Happy 2012

Happy New Year folks! We live to see another year and just like the theme for "the biggest loser" this season I am adopting the theme "no excuses". This year I will not let obstacles be the reason I don't go for what I want and unless I am physically unable to do something I am going for it.

So I am currently on the bus after work heading to the gym. Its my first day in the gym this year only because I have been working long hours so I haven't made it to the gym yet but like I said no excuses so even though I didn't make it to the gym I still put in a good work out at home.

Anyways I figured this year no resolutions per say, instead of listing everything I plan to achieve this year I am just going to take each day to do something I have been trying to do for a while. I am not going to list what I plan to do because like I said no resolutions but I am going to lists some things I think we should all put into consideration and action as we see appropriate.

Let's start with exercise. Right no there is no justifying not working out. As long as u can get out of bed u can work out. You can even work out in bed but hey let's not go there. Well this year stop driving everywhere, cold weather or not, if u can walk there walk, if there is a particular sport u enjoy, find community centres that have the facilities to play the sport and enrol in the program or just take time out of your work day to go up and down the stairs a few times. Bring ur sneakers to work and do it. U can always incorporate exercise into ur routine. U don't need a gym to exercise.

Dating.

If u are like me, u may be facing some family pressure to settle down or u may find that u are ready to "boo up" and settle down and that's great if that's what u want but u find the traditional method of meeting people are not working for u or u don't have time, there is nothing wrong with trying more modern methods such as Internet dating. Now my girls are probably saying hush u haven't signed up yet so what u talking about, well I did sign up and my only reason for not continuing with it is because I realised that when I selected I need a christian, my options went from 800 to 2. Of course that's not going to work. But I also realised I haven't given the traditional methods enough of a chance so I can't really write it off till I fully exercise that option. Also I find a lot of us black women like to stick to our own and there is no crime in that. U don't have to tell me that black is sexy because I breath it and know it but then love can be found amongst all races so if there is that guy who has been trying to get ur number for a while nothing should stop u from giving him a shot.

Also its the year of letting go, if u have been stressing over a matter for so long and no results maybe its time to let go and let God, if u have been checking that guy/girl for over a year and still no progress, let go and move on. Often we allow people/circumstances/obstacles hold us back from moving forward and finding what else lies ahead. I have a philosophy, what's urs is yours so if u find u are not getting it, try a new path, open up to other opportunities and who knows, u might find out something better is coming or came ur way.

No drama,

I believe every year should be a drama free year but then we all watch reality tv so to some extent we welcome some form of drama in our lives but if you find some people consistently bring drama into your life, you may want to reevaluate the relationship you have with them. It may be an issue of them not knowing what and who they are so in trying to sort themselves out they pull you along for the ride. You should not feel obligated to stick around because u have your own development to work on so if you find they are distracting from your own growth let them go and focus on you. Some people also are very negative and they may have reason to but I believe if u welcome negativity into your life u get negativity so u may need to let them figure out what makes them so negativity while u focus on positivity.

So as we embark on a new year I pray all your hearts desires are granted and may this be an amazing year! Happy 2012!

As the year comes to an end

Hey lovelies

Yes I know its been awhile, I really dont know who to blame for my absence other than the fact that i had a very busy summer and it seems i am having a busier fall but I guess the biggest reason for my lack of correspondance is primarily due to the fact that I havent had a lot to say lately. Here I am though, and I know its probably a month early but I figured I'll get my "what I have learned through the year" post out now.

This has been a very interesting year to say the least. there has been a lot of changes in my life, both good and bad but its been a good year to say the least. One thing I will say is, positive thinking and strong faith in God can really get you far and most importantly keep you sane. I really do give Thanks to the Almighty because many of the great things that happened in my life this year is primarily due to him and I am most grateful for that. As most of you know, last year at this time I was unemployed...I hadnt given up hope but I realy was beginning to wonder if I would find a job..well the fact that I am using my lunch time at work to type this post is a clear indication that my situation did change. I found a job right at the beginning of the year and its already been 11 months since I first started. Although my job situation is not 100% stable right now, its still a great opportunity and I do believe its only going to get better from here.

