually trying to darken their skin. I could be wrong, but think about it! If they like darker skin then why dont we appreciate what we have!
Its a very sad day when a woman despite her skin colour is turned away from the club because she doesnt meet the "visual aesthetics of the club" Bad style of dressing, I get that, being turned away because you are not light enough? makes no sense! Guess someone turned back time because this madness I thought had left the building!
http://www.abelleinbrooklyn.com/home/2010/9/1/visual-aesthetics.html
">
Friday, August 13, 2010
My flaws
Hey guys, I am sorry I have been silent. Its funny how I thought having free time would mean I would write more but I havent been inspired lately so its been difficult to keep up but anyways I am back so here you go.
Few updates, I just celebrated a birthday! 30 is fast approaching and though I am actually looking forward to it, I can't help but wonder sometimes if I am ready? There is so much I thought I would have accomplished by my 30th birthday and though I have a little bit of time to accomplish those goals, I do feel the pressure to make it happen fast! It's not like I am not trying but its tough times...Its funny how we all have all these goals and dreams and deadlines we set for ourselves and then just like that, a twist in life happens and your goals and dreams are put on hold or maybe they change, it all depends on your circumstances and your state of mind at the time. I am not going to let it slow me down and stop me from achieving them but this time I am allowing God to lead the way and I will follow.
Okay so unto what my blog is about. I am sure from previous blogs, most of you have realised by now that I used to and sometimes still do have a poor image of my self. Its been a fighting process and its taking a lot of work to actually get my mind in that place where I can see myself and love every little bit of me. Of course there are some parts of me I love more than others and there are parts of me that I completely hate but I try not to let it get me down or stop me from loving the rest of me. Either way its an uphill battle I plan to fight and I pray that with time i will win this battle.
Anyway, I have recently had some more free time than I have wanted and if there is anything that I am afraid of is to have all this free time and use it to sit back and get fat. Not that being big is a bad thing but if you have been battling your weight like I have all my life then you know that weight is not my favourite thing. Anyway, so I have been hitting the gym extra hard and personallY i havent seen any results but I a few people have said they see a difference. So this afternoon, I decided to treat myself to a mani and pedi. Hey just cus money is not coming in doesnt mean I cant still look good...after all it is summer time and hammer toes is definitely not a good look. Anyways I board the bus on my way home and this older black lady gets on the bus. I see her staring at me...not necessarily smiling but not screw face either. I ignore her and keep on listening to my music minding my business. As this lady disembarks the bus at the station she taps me, I lean in and she says..." You have a super figure" Trust me that was the nicest and biggest compliment I have heard in a long time if not ever! I was immediately overjoyed!
I guess the purpose of my post is basically to say this. What you may think is unattractive is what others see as beautiful.Its amazing how we let our insecurities shiled us from seeing how beautiful we are. I recently read an article about what men surprisingly love about us and I quite frankly was surprised by some of the things men loved. Either way its okay to acknowledge and realise you have flaws but dont let it prevent you from letting others see your beauty!
Few updates, I just celebrated a birthday! 30 is fast approaching and though I am actually looking forward to it, I can't help but wonder sometimes if I am ready? There is so much I thought I would have accomplished by my 30th birthday and though I have a little bit of time to accomplish those goals, I do feel the pressure to make it happen fast! It's not like I am not trying but its tough times...Its funny how we all have all these goals and dreams and deadlines we set for ourselves and then just like that, a twist in life happens and your goals and dreams are put on hold or maybe they change, it all depends on your circumstances and your state of mind at the time. I am not going to let it slow me down and stop me from achieving them but this time I am allowing God to lead the way and I will follow.
Okay so unto what my blog is about. I am sure from previous blogs, most of you have realised by now that I used to and sometimes still do have a poor image of my self. Its been a fighting process and its taking a lot of work to actually get my mind in that place where I can see myself and love every little bit of me. Of course there are some parts of me I love more than others and there are parts of me that I completely hate but I try not to let it get me down or stop me from loving the rest of me. Either way its an uphill battle I plan to fight and I pray that with time i will win this battle.
