All rounded

In life, when we start building relationships and friendships you usually start out with an endless amount of people in your life. As you grow older and wiser you realise that the endless amount of people you have in your life gradually become countable to a point where you might actually be able to count the "all rounded" people on one hand. You might view this as a good or bad thing depending on who you are and how you view life but I'll break it down to you in a few and you can decide for yourself if this is a good or bad thing.

I used to be that person who considered everyone a good friend. I dont know how many countless arguments I had with my mom about this topic where she always said "You and your everyone is my friend mentality" At that time I used to find her statement annoying and I would always say she didnt know what she was talking about but the older I got, the more I understood why she would be upset with me thinking everyone was a good friend when really they werent.

Now dont get me wrong. In no shape or form would I say any of these people who used to be in my life are bad people. Nor would I say they were bad for me because I like to believe I am a good judge of character so anyone who was in my life at some point in time was a good person. I just believe that as I grew older and as they did as well, we realised that our relationship was not destined to last through the time and we just drifted apart. I am sure this is not unusual to anyone. It happens, your relationships change, you have different goals in life, you move away and you just lose touch. I am pretty sure you might run into each other at some point in your life, share pleasantries reminsicing on old times, walk away smiling but wont for a second regret them no longer being in your life. In fact you might thank God they came into your life for the period of time they were in and keep it moving.

I am sure you have all heard that analogy about the leaves, branches, roots or the seasons kind of friendship and its all true, however I want to branch off a little bit and say something completely different. You may have heard it before so it wont be completely brand new to you but for those of you who havent, pay attention.

Just because you will go out of your way for a friend, doesnt necessarily mean they will do the same for you. I believe thats why its written in the bible that when you give, give whole heartedly with no expectations of getting anything in return because you might never get anything in return but the feeling that you did something great for someone. Like they always say your reward is in heaven and I truly believe that. I say this because most of us go out of our way to help a friend but when the tables are turned and they don't do the same for us we become extremely upset and want to make them feel guilty for not reciprocating the favour. Seriously though, why should they? Unless you signed some piece of paper saying that if I do this for you, you have to do the same for me when I need you to they owe you absolutely nothing. Of course ethically and morally it seems like the right thing to do but really why should they?

I like to say to people all the time that you should know who you are friends are and what you can depend on them for. You might have a friend that you know that if you needed financial assistance they will be the first to write you a check. Yet, if you need a place to stay for awhile they will be the last person to offer you a place. There are some people that you know that if you have some good news to share they will be the first to run to the mountains to celebrate your good news with you. However if you need their opinion on a pressing matter they will be the first person to discourage you from doing it. There are also people in your life that you know no matter what your problem is they will be there to support you no matter what. They are the ones I call the all rounded friends. Your all rounded friends are usually very few...at times they may be just one person and if you are lucky to be blessed with an all rounded friend thank your stars and keep them close.

By no means shape of form does it mean the other people in your life who are not all rounded are bad because believe it or not, you are not everyones all rounded friend. Just like you cant help everyone who comes your way, is the same way they cant do the same for you.

All I am saying is, dont get upset with anyone who cant come through for you when you need them. You obviously do not know why they can't be your all rounded friend. It doesnt mean that when the tables are turned and they need you, you also hold back. Just know what purpose they serve in your life and keep it moving. Whatever the case is, they are in your life for a reason so thank God for their purpose in your life and keep it moving because like I said you are not everyones all rounded freind as well.

Wide Open

My cousin and I spent a good amount of time talking about this subject yesterday and I felt that it was important that I talk about this topic since I feel its something I am trying in my life right now.

I like to believe that I am pretty open minded. Open minded on many topics, Homosexuality and Lesbianism, The death penalty, abortion, racism and what say you. That being said though I really wondered how open minded I was about my own life and the possibilities that are out there for me. Its soo easy to get up and say I believe that anyone should have the right to be married to whoever they want to be married to. Whether it be two men getting married or two women but in all honesty when it boils down to it, I have/had a long list of requirements I had when it came down to who I had to be involved with. I am pretty open minded about where I could go on holiday but when it boils down to it, I was very specific on where I needed to live and work. I am not saying it makes me a hypocrite because being open minded doesnt mean you cant have requirements but I think it made me very restrictive and it put me in a more difficult situation than I would have been if I had allowed myself to open up and explore the possibilities.

