You have not been forgotten

Hi guys,
I am sorry I haven't been keeping up to date with my blog. Its my last few weeks in school and I am trying my hardest to get everything done. You have not been forgotten and I'll be back in the swing of things once its all done and over with. Until then, please keep me and my fellow classmates in your prayers and I'll be back up and writing once I am done writing all my school work!

Cheers!

I really haven't felt inspired lately and its partly due to my hectic school and work schedule. Although I really don't have the time now, I thought I should stay faithful to my followers and put something down.

The time has come and God willing I'll be out of school in April,the job hunt has officially began! Putting out resumes, attending networking events and making phone calls are going to be part of my regular routine again. Hopefully this time around I won't be doing it for too long till something good comes my way. I will admit, as exciting as all this is, I am scared!

I have been one who has always doubted my abilities. I never considered myself an exceptional student, most of the time just making by enough to keep it moving, I have never had jobs thrown at me or great opportunities come my way. For some reason I always felt inadequate, incomplete.

Going back to school has helped me change my mind set. I do have my days where I doubt my own abilities but having good friends and family who keep encouraging and reassuring me of how smart I am has really improved my image of myself. I have been excelling in my classes and now when I ask a question or answer a question in class I actually believe I made some sense and when I don't, I joke about it and keep it moving.

I am reflecting on my life and I realise how much I have grown emotionally and spiritually. My self confidence is beginning to rise and my belief and trust in God is getting stronger and better each day. I can't help but be grateful for everything that is coming my way. I have decided I'll give thanks in all situations and keep praying for God's guidance.

Although I really don't have anything substantial to share with you all today. All I want to say is keep loving and believing in you and most importantly in God and it will all work out.

All that glitters

Okay I am going to be quick with this one. I have an exam tomorrow but I can't seem to shake this out of my mind, so I have to put it down really quickly so I can get back to the books.

My girl and I are having a conversation and like always the topic is involving men...this time around, instead of sitting around and talking about how manless we are and when and where are we going to find that man, we are actually embracing our singledom and loving it. The reason for our turn in our conversation is because we realise, there are soo many people out there, in relationships that are not healthy, are not right but yet, they keep at them because they realise they really do not know how to live on their own. They dont know how to be alone, how to be single. They depend on their man for everything and anything, so even when they are miserable and unhappy and they really want out of the relationship, they can't leave. Not because they are being held prisoner but they cant imagine a life without a man.

Quite frankly, I feel thats sad. Its traumatizing to hear a woman put herself through so much pain yet refuses to walk away. There are soo many people in relationships today, where in public they smile, and make the world believe they are happy yet, behind closed doors they are miserable.

One thing my girl and i discussed tonight, was our independence. No I am not a rah rah feminist burning my bras( bras are expensive dude) saying a man cant do nothing for me. Thats not me. However, I have learnt to live alone, I have learnt to survive on my own, I can change a car tire, change the oil in my car, kill a bug when it comes crawling into my apartment, take myself out to eat at expensive restaurants( i might have to survive off ramen noods for a week but thats okay) buy myself expensive clothes and take luxury trips, I can do that all for myself so for me, if someone is coming into my life, I expect them to enhance it, or bring something I can't have on my own...better yet, compliment my life. I dont need the drama.

I do want to have kids, I do want to be married and live happily ever after with the man God intended for me, but I am in no rush. Why? Because I believe that if I enter into marriage it should be forever and if that means I have to wait longer to find the right one then so be it. I am not knocking anyone who has gotten a divorce, things happen, you cant predict the future, I believe that you obviously went in believing it was for ever but things didnt happen that way but its also important as a woman to learn to know how to be on your own, survive on your own so you are not dependant on anyone but God to survive.

I'll be honest, I can be a very envious person, I used to look at other people's lives and wish I lived like them, I used to wish I had that fancy car, lived in that fancy house, had that fancy job, made all that money, travel to distant and exotic places, Living in places, I wish I could affor to live in, but then I realise now, that the people who are able to do all these things, I dont know what they are doing in their lives? I dont know what they had to do to get to this point, or what they are doing to stay afloat, there are soo many people who are living beyond their means and are in debt, there are people who are living in places because they cant go back home, there are people driving fancy cars yet theydont own a house, or there are people who have fancy houses, yet they are living with people they no longer talk to. Seriously why envy other people's lives when you dont know what is going on with their lives. Thats when I realised that, I need to give thanks to God for what I have and for what I dont have because he has given me what I need. My life is not glamourous, I may be single yet I am content and I am blessed and I realise that now. Of course I wouldnt be human if i didnt have my moments of jealousy especially when I really want to do something and someone else is able to do it at that moment but then I tell myself it will be okay, my time will come and then I just focus on what I have.