Anyway, I have recently had some more free time than I have wanted and if there is anything that I am afraid of is to have all this free time and use it to sit back and get fat. Not that being big is a bad thing but if you have been battling your weight like I have all my life then you know that weight is not my favourite thing. Anyway, so I have been hitting the gym extra hard and personallY i havent seen any results but I a few people have said they see a difference. So this afternoon, I decided to treat myself to a mani and pedi. Hey just cus money is not coming in doesnt mean I cant still look good...after all it is summer time and hammer toes is definitely not a good look. Anyways I board the bus on my way home and this older black lady gets on the bus. I see her staring at me...not necessarily smiling but not screw face either. I ignore her and keep on listening to my music minding my business. As this lady disembarks the bus at the station she taps me, I lean in and she says..." You have a super figure" Trust me that was the nicest and biggest compliment I have heard in a long time if not ever! I was immediately overjoyed!
I guess the purpose of my post is basically to say this. What you may think is unattractive is what others see as beautiful.Its amazing how we let our insecurities shiled us from seeing how beautiful we are. I recently read an article about what men surprisingly love about us and I quite frankly was surprised by some of the things men loved. Either way its okay to acknowledge and realise you have flaws but dont let it prevent you from letting others see your beauty!
Friday, July 2, 2010
The Hope of Africa
As Ghana run at the world cup comes to a very sad end, many Ghanaians and Africans are dishearted! We saw this small country off the West coast of Africa keeping the African flame alive with our quick foot work and amazing goalie take us to the quarter finals. A feat that has not happened for Africa for many decades. Although disappointed that we will not continue on into the semi finals, we must realise what this amazing team has done not just for us Ghanaians but to Africa. They have managed to unite a continent with so much differences and dsyfunction.
We the African people have realised that United we will stand and that no one can break our unity. For once there was no such thing as black Africans or white african, for once we were africans! Supporting and cheering each other on in a country that has faced so much upset and division between races...South Africa. The South African people flew only our flag in their country to show their support to the only African country to keep our african flame and pride alive.
As disappointing as this loss may be as many tears we may shed, let us remember that the Ghana Black stars have done what many countries could not do! Keep the black hope of Africa alive!
Ayeekooooo Black stars!! Yei kyiwamu! Oseeee Yei Ghana! The hope of Africa!!
We the African people have realised that United we will stand and that no one can break our unity. For once there was no such thing as black Africans or white african, for once we were africans! Supporting and cheering each other on in a country that has faced so much upset and division between races...South Africa. The South African people flew only our flag in their country to show their support to the only African country to keep our african flame and pride alive.
As disappointing as this loss may be as many tears we may shed, let us remember that the Ghana Black stars have done what many countries could not do! Keep the black hope of Africa alive!
Ayeekooooo Black stars!! Yei kyiwamu! Oseeee Yei Ghana! The hope of Africa!!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Doctors...Lawyers...Is that all I can be????
I graduated University 5 years ago. I came out believe I could take on the world. I had my 5 year plan. I honestly believed that I would have a house, a car, a nice decent job, possibly a boyfriend or a kid who knows by the time I hit 30. I was optimistic. After all why wouldnt I be? It was hammered in my head since I was a kid that if I went to school and got an education I would be rewarded with a good job and lots of money. Now the day had come, the big job, and the lots of money were on its way and I was anxiously and patiently waiting for that day. 5 years later, present day, I am still waiting for that big job and lots of money. In fact, i am waiting for that job period!
Where is that promise of getting an education will guarantee me that good job that my parents kept raving about for years on end. 5 years later, my situation is probably a lot worse than it was the day I graduated high school. The only difference is, I have a piece of paper...actually 2 that tells people that I have that education they require but it doesnt seem to convince them enough to actually give me that big job my parents kept talking about.
I can't help but wonder, was that an empty promise? Was that societies big april fools joke I just recently found out about? Now I can't help but wonder those without this fancy college education, are they better off than me with all the degrees they claim was necessary to move forward in life with?
Kanye has a song, it slips my mind but it goes along the lines that this man has all these papers to prove he has an education yet he never got anything out of it, now he is dead and he is going to be buried with all these papers but he didnt have a life that left anything behind to be proud of.
My other issue right now is, it seems like to be someone you must have the traditional careers, You must be a doctor, a lawyer, an accountant something that your parents will be proud to brag about. it makes me wonder, my desire to make my parents proud, has that actually restricted me in being who I wanted to be? Would I have had more success if I actually listened and followed my childhood desires than the desires and dreams my parents had for me. Why do some parents believe that the only way to be successful means you must have a traditional profession. Something everyone will be proud about.
Dont get me wrong, if its your dream to be a doctor, a lawyer, a dentist then definitely go for it, but for those of us who may take different paths, does it make us any less ambitious or even less capable of being someone because we choose to go a different path?