I realised that as a young woman with no responsibilities to anyone but myself, I realy have no reason to be closed minded on anything. I have no reason to prevent myself from going anywhere or dating anyone. Of course doesnt mean that any tom dick and harry that walks my way will get a chance with me. However I noticed that I was soo restrictive in terms of who I could date, Who they should be, where they had to come from, how they looked and quite frankly I havent had much success with my restrictions. Yet I look around and I look at people who have allowed themselves to open up and not let themselves be too restricted by their requirements are those who are happily involved and even when things didnt work out the way they had hoped, they brushed their shoulders off and moved on.

Its soo amazing because the minute I started to allow myself to be open minded about anything this year it has been so very freeing. I realised I am stressing less because I always have a plan b, c, d and even e lined up. I also realised that so far I have been pleasantly surprised.

So this year I told myself. I am going to be open minded. I am going to allow myself to see how far I can go. If an opportunity presents itself somewhere across the world, I'll give it a shot. I have nothing to lose. At the end of the day if I give it a shot and I dont like it, I have nothing stopping me from coming back home. I am going to also allow myself to see what the possibilities can be with anyone I see myself getting along well with. He might not fit the total description of my "perfect" mate but at the same time who is to say he is not my "perfect" mate.


I think our biggest hesitancy about being open minded is the fear of the unknown. The fear that being open minded sets us up for more disappointment and heart break. At least when you are close minded you can almost predict the outcome yet being open minded means everything you think you know might be wrong and in that respect you might have to change your way of viewing the world. Had America not been open minded about voting in a Black President we would never had been given the chance to see how great President Barack could be.

I think its important that we all give ourselves a chance this year to explore the possibilities. Step out of your comfort zone and see where life can take you. If it doesnt even work out the way you hoped it will, Just brush your shoulders off and keep it moving. If anything at all, You gave yourself to experience something new.

Age aint nothing but a number

I really wanted to think of a title that wouldnt give away my topic so easily but its pretty early and I've been up since 6am so I got nothing. This topic was suggested to me by a friend and a few years ago if I had been asked to write on this topic, I probably would have approached this topic differently and more negatively but age and experience has definitely taught me differently.

For most men dating a younger woman almost seems natural. In most cases you find that the man is older than his female partner. Whether its a couple of months to a couple of years to as much as 20 years and although a few people may have a few negative things to say about a man who dates a woman who is significantly younger than him its more acceptable. However a new phenomenon seems to be arising in our society...maybe not a new phenomenon but more socially accepting than it was a few years ago. A woman dating a younger man. I dont know why there was much resistance about it. I dont know if it has to deal with the fact that a woman births a child so to date someone who could pratically be your child would play into the whole oedipus complex or could it be the fact that a man is the head of the house hold so to have a man who pretty much should be taking orders from a woman who is older than him is just too weird... I dont know. It would be ignorant or naive of me to say Demi and Ashton were the reasons why it has become more socially acceptable to date younger men but i will say this much that since Demi and Ashton got married we are hearing a lot more "couger" relationships.

So why am I writing on this topic? Simple, why should we really use age as a factor to date someone. I mean really as long as both parties are legal and they are happy then who cares that one person is older than the other? I mean I know some men who are significantly younger than me and though I wouldnt date them, they have their shit together than men who are older and supposedly more mature than me. Which leads me to my next point. Maturity.

Personally I dont think maturity has anything to do with your chronological age. There maybe people who are 50 years old but their maturity level is that of a 25 year old and there are others who might be 25 but have the maturity level of a 50 year old. So really as a woman, if you are 10 years older than the guy and he is on the same maturity level as you then really why should it matter that he is younger than you. I mean yes sometimes there are some factors that you need to consider which is if you could still have kids with him, are at a place where marriage is no longer an option for you yet he is ready to play house? I mean those count but really should the age be a reason why you should or shouldnt pursue him.

I have a friend and she is currently dating someone younger than her. Not significantly younger, just a couple of years and initially she had a problem with the age but as she got to know him she realised that this guy was a great guy... he had a good job, he was a good man all around, attentive, sensitive, caring, very loving and pretty much everything she could hope for in a man. So in a situation like this does age really matter or is the connection that really matters.

I read a really interesting quote the other day and it says "you cant stop love because it doesnt come wrapped in the package you are most accostumed to" So instead of us focusing too much on the age, its probably best we focus on really what makes this guy so amazing.