Let me get right into it, for the things I realised this year.

1. Faith can move mountains. It make take a lot of prayer but when God is ready to work in your life, you will be amazed at how your life can transform in ways you never imagined.

2. Every encounter in your life was meant to happen. Each person you meet may serve a purpose in your life. You may not always know what their purpose is but as time goes by you realise that their impact in your life was great. May be great may not be so great but they always leave with teaching you something you may not have known before.

3. Learning to let go. I think this is one thing I am still learning. I think especially when it comes to dealing with the oppossite sex, many of us dont want to let go because the reality that the person does not like you, or doesnt deserve you or is just not meant for you is a hard pill to swallow but until you let go, how do you even really make room for those who are meant to come in and stay?

4. You may have friends you think will always be in your life but it may just take one incident for them to leave. As sad as it may be to lose them(and I dont mean by death) sometimes its probably for the best that they left because their time in your life is done. I usually smile at those situations and thank them secretly for being part of my life and wish them the best on their journey forward and if they are meant to come back into your life, they will but at God's given time.

5. I think the biggest challenge for me since forever is loving myself. I dont mean loving who I am as person in terms of my psychological, spiritual or emotional attributes but loving myself physically. Appreciating every part of my body, whether its my legs, my face, my hair, my breast whatever it is. For a long time, I would look in the mirror and just find all my flaws and depress myself with how I look but as I get older I have learned to stand in the mirror naked and just stare at myself and admire what I do have... I am by no means perfect or close to perfect but I think I am gradually beginning to see what others have been pointing out to me for years and I am loving it. I do have some more work to do, but I am loving every inch of my body and not to sound vain I am a beautiful person, physically and mentally and I wont let anyone tell me otherwise....which leads to my next point

6. learning to stand my ground. One comment I get very often is I am too nice...and trust me its not a compliment when I am told this. Some people believe this may be a weakness of mine. Some may argue that I allow people to take advantage of me and walk over me. Its true I do, not because I am too nice but thats generally my nature. I am learning to be stronger and learn to stand my ground but I also think that sometimes going out of your way for people is a good thing...you never know when the tables will turn and they may need you.

7. Learning to appreciate those who appreciate you. I think this is something we all take for granted to some extent. I am pretty sure we are all guilty of this to some extent. We are constantly breaking our backs, reaching out, or doing things for people who wont do the same for you or even if they will, its very rarely. I am soo guilty of that. I am the queen of keeping in touch. Even prior to email, bbm, texting, phones I was soo diligent with taking out my pen an paper and writing lengthy letters to people who would never reply or if they did, usually months later with a one line saying" I am doing well, hope you are well too keep in touch" However those who would constantly reach out to me, show their love on every birthday, special event, calling me all the time just to make sure I had had a good day, I took for granted. Now dont get me wrong, I did appreciate them but I also knew that they were okay and thats why i didnt bother but I am beginning to realise with time that, those who didnt show me the same care really dont deserve all my attention either. I think in relationships feelings and behaviour should be reciprocrated. So yes one person may not be good at texting or emailing as often but I do believe there should be other ways of the person showing you they care as often as you show them you care so I have decided that from now on, I will show love to those who show me love and to those who dont, well you know where to find me when you want to find me.

8. Last but most definitely not least. I think the biggest thing I may have learnt this year is just trying to be a better person in all aspects of my life! Whether its my relationship with God, or my friends and family, even at work. Just trying to be the person I believe God wants me to be and appreciating each day I am on earth. Life is not perfect and our world most certainly isnt but i think if we can take each moment we have to thank God for all the small things anda big things in our life it will change our outlook on life. Its such an easy thing to stay negative and to always find the bad in every situation but if you really take the time to look at all the good in the world you will realise that the Good most definitely outweighs the bad. So until you begin to realise that, you will continue to stay in your negative runt.