Why can't we be and follow our passions without being judged? Why can't we go for what we want without someone making us feel inadequate? Why can't I be a singer, a model an artist, a shoe cobbler without fearing disappointing my family and my friends because my job is not impressive enough, The Kanyes, the Jay'z, the Monique's and the lot who actually followed their hearts and left school to be who they are, Are they actually the smarter ones??
Thoughts.
Where is that promise of getting an education will guarantee me that good job that my parents kept raving about for years on end. 5 years later, my situation is probably a lot worse than it was the day I graduated high school. The only difference is, I have a piece of paper...actually 2 that tells people that I have that education they require but it doesnt seem to convince them enough to actually give me that big job my parents kept talking about.
I can't help but wonder, was that an empty promise? Was that societies big april fools joke I just recently found out about? Now I can't help but wonder those without this fancy college education, are they better off than me with all the degrees they claim was necessary to move forward in life with?
Kanye has a song, it slips my mind but it goes along the lines that this man has all these papers to prove he has an education yet he never got anything out of it, now he is dead and he is going to be buried with all these papers but he didnt have a life that left anything behind to be proud of.
My other issue right now is, it seems like to be someone you must have the traditional careers, You must be a doctor, a lawyer, an accountant something that your parents will be proud to brag about. it makes me wonder, my desire to make my parents proud, has that actually restricted me in being who I wanted to be? Would I have had more success if I actually listened and followed my childhood desires than the desires and dreams my parents had for me. Why do some parents believe that the only way to be successful means you must have a traditional profession. Something everyone will be proud about.
Dont get me wrong, if its your dream to be a doctor, a lawyer, a dentist then definitely go for it, but for those of us who may take different paths, does it make us any less ambitious or even less capable of being someone because we choose to go a different path?
Why can't we be and follow our passions without being judged? Why can't we go for what we want without someone making us feel inadequate? Why can't I be a singer, a model an artist, a shoe cobbler without fearing disappointing my family and my friends because my job is not impressive enough, The Kanyes, the Jay'z, the Monique's and the lot who actually followed their hearts and left school to be who they are, Are they actually the smarter ones??
Thoughts.
Everyone's best friend
This past weekend, I had a very interesting conversation with one of my really good male friends. I love him to death, and his opinion does matter to me. Anyway the conversation we had has had me thinking about it over and over again and I am curious to see what other people think on this topic.
Long story short, We were having a discussion as to whether we were both the marrying type. Of course we both agreed that the other person was the marrying type but he said something to me that had me thinking. He said to me, He thought I was perfect and I would make a great wife but I am not the one for him. I wasnt hurt by his statement. Not a little bit. He is a great person and I do love him dearly but we do have a very deep friendship, a friendship that is borderline family so yes of course him telling me I am not the one for him was no shocker. However, what has me thinking is? Is this the common theme now? When people of the opposite sex become really good friends, it sort of kills the potential of them seeing each other as anything more.
I like to think of myself as everyones home girl. It seems like men can relate to me, like they can relate to their boys. Often times they forget that I am female and I often get the " you are one of the boys" statement. Of course I find that hard to believe because if you have seen me before you know that my "assets" will definitely remind you that I am a woman but I guess the way I relate to men, I make them comfortable to be who they are. They are able to share with me and speak to me about anything and everything without feeling like they have to be on their best behaviour or they have to censor themselves. However, has my easy going "one of the boys" demeanor ruined my chances of being with a good man? Do I have to become that girlie girl to be considered the potential wifey? Or do I continue in my "down to earth, you can be yourself around me" mode to potentially lead me to meeting that man?
If any of you have watched the movie "Just Wright" Queen Latifah's character reminded me a lot about myself. I am the girl who happens to be walking in with the attention stopper girlfriend, and i am the girl the men will come to me to try to hook them up with my girlfriend. I become the best buddy they can turn to when all is not well but I am not the girl they want to spend their time with in a romantic sense. Most times it takes them getting to know me before they notice me. It doesnt bother me really but sometimes I wonder if I am hurting myself and turning the potentials away or do I continue down on this path and hopefully that great person will notice me for me and love me for me in both the romantic and friendship sense.
Your thoughts...?
Long story short, We were having a discussion as to whether we were both the marrying type. Of course we both agreed that the other person was the marrying type but he said something to me that had me thinking. He said to me, He thought I was perfect and I would make a great wife but I am not the one for him. I wasnt hurt by his statement. Not a little bit. He is a great person and I do love him dearly but we do have a very deep friendship, a friendship that is borderline family so yes of course him telling me I am not the one for him was no shocker. However, what has me thinking is? Is this the common theme now? When people of the opposite sex become really good friends, it sort of kills the potential of them seeing each other as anything more.