As a friend shared with me the other day " focus on the one reason why it will work and not the many reasons why it wont" because if there is one reason why it will work then who cares about the other reasons because as long as there is one reason to make it work then you will be more inclined to find more reasons to make it work.

I am no way shape or form promoting younger men but I am just saying instead of focusing on his age focus on why you would want to be with him and make it happen.

Red!

I am finall back from vacation. I'll be lying if I say I am glad to be back but I am glad to finally take action of my life and let great things happen in my life. This year the only thing stopping me from reaching for the skies is if God's plan for me is to reach for the sun. Either way I am ready and eager to get this show on the road so I can finally get to where I need and want to be.

My trip was interesting to say the least. Had quite a few travelling issues but that topic deserves a blog of its on because right now I am not impressed with Delta, British Airways or KLM. Either way I'll just say I am glad I got to my destination safe and sound and in one piece and back here safe and sound and in one piece.

There is so much I want to share with you all but I will need to gather my thoughts and really think of what I believe is worth sharing. Some things I would rather keep personal and between the parties involved and other things I believe is okay to be put out there. Either way I did have a wonderful time and I realised that no matter what, Going home is always great! Being around family and friends was wonderful and It really has me thinking about how important family and friends are in my life.

One thing I do want to share and this actually was suggested by one of my friends is something I had been wanting to do for so long and I finally threw caution to the wind and just did it without thinking too much of the outcome or the possible consequences. I will say this though, It was the best decision I have made in a long time and as you read, you will know what I am talking about.

For those of you who know me, I have been natural for over 5 years now...probably longer. I decided to stop using any chemicals in my hair quite a number of years ago when I realised my hair was so unhealthy and I was always dreading getting a touch up because the relaxing cream would burn my scalp and the pain was soo unbearable I would cry. A friend of mine suggested to me that I stop relaxing my hair for a period of time to really allow my hair to grow and hopefully when I see my hair re-gain its strength and luster I can go back to relaxing. Well to say the least I never went back and as I type this I really dont see myself going back to chemicals. I would say never but who knows how I would feel 5 years, 10 years or even a day from now but as of now I am staying natural and I am not going back.

Anyway, for those of you who are natural you will realise that it can get very boring especially if you are not creative with your hair as some natural divas are. That boredom can actually have you thinking of going back to your relaxer days and if you dont have enough will power you might do that. Anyway, one thing I did realise while I was away was how many women in Ghana have gone natural. For a nation where hair salons can litterally be found on every corner and anyone who knows a black woman knows that we do not play with our hair. So to see women with such beautiful long natural hair was soo beautiful and empowering and to me it meant that many black women are beginning to embrace their God given hair and they do not need to change it to suit anyone but themselves. I also noticed that a lot of women were dreading their hair! I thought it was soo beautiful that a culture who frowned upon dreads because they associated it to mean the person was on drugs or lived a care free lifestyle with no ambition is now embracing such a beautiful hair style and realises that we are definitely not our hair and that even dreds can be beautiful. Personally if i could stick to one thing for a long time and not get bored I would dread my hair as well but I love the versitility of my hair and the fact that one day i can wear it in a huge afro or I can braid it up, or straighten it with a flat iron so to dread my hair I know I would be bored with it and wish I could have my afro back.

The decision I made that I dont regret was to dye my hair! It wasnt a spontaneous decision of course because I had been thinking about it for a couple of months but the minute I got to Ghana I walked straight into a hair salon wearing my sisters clothes(my luggage hadnt arrived yet) and I told the hair dresser which hair color I was thinking about and before I could object she had put the colour in and here I was an hour later walking away with red hair! At first when she put it in I almost told her to wash it out because I wasnt ready for it, but after sitting there for the color to set and her washing it out all I could think was "what did I just do??" As she blew out my hair I realised that wow! this is amazing plus all the compliments I got from the other stylist reassured me that I had made the best decision ever. The moment of truth was going home and showing it to my mother. Of course I thought she was going to freak out and tell me to go back and dye it black but she couldnt get enough of it! She loved it and just like she loved it, every single person who saw me with my colour loved it too!! Finally I knew I had done something that was right for a change.