9. No one should ever be too busy to reach out to you. I find that people constantly use the "I've been busy" excuse for their reason for not keeping in touch. I dont think thats true. Yes we do get busy and sometimes we do let life take over some of the more important stuff in our lives but I really and truly believe that if someone really means a lot to you, there is nothing in this world that can keep you away from them. So Ladies and Men, when someone tells you they have been busy hence their silence just take it as a sign to mean you are not important enough for me to factor you into my life. I may be wrong but I like to believe that anyone who considers you important will make the time.

I wish you all the best in your lives. A beautiful and Happy Christmas and an exciting and Prosperous New Year. I am hoping that I can have another opportunity to write to you guys before the year ends but incase I dont, Its been real!

Peace!

Real wisdom from a youngster

I know its been awhile...lets just say I allowed life to take control but I am back and hopefully with some insightful things to say.

As you may know, I recently celebrated my birthday and for those of you who know me and know me well, you know my birthday is a pretty big deal. I love my birthdays because its that one day in the yea where I feel like its okay to be exactly who I am because people will love and tolerate me at least for the day. Not to say i become a complete brat but I like the feeling of feeling special and having all the attention on me for a change...but not only does it make me feel special but its also a chance for me to really reflect on my life and see how far I have come and how far I still have to go. This birthday was no different and once again I reflected on how far I have come and how far I have yet to go.

Recently the topic of love has been on my mind a lot...what does love really entail, why are we willing to deal with people who may not feel the way we do or why do we know we love someone yet still turn around and break their heart. I cant say i have come up with any solid answers but I have discussed this with a few people and each have different opinions on the matter but the one thing that they all said in common was when you find love, nothing or no one will stop you for going for it.

Often times, we think we have found the one. We believe in our hearts that the person we are hopelessly in love with is the one. Yet they give us every reason in teh book why they are not the one. They are not as attentive to us, they seem to have all the excuses in the book as to why you and them just cant be together and they just dont seem to show that they care enough to really make you feel like they are the ones for you. Despite all their actions we still hold on and pray that the they change and they suddenly start doing everything to prove to you that they are the ones. In the mean time, we may be passing on other opportunities with other people because we believe in our hearts of hearts that your "one" is really the one.

I had a really interesting conversation with my cousin today and she went in...i was actually quite surprised because although I know she can be very expressive when she is passionate about something I have never really seen her really go on about anything. She pretty much said, there is nothing in this world that will prevent you from being with someone if you really care for them. It doesnt matter if you have oceans seperating you, you are not in the financial position you want to be in, or you just dont think you have the emotional strength to keep going. when you love someone all you can think about is being with that person so if it means you have to deal with all the clear obstacle and unclear obstacles in your way you will do it. The minute someone is not willing to jump that first hurdle for you, there is a possiblity they never will. So this is when you need to ask yourself, Are you willing to wait till they decide to at least jump one hurdle, or are you going to move on and find that one who is willing to swim the ocean for you if it means they can have you?

Of course nothing she has said was new to me, hell I have shared that same opionion and thoughts with others but it really put it into perspective coming from her because knowing she was in a situation where there were soo many obstacles in her way yet she was dealing with each obstacle everyday because all she wanted was to be with her signficant other made me realise that nothing in this world should hold me back or anyone back from being with who you love.

that being said, love is a two way straight, you must give to receive just as you must receive to give, so yes you may be willing to jump off the boat and swim an ocean for that person but if they are not willing to do the same then whats the point? This is really when you must decide in your heart that are you willing to let go of your "one" to find the one who wants you as their "one" as well or are you going to keep holding on and praying that your one finally sees you as your one even if it means you miss out on something thats even greater and better than what you have set out for yourself.