I like to think of myself as everyones home girl. It seems like men can relate to me, like they can relate to their boys. Often times they forget that I am female and I often get the " you are one of the boys" statement. Of course I find that hard to believe because if you have seen me before you know that my "assets" will definitely remind you that I am a woman but I guess the way I relate to men, I make them comfortable to be who they are. They are able to share with me and speak to me about anything and everything without feeling like they have to be on their best behaviour or they have to censor themselves. However, has my easy going "one of the boys" demeanor ruined my chances of being with a good man? Do I have to become that girlie girl to be considered the potential wifey? Or do I continue in my "down to earth, you can be yourself around me" mode to potentially lead me to meeting that man?
If any of you have watched the movie "Just Wright" Queen Latifah's character reminded me a lot about myself. I am the girl who happens to be walking in with the attention stopper girlfriend, and i am the girl the men will come to me to try to hook them up with my girlfriend. I become the best buddy they can turn to when all is not well but I am not the girl they want to spend their time with in a romantic sense. Most times it takes them getting to know me before they notice me. It doesnt bother me really but sometimes I wonder if I am hurting myself and turning the potentials away or do I continue down on this path and hopefully that great person will notice me for me and love me for me in both the romantic and friendship sense.
Your thoughts...?
Monday, June 21, 2010
Are black women really that bad?
I have been trying to avoid touching on this subject because I believe its the most talked about subject in todays world and quite frankly I am sick and tired of hearing or speaking about it, However, each day, this subject is brought up again and I really think its time I shared my opinion on this matter once and for all.
For those of you who know me, I am a black woman and for those fo you who dont, well now you know. Yes my ancestry is African and like most African women I have been highly influenced by the African heritage I come from. There are many things about my heritage that define me. Also my mother is African and she has done a lot to define who I am as well but that being said and done, I was also born in North America and lived and continue to live here so there are many things about this society that defines me. Anyone who is a black woman in North America understands that we have many hurdles to jump and each day a hurdle jumped is an achievement however, the race is far from over so the number of hurdles we have yet to jump are too many to count, yet many of us do not let the race slow us down because we know that winning is what matters.
Now to my topic, It seems like more now than ever, this whole topic of black men dating outside their race and their issues with black women has become more and more prevelant today than ever before. Statistics show that many of the marriages that involved black men, 22% were with a non black women. Statistic also shows that 47.5% of black women in North America may never make it down the aisle. Well there are several reasons for this, 1. There are more black men in jail than there are out so if black women choose to stay loyal to black men then chances are fewer black women will find long term committement. Secondly and this is probably the most debateble reason there is today, Black men find black women intimidating. We are too strong, we are too independent, our expectations of black men are unrealistic and we demand too much from our black men or in simple terms we are bitches so a lot of black men dont want to have anything to do with us. Okay, well if thats your reason, then all I can say is meet every single black woman on this face of the earth and then come back and make that statement as long as you can prove to me that every single black woman you came accross was the exact same way.
Before I go any further, let me say this and make this clear. I personally do not have any issues with interracial relationships. My great grandfather was a white scotsman and if you know my family, you could probably say we have an equal number of non black people as we have black people. Thus coming from a very multicultural background who am I to say I have a problem with interracial relationships. My issue is, if you choose to date or marry outside your race, you have no right, to sit back and degrade your own race because of that. Granted your reason for dating outside your race is your reason and your reason alone, However, if you have an issue with black women, then you obviously have your own issues.
Okay so the common reasons why some black men have stated why they choose to date outside their race is because, they believe black women are too strong, too independent, we are dont want to cook and clean, we expect our men to work all day yet we wont have a hot cooked meal ready for him, we pretty much do not serve, worship and obey our men. First and foremost, let me make this clear, I do not worship serve and obey anyone but my Father above.If you have a problem with that then lets keep it moving. Secondly, I like to believe that all my strong, independent, well educated female friends that I currently have, are not just black women, but white, asian, latino, green red, yellow, you name it I got it and they share my exact same opinion. Yes our approach to men may be slightly different but all in all, none of us believe we are slaves and servants to our men(or soon to be men) We strongly believe that a relationship is a partnership, granted you may not have all the traits that I possesses and vice versa, but we know our weaknesses and our strengths, so where you are lacking I make up for it and vice versa. Therefore, if you cant cook, well then you clean and I cook or whatever else.