Like they say, all that glitters isn't gold!

Why do I love you?

I am sure this is a statement you constantly ask yourself when you are dealing with someone you really dont know why you are dealing with them. "Why do I love him? Why do I love her? Obviously this is a question that runs through your mind in those moments when they really dont seem to deserve your love. There are times when you also wonder Why he doesnt like you as much as you like him or why doesnt she like you at all? It seems we always fall for the people who dont want us and ignore those who truly want us. My question is why????

Is it the whole idea of someone not being attainable that makes them so diserable? Is it easier to deal with someone you know doesnt want you than to deal with the one who does and finding out what truly can happen? Is it because this person has all the qualities you look for in a person and you are afraid of straying because if you fall for the other person that doesnt have the qualities you are looking for you are lowering your standards?????


This is a question that constantly runs through my head. I am not afraid to say, I am one of those people who always falls for the person who doesnt want me. I dont know why I do but it happens. These people usually have the qualities I am looking for, or we just happen to get along soo well as friends I convince myself we could be more than that and when it doesnt happen I get upset and start wondering what is soo wrong with me? Why dont they want me? We have an amazing friendship yet he doesnt want us to take it any further? After all they do say, your best friends make the best lovers why doesnt he believe that? Its something I do all the time. I dont know why it doesnt make sense but I do it.

I also do that in friendships, I put my all into a friendship and when the feelings are not returned I get upset. I always focus on those who dont care about me and neglect those who do. I remember an occasion when a dear friend of mine(at least I thought they were a dear friend) completely forgot my birthday. Didnt call, no card, no text nothing. I was miserable, completely upset, however I had an even dearer friend who had pretty much cancelled her plans for the day to come spend it with me and yet here I was miserable about that one friend who didnt bother with me and wasnt even acknowledging that a true friend for me. At the time, I didnt realise what i was doing, but looking back now I realise, here is someone who loves me, who is willing to drop everything and anything for me and yet I am concerned about the one friend who could care less...


In life its normal, very few of us realise the true people in our lives, those who love us unconditionally, those who would drop everything to be by our sides when we need them. We usually focus on those who could care less about us or if they do care, not as much as we care about them. I dont know the answer to why we do but i do believe that for someone like me, if I dont wisen up fast and quick I might miss out on someone great because my eyes are on that person who doesnt deserve me. I know I am a good woman, and I know whoever gets me will be a lucky man however I also need to remember that if that person i want doesnt realise how good i am for them then maybe I dont want them after all.. Maybe they need to lose me to love me or maybe I need to accept they are just not for me.

What we do for love.

How many of you have gone far and beyond for someone and no appreciation was shown? Or you keep giving and giving and nothing is given in return. I would like to say most people may have faced a situation like this and most of the time we keep saying we are going to stop giving but we end up back in the same place, just giving till we literally have nothing else to give.

I know when you give you are not supposed to expect anything in return and most times you do receive in return but sometimes it gets to the point where receiving is almost necessary.

I often find myself over extending myself in relationships where i give and give and I get nothing in return. No I am not talkin about material gifts. I feel like I give up my time, me energy, my heart to people who always seem to take take take and give nothing in return. What really upsets me about the situation is, its almost like they feel I am supposed to give up everything and they give nothing in return. The days I have stayed up late to lend an ear, sacrificed working on myself and my projects to take up their projects so that they will not be overwhelmed with their work. Cancelling my prior plans to make time for them but then they are quick to cancel on me when its not convenient for them without even a second thought. Am I foolish to allow this to continue or do I just love too hard and completely blind to what is going on around me?

I know that in any relationship regardless of what type of relationship it is, its never going to be equal. There is always going to be one person in the relationship that gives more than the other person. I mean even take your work situations or your class situations, whenever you work in a team, there is always one person who contributes the least. Its just the way life is set up so no I am not going to say in a relationship you must give 50/50 because thats almost impossible. I do say that you need to know when you are being appreciated and when you are being taken advantaged of. Of course I dont believe you must stop giving immediately when your actions are not reciprocrated but at the same time its important to evaluate your relationship and figure out, am I being cheated? Are my efforts being appreiciated?

Its hard when you love someone, to completely back away till you see some efforts on their parts but at times you have to put your needs and your wants ahead of theirs and make sure you are not being taken for granted. Love shouldnt hurt, it has to be reciprocated and if its not, you have to wonder if they do feel the same about you. At times they do, they just dont notice what they are doing but sometimes they do not. Learn to let go when you have to. I seriously believe holding on too long when you shouldnt gives them a reason for them to lose respect for you and at times Respect is more important than love....I'm just saying