Before I finally end this, just remember this. In life we all have things we want and hope for and we will do everything in our power to get it even if the odds are against us and it just seems like the more we try the more we fail. But make sure that whatever you are fighting for is really what you are meant to have. Sometimes God is the reason these things are not working because he knows there is something bigger and better in store for us and he wants us to be patient as he prepares it for us. So all I will say is learn to let go and Let Go. The heart can heal...the heart will heal so learn to say goodbye....as Beyonce said...I finally found the good in bye. Have you ever looked back in your life and saw the person you were hopeless in love with turned out to be completely wrong for you? and you ask yourself what did i see? Well maybe one day you will say the same about the person you just cant seem to let go of even though you really should.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder

I am sure a lot of you have heard about the article published and then pulled out of the Psychology today journal titled black women are the least attractive women. I haven't read the article personally but clips of it here and there that I have seen, the writer states objectively black women are the least attractive yet subjectively we believe we are more attractive than we really are. As terrible as that sounds and as untrue as that statement is, you can't help to wonder why he believes this is so and does the world secretly agree with him yet are too afraid of being politically incorrect so we all remain quiet.

Of course I do not agree with his thesis in any shape or form and I am not going to point out which race has the least attractive women or people for that matter because in all honesty beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder so my definition of beauty might not necessarily be your definition and vice verse but to come out and point out one race of women is least attractive than the other is wrong.

However, my blog is not to bash the writer but to really explore that topic and find if to some extent we (black women) give this man the bases to come to this conclusion. I am going to break it down into topics and discuss each separately.

Hair

As you know black womens hair comes in all different textures and and length. Naturally, our hair is course, tightly coiled and weaker when wet. Yet due to chemical products, electrically engineered tools and the help of an asian women we are able to straighten, lenghten and change our hair texture. Now for someone who has gone through the motions with her hair and has finally decided to wear her hair the way God created me, plus some colour to give me some pizzazz I can totally relate to the frustration of needing to straighten our sometimes unruly mane, however when we go as far as to dye our hair blond(a colour I personally doesn't go quite well with dark skin and would like to think God thought so as well and hence us having black hair) and to put in 5 foot weaves, you can't help but wonder do we do these things because we see our lighter skinned sisters(and I mean non black) and admire their blond hair and long hair that we will do whatever to look like them? Of course I am in no way shape or form saying people dye their hair blond or put in long weaves to look white but is it possible some do exactly that for that reason?

Fading creams.

Now I am not stupid I know "fading creams" are to "fade away" blemishes from scares but we have all seen those who have gone as far as to use it to lighten their skin completely. Most recently and famously we know of Vybz Kartel the reggae and dancehall who completely went from dark to light and I am sure we have seen many women do the same. Now why do people do that?? Again you can blame it on the fact that it was a fade gone wrong or do they really find lighter skin more attractive??

Black men

Now you know I can't talk about black women without touching on black men. Of course with the increase of interracial marriages and relationships where majority of the interracial relationships being a black man with a non black women its only natural I touch on this. Now I personally have nothing against interracial relationships and having white ancestry myself I obviously cannot have anything against it. People have a preference and that's totally okay however there are some who in the process of dating outside their race have a tendency to down talk the black women by talking about not having long flowy hair (yes someone actually told me that was their reason they didn't like black women) and the fact that we are too independent. (Incase u didn't know non black women are also independent). Fact of the matter is no matter how a black man categorizes us we are women and women are the same regardless of race. Yes our approach initially to a situation may be different but at the end of the day if provoked we all can get a little crazy.

Also many of the music videos out today rarely show darker skinned women. Is it possible that they do believe that lighter women are generally more attractive??