Also I strongly believe, a woman, black or white who becomes subservient to her man has self esteem issues. A woman who is accepting of a mediocre man, someone who does the bare minimum for survival has no ambition, no drive, no passion to be a better person than they are clearly has her own issues. Now I am not going to sit back and say because I have a masters degree, you must have a masters degree, or that if I make six figures you must make 7. NO thats not the case at all. I believe, that as a black woman living in North america, in this world, if I have managed to achieve so much and I continue to strive to achieve more than you have no excuse. Yes you might be a truck driver and i may be a high powered ceo. We might not be on equal footing professionally, but i am not going to walk by you because of what you have professionally, but I'll tell you what will make me keep walking, is knowing you are okay with where you are at and have drive to be better. Some people are okay with being mediocre and thats fine and fair, but for me, I believe if you have the potential to be better and I am not talking financially because you can have all the money in the world and it can go tomorrow, but my belief is if you know you can do better and you dont try to do better while I am trying to do beter then how can we be together? I like to think my white sisters, asian sisters and latino sisters feel exactly the same way as I do on this topic.
Personally I feel a man who expects his wife/fiance/girlfriend to be anything less than the best is insecure and lazy. A man who doesnt want a woman to push him to be better is obviously not driven and ambitious. Yes I will admit that some of our women are a bit too strong in their approach and sometimes their form of encouragement might be a bit to harsh and degrading but if a man can honestly open his mouth and say he finds a woman intimidating then quite frankly I believe you are not man enough. No man should find a woman intimidating if he realises you are only expecting him to be the best that he is.
I use this analogy, any woman, black or white, if they have a child, who is not doing their best in school and they are really not working hard to make the grades in school, is not going to sit back and say "you know what, its okay that you are not making good grades, its okay that you are failing school, just as long as you are in school I am okay with that" Find me a woman who has said that then honestly i believe she is not a good mother. A good mother will see their child is slacking off in school, goofing around, not doing their best and will demand that they sit up and work hard, they might enroll them in tutoring sessions, they will ground them, they might do whatever they need to do to get their child to improve in school until they see their child excell. Now the same way a good woman will see her man and see he has potential and will push and encourage him to do better...granted each womans approach will be different but a good woman will do that.
Now tell me, why ar eblack women always put on blast, well a friend of mine put it simply, because black men are soo quick to call a black woman out on what she does, You never hear a white man going off about white women, an asian man about asian women or a latino man about latino women. Not to say each woman in each race doesnt have their issues but they love their women good or bad and are accepting of them. I can tell you this, you can find any kind of woman in any race, so for a black man to put a black woman in one category and assume every black woman is the same way, then that shows your lack of education because just like you will find a head strong, independent black woman you will find the same in a white woman an asian women and a latino woman... A strong independent good man will see a woman and what she has and appreciate it regardless of her race. Personally i think when a man dates a non black women because of the colour of her skin, If i was that woman I would be worried because it goes to show, he doesnt love all of me but part of men.
Thats my two cents and thats all I am going to say on this topic. Feedback is necessary and this is my opinion.
For those of you who know me, I am a black woman and for those fo you who dont, well now you know. Yes my ancestry is African and like most African women I have been highly influenced by the African heritage I come from. There are many things about my heritage that define me. Also my mother is African and she has done a lot to define who I am as well but that being said and done, I was also born in North America and lived and continue to live here so there are many things about this society that defines me. Anyone who is a black woman in North America understands that we have many hurdles to jump and each day a hurdle jumped is an achievement however, the race is far from over so the number of hurdles we have yet to jump are too many to count, yet many of us do not let the race slow us down because we know that winning is what matters.
Now to my topic, It seems like more now than ever, this whole topic of black men dating outside their race and their issues with black women has become more and more prevelant today than ever before. Statistics show that many of the marriages that involved black men, 22% were with a non black women. Statistic also shows that 47.5% of black women in North America may never make it down the aisle. Well there are several reasons for this, 1. There are more black men in jail than there are out so if black women choose to stay loyal to black men then chances are fewer black women will find long term committement. Secondly and this is probably the most debateble reason there is today, Black men find black women intimidating. We are too strong, we are too independent, our expectations of black men are unrealistic and we demand too much from our black men or in simple terms we are bitches so a lot of black men dont want to have anything to do with us. Okay, well if thats your reason, then all I can say is meet every single black woman on this face of the earth and then come back and make that statement as long as you can prove to me that every single black woman you came accross was the exact same way.