Dying my hair was the most liberating, sexiest thing I had done in a very long time. It made me feel soo confident and beautiful. It change the way I walked, the way I looked at myself, how I presented myself to people and I like to think that the men who knew me or met me were not complaining either. It amazed me how much hair can make a woman feel soo sexy and beautiful and at the same time make you feel soo ugly. We are not our hair I strongly believe but I do think it plays a part in how we feel about ourselves and how we present ourselves to others.

I am loving who I am now and although building confidence shouldnt be based on what colour my hair is, I'll definitely say its a good way to start.

Happy New Year!

A very Happy New Year to everyone! Yes I am back to blogging in full force and I believe that this will be an exciting year so I am pretty sure that I will be sharing a lot more. However, I am still on vacation and I am not due back home for a few more days but I have had quite a bit on my mind and I figured I'll put something down before I forget what I have been thinking about.

Last year was fairly interesting, I like to believe I discovered a lot about my self I was either blind to or I wasnt exactly sure that part of me existed. I learnt a lot for sure. It gave me a chance to really figure out what I wanted out of life and also gave me the opportunity to better understand who I was and how my experiences has shaped who I was. This year on the other hand I plan to make it my best year yet! I plan to take control of my life(although God will be my gps) and just not let anything or anyone stop me from going after what I want. I am going to list a few things I plan to achieve this year and as the year goes by, I'll make sure to keep everyone updated on my progress.

1. As I stated earlier, I plan to take charge. I am going to not let life and people influence the decisions I make. If there is something I want, I'll go for it.
2.Allow myself to be open minded. Open minded with job opportunities, love, friendships and just people in general. I consider myself pretty open minded but I do know that to some extent my naivete or should I say my ignorance has prevented me from opening myself up to possibilities and the one time I did that this year...(I know we are only a couple of weeks in but I have already experienced quite a bit)...I was pleasantly surprised.
3. I plan to run a 26 mile marathon. It will be closer to the end of the year for sure but that's my goal for the year so upon returning from my trip I plan to hit the gym extra hard than i did last year and make sure that by the end of the year I would have ran the marathon.
4. Be more aggressive. this probably goes hand in hand with point number one but this time around my aggression is more in relation to love than it is to life. Not to say I wont be aggressive with professional opportunities but I am tired of sitting back and waiting for sparks to start flying in my life. As my younger cousin adviced me last night, If I find someone I am interested in, go for it. Dont make excuses as to why I shouldnt try to pursue the person. Of course I dont plan to be the man in the chase but whats stopping me from also making the first moves and seeing what can happen from that. That being said, if I find its one sided instead of hanging around waiting for actions to be reciprocated, I plan to walk away and not look back. which leads me to my next point.
5. Know my worth. I need to stop putting people on pedestals and making them seem better than me. I need to learn that I am worthy too and that no one is above me or beneath me. I have so much to offer and I need to stop selling my self short and going around like everyone is better than I am. Yes I may not have achieved all i want out of life but I still have so much to give and I am not exactly giving up on my plans.
6. Learn to accept my fate and make the best out of it. Not to say I am going to resign myself to believe that my circumstances is or are what they are but rather look at my circumstances and my situation and trying to make it work for me. As the saying goes when life hands you lemons make lemonade...and sell. So just because I might not have a job, or I might not be in a relationship or I might not be a size 6 doesnt mean I cant look at my job situation and use this opportunity to take a course, or find a different career path for the mean time, or my lack of relationship doesnt mean i have to stay home on a saturday night and wallow in my misery but instead get myself out there, attend a poetry night, volunteer more, go speed dating...whatever or if I am not ever going to be a size 6 then just work on being a healthier heavier me,embrace my curves and just find what works for me while still maintaining my healthy life style.
7. Learn to complain less and listen more. I know i am a huge whiner, I whine about almost everything but last year I tried this whole positive outlook and thinking kinda lifestyle and it worked for me...yes i will admit when things went bad I would fret and go off for a bit but this year I plan to look at the situation, give thanks to God that its not as bad as it can be and immediately find a solution to it. Listen more, give myself a chance for others to speak and really hear what they have to say.

Although i could probably go on and on and on this blog, I am going to stop for now and pretty much pick it up at another time. I just felt that it will be a good way to start the blog this year and hopefully as the months go by we can all refer back to this blog and see how far along I have come.

Happy New Year guys and I pray and wish for you happiness and peace and may all your dreams and aspirations come true. Lets make this year our year while we all strive to put God first!