Magazines

Recently the top 100 most beautiful people list came out and so did Maxims 100 hottest women came out and I believe only 5 percent max featured black women as one of the top 100 hottest or beautiful women. Now I could probably list at least 10 people off the top of my head in show business that easily could have made the list and that's not discounting the 1000 others who could be considered but of course its top 100 so they had a limit but again why is it that the only 5 percent or less represented were black?? In my opinion the number 1 person I felt should not have been number black or not but then again beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Now I could go on and on about this topic and mind u these are all observations I have made. I am in now way shape or form saying I am a credible source. This is purely my opinion. You can choose to agree with me or disagree and again I do not agree with the writer of the article that black women are the least attractive because I don't think there is nothing written anywhere that outlines what beauty looks like but I do feel that so much is out that that could give this man the bases to make such judgements and we are not doing much to prove him wrong.

Second chances

I am a firm believer in second chances. I can't say why I am but all I know is the number of times I mess up, if I didn't get a second chance, Only God knows where I would be today. Not to say anytime I made a mistake I was given a second chance to redeem myself because honestly I don't think that would be a good idea either but usually when I am given a second chance I usually take advantage of that and make sure I rectify things. Of course that's coming from me, I am sure if u ask the person I wronged they may think differently but so far they haven't said anything so I guess I did make my wrong right.

Now I know sometimes some people need several chances to get It right. I can't say I know why but if I was to make an assumption it could be for a variety of reaons, one they probably were not aware they did something wrong in the first place so they cannot comprehend the severity of their actions so they may repeat it again because they do not know what exactly they did wrong which in that case its the responsibility of the one affected to clearly lay out what they did wrong and explain why that act should not be repeated or 2 they are slow learners so it takes several mistakes to make it right or 3, they just don't care and if that's the case u shouldn't be given them a second chance at all.

There are also people like me. Very forgiving. We know some people just have to be given a second chance, maybe 3rd or 4th chances because we know that nobody is perfect and u don't know when the show will be on the other foot and u will need that chance. However what we need to also put into consideration is the fact that some people just don't care enough about your feelings so no matter how many chances u give them they are going to keep repeating the same mistake until u say enough is eenough and maybe the only way to get ur point across is to walk away and let them know that you have no more chances to give. Its hard though to do that because deep down u believe people are inherently good and though they may come across as not caring deep down if u walked away they will do whatever it takes to get you back.

Now the question is, is that healthy for either parties? I don't know. It might be because it sends the message across that you cannot be toyed with at the same time that person might learn not to take people for granted because they can be gone today.

Now don't confuse forgiveness for second chances because as important as it is to forgive and not necessarily because the person wants it, its more for you doesn't mean that they deserve a second chance. It just means u have let them go and u are allowing them to live their lives knowing u do not despise them and are holding them spiritually hostage by not forgiving them but it means u realise your worth and ur need to be happy and so u are getting rid or anything or anyway who has u contantly feeling defeated and lost.

Now as I keep pondering on the issue of when do u let go all I can say is this. Know when enough is enough and as important as second chances are, remember they are called second chances for a reason...you only get a second try and that's it.

Hey Young World

A letter to the younger generation

I am totally appalled and disgusted by your attitude towards life and your bodies. I wonder each day how and when did these innocent babies turn into these sex crazed, no respect for anyone especially themselves young adults. I sit back and watch you on the bus sit in seats designated for the elderly, disabled, or parents with young kids and not offer your seat to any of these designated groups yet when someone points that out to you, you have the nerve to insult and yell at them for even suggesting u stand when u are perfectly able to instead of apologizing and making sure u don't repeat yourself.

I see you in public with your significant others (mind u the word boyfriend was not allowed in my vocabulary until I was 18) and if I didn't know better I would seriously believe u were having sex if I didn't see u with your clothes on. So eager to send "sexts" and email pictures of yourself naked to each other and proudly post them online or suddenly through a fit when its posted online. (What did u expect to happen when you hit send you big dummy!) I see how you are so quick to offer your goods to sometimes to the lowest bidder just to fit in yet when your counter part refuses to do the same u laugh and tease them till they are forced to do the same. Shame on you!