Before I go any further, let me say this and make this clear. I personally do not have any issues with interracial relationships. My great grandfather was a white scotsman and if you know my family, you could probably say we have an equal number of non black people as we have black people. Thus coming from a very multicultural background who am I to say I have a problem with interracial relationships. My issue is, if you choose to date or marry outside your race, you have no right, to sit back and degrade your own race because of that. Granted your reason for dating outside your race is your reason and your reason alone, However, if you have an issue with black women, then you obviously have your own issues.
Okay so the common reasons why some black men have stated why they choose to date outside their race is because, they believe black women are too strong, too independent, we are dont want to cook and clean, we expect our men to work all day yet we wont have a hot cooked meal ready for him, we pretty much do not serve, worship and obey our men. First and foremost, let me make this clear, I do not worship serve and obey anyone but my Father above.If you have a problem with that then lets keep it moving. Secondly, I like to believe that all my strong, independent, well educated female friends that I currently have, are not just black women, but white, asian, latino, green red, yellow, you name it I got it and they share my exact same opinion. Yes our approach to men may be slightly different but all in all, none of us believe we are slaves and servants to our men(or soon to be men) We strongly believe that a relationship is a partnership, granted you may not have all the traits that I possesses and vice versa, but we know our weaknesses and our strengths, so where you are lacking I make up for it and vice versa. Therefore, if you cant cook, well then you clean and I cook or whatever else.
Also I strongly believe, a woman, black or white who becomes subservient to her man has self esteem issues. A woman who is accepting of a mediocre man, someone who does the bare minimum for survival has no ambition, no drive, no passion to be a better person than they are clearly has her own issues. Now I am not going to sit back and say because I have a masters degree, you must have a masters degree, or that if I make six figures you must make 7. NO thats not the case at all. I believe, that as a black woman living in North america, in this world, if I have managed to achieve so much and I continue to strive to achieve more than you have no excuse. Yes you might be a truck driver and i may be a high powered ceo. We might not be on equal footing professionally, but i am not going to walk by you because of what you have professionally, but I'll tell you what will make me keep walking, is knowing you are okay with where you are at and have drive to be better. Some people are okay with being mediocre and thats fine and fair, but for me, I believe if you have the potential to be better and I am not talking financially because you can have all the money in the world and it can go tomorrow, but my belief is if you know you can do better and you dont try to do better while I am trying to do beter then how can we be together? I like to think my white sisters, asian sisters and latino sisters feel exactly the same way as I do on this topic.
Personally I feel a man who expects his wife/fiance/girlfriend to be anything less than the best is insecure and lazy. A man who doesnt want a woman to push him to be better is obviously not driven and ambitious. Yes I will admit that some of our women are a bit too strong in their approach and sometimes their form of encouragement might be a bit to harsh and degrading but if a man can honestly open his mouth and say he finds a woman intimidating then quite frankly I believe you are not man enough. No man should find a woman intimidating if he realises you are only expecting him to be the best that he is.
I use this analogy, any woman, black or white, if they have a child, who is not doing their best in school and they are really not working hard to make the grades in school, is not going to sit back and say "you know what, its okay that you are not making good grades, its okay that you are failing school, just as long as you are in school I am okay with that" Find me a woman who has said that then honestly i believe she is not a good mother. A good mother will see their child is slacking off in school, goofing around, not doing their best and will demand that they sit up and work hard, they might enroll them in tutoring sessions, they will ground them, they might do whatever they need to do to get their child to improve in school until they see their child excell. Now the same way a good woman will see her man and see he has potential and will push and encourage him to do better...granted each womans approach will be different but a good woman will do that.
Now tell me, why ar eblack women always put on blast, well a friend of mine put it simply, because black men are soo quick to call a black woman out on what she does, You never hear a white man going off about white women, an asian man about asian women or a latino man about latino women. Not to say each woman in each race doesnt have their issues but they love their women good or bad and are accepting of them. I can tell you this, you can find any kind of woman in any race, so for a black man to put a black woman in one category and assume every black woman is the same way, then that shows your lack of education because just like you will find a head strong, independent black woman you will find the same in a white woman an asian women and a latino woman... A strong independent good man will see a woman and what she has and appreciate it regardless of her race. Personally i think when a man dates a non black women because of the colour of her skin, If i was that woman I would be worried because it goes to show, he doesnt love all of me but part of men.
Thats my two cents and thats all I am going to say on this topic. Feedback is necessary and this is my opinion.
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