Dairy of a Fat girl

I have always battled with my weight. My love for food and my dislike for my body have never found a harmonious way to live. Constantly wondering how I can combine what I love and work on what I dislike to become the person I truly want to be. In the last year I have been working on my body, working hard while finding ways to eat what I love but finding healthier alternatives and sometimes its challenging and sometimes its not but its still a struggle balancing the two. However although I have lost some weight I don't believe I am happy. I put so much emphasis on my happiness and my confidence coming from a better body that I never really bothered to focus on working on me to make me happy. Yes losing weight was a great thing and I am no where near my goal... I still have a long way to go but I don't think losing weight has changed my outlook on how I feel and look. I think the magazines and media do a good job of misinforming us all when it comes to how we look and how we should feel about our bodies. We constantly compare ourselves to models and at times watching how men oogle over some of these models and women oogle over hot actors, its almost impossible not to feel unattractive, overweight and have low self esteem when you carry a little more than you should. Although I am constantly fighting my weight demons and trying my hardest not to compare myself to other people, I know deep down I may never feel as amazing I should until I get to my goal. My everyday struggle with my weight sometimes is so self consuming I over wonder if I will ever enjoy life like I used to. Weight loss and healthy living although essential to our lives sometimes can be taken out of context and sometimes unhealthy habits can be formed. Of course I don't even think or believe I have a problem with food but I cant say I do not, not have a problem with it either. I believe that ultimately my success will come from my own acceptance of who I am. Once I begin to really accept this is who I am I believe true weight loss success will come my way. Yes I have done great over the course of the year, working hard in the gym, eating clean as often as I possibly can but I really need to work on my confidence, my self esteem and my mind and I believe I will truly achieve all my goals. So before we judge others on their weight, lets really consider what they may be going through and their demons they are fighting and try to lift them p and encourage them because maybe that's all it takes for them to make the changes they need. Being fat is never easy but hopefully its a life I wont have to live for much longer.