You disrespect your parents, your elders. Parents are afraid to discpline because they fear for their safety or the consequences of the law. They fear that if they speak up and take action they may lose you so they keep their mouths shut. Gone are the days when children had a healthy fear of their parents. They always put into consideration what their parents would think before they acted. Gone are the day when the rod was not spared when discplining a child but these days all the parents have to do is raise their voice and the police are knocking on their door ready to cart them away.

As easy as it would be to blame you for your actions I can't do that entirely without blaming your parents. Parents are no longer taking responsibility on how they raise their children. Either they don't care enough or they are too afraid of not allowing their kids to "express themselves" blaming everything on the fact that their children are going through a "phrase" instead of nipping those actions in the bud the minute they display them and waiting till its too late to do something. Media can be blamed, with the over abundance of reality tv and tv shows that glorify teenage sexuality but come on let's be real, at the end of the day if something is not done at home no amount of tv can be blamed for the action of bad kids

Younger generation, learn to love yourself. Learn to be individuals. Stop basing who you are on who and what other people are. Dont be a follower, be a trendsetter. Who cares if you are not "cool" by your peers standards" Secretly they admire you for being an individual. Disrespecting your body doesnt make you popular and well liked, it makes you susceptible to disease, teenage pregnancy and quite frankly the title "slut" this does not exclude the young boys too.

Learn to say No when its necessary. Most importantly learn some mannners and some respect! Dont always fight those who mean well and are looking out for your best interest. Yes I do know that your parents may not always have the right answers or make the best decisions but it doesnt give you the righ to disrespect them and mistreat them. Wearing next to nothing clothes doesnt make you sexy...Dressing appropriately for your age and leaving some parts hidden makes you classy yet sexy.

The right person loves you no matter who you are. No need to dress a certain way, speak a certain way, or act a certain way to get noticed. You are noticed when you are yourself.

Love each other and stop making others feel less adequate. Stop judging people for who they are, gay, straight, short fat, tall, slim. They are who they are. Enpower each other and lift each other. Be supportive and lend a shoulder to someone in need.

I am not saying i am any better bu it doesnt mean you have the right to be worse. Time to be you!

Disgusted

On saturday,I was speaking to a friend and she told me a very disturbing story that came out of Ghana. Of course, I dont know the validity of this story and I refuse to watch the videos associated to this story nor will I post it on my blog for others to see because I refuse to take part in distributing this video but I am extremely appalled and disgusted by this story and I hope that something will be done about this unfortunate incident that happened in Ghana.

A young girl on the University of Ghana, Legon campus was caught stealing a laptop, of course as bad as stealing is, what was done to her is far worst than her stealing the lap top. She was caught by a group of guys who then started beating her up for stealing...not unusual in Ghana since most theives are beaten...to death at times and then to make matters worse, they strip her clothes and start filming the whole incident to the point of them filming her private parts. From what I hear, she was later raped.

Of course my part of the story is based on heresay but if anyone can verify the information for me, please feel free to comment on this blog.

What upsets me about this whole story is, the poor girl is now in police custody for the crime that she committed while the men are still out there. The fact that the boys are going unpunished...at least for now for this incident and the fact that they posted this video online is appalling! Why should any, be treated in this manner for stealing anything??????? Why does it always happen that in most cases when these situations involve a woman she is the one who gets the shorter end of the stick? Women all around the world seem to be punished for the mistakes they make when the men who choose to take drastic, inhumane disgusting action agains these women go scott free.

Before you rush to say North America is excluded, Just a few weeks ago, a Police officer in Toronto, who was giving a talk at one of the University came out and said that if young women didnt dress like sluts they wouldnt be targeted for rape. He came back later to apologise but believe me when I say women in canada didnt not let him go scot free for making such a statement. They took to the streets and protested against that statement. Women in Arab countries are put to death, beaten,canned what have you for their transgressions but then what happens to these men? Nothing!

I really hope that women groups around the world will take a stance on this issue. I really hope that people stand up against such injustice. Most importantly we need to stop distributing this video!

I am totally disgusted by what has happeend and I hope you are too.