I just aint got it like that

I typically don't like to blog about race. My reason for not blogging about it often is because I can only get one side of the story...typically mine. Mind you unlike those who came before me, I haven't had major negative issues with my race. I mean yeah I would be lying if I said I haven't dealt with racism or discrimination of some sort, but nothing like the civil rights era... I've been fortunate. I could give you a long list of why I possibly haven't faced major racism but this is not the point of this blog. The reason why I am bringing up race right now is not to share something I personally went through because of my race but rather why sometimes decisions that are made have to be made with my skin colour in mind. I am sure for all you avid reality tv watchers especially for those of you in the US who have a found liking for ratchet reality shows(myself included), the major story last week was Mimi Faust from Love and Hip hop(for those of you who don't know Mimi, google shower rod or love and hip hop and you will get an idea of what I am talking about) heard about her sex tape.Frankly I would call it a porno (yes I saw the clip) but Tomato-Tomato. Funny thing though, hardly do we make reference to Nikko when talking about this tape. (Nikko is her boyfriend she shot the tape with) All meme's that have been created, all twitter tweets, or facebook posts, or media stories always refer to Mimi and hardly is Nikko mentioned. Mind you, outside all the jokes that are made about her ability to hang from a shower rod without it falling down, everyone is either appalled by her or laughing at her. No one is applauding her for her courage to put such a private moment out to the public to view. No one is giving her a high five for her ability to swing from a shower rod, No one is applauding her for being sexually liberated enough to share her private moment with everyone. In fact everyone is appalled by her, disgusted, upset that a 45 year old woman with a 4 year old daughter is willing to put her business out in public for money. Unfortunately when it comes to sex tapes, black women we don't have the same luck as our non black counter sisters have in that respect. Now, now, before everyone jumps on me and references Kim Kardashian let me point out the difference. Kim Kardashian became well known and famous after her sex tape was released. Kim Kardashian also had Ray J to take some of the heat when her tape was released. Kim Kardashian was able to sign up for a reality show, open a fashion store and become very rich after her tape was released. Kim Kardashian became a sex symbol and ultimately desired by a lot of men after her tape was released. Kim became Kim Kardashian after her tape was released. The point I am making here is, black women don't have that same luck when we "shame ourselves" in public. Our already tainted imagine is even more tainted when we put ourselves in compromising positions ( no pun intended) that leave people to categorize us as the stereotypical angry, no class, aggressive over-sexualized woman. What I am saying is nothing different from what I have heard this past week since the tape was released. I have heard Steve Harvey say it time and time again on his radio show how black women don't have the option to show an unpleasant side of us in public, I am sure Wendy Williams has had her say and I am sure there are some scholarly educators sharing the same sentiments. Now this is a personal opinion of mine what I am about to say and anyone who disagrees with me, please share your thoughts but on the totem pole black women are at the bottom. I am not going to go ahead and point out who comes after us and who is on top because there is no need and quite frankly I am not sure but most definitely we are at the bottom. It takes a lot for anyone to look at us as potentially being anywhere else but at the bottom. I am sure for a lot of you black women, you have heard this before" You are not like the rest" "You are my only black female friend" "You changed my mind about black women" I know I have heard this a few times myself and the minute I show any type of emotion that's outside of my calm sweet self then its "Ohhh she gets black when she is upset" I am not kidding you I have heard that before. The fact is it takes a lot for black women to be seen as anything but angry, aggressive or ghetto. It takes a lot for men to approach us and hope we don't become the stereotypical black woman when things go wrong...Black men included. It takes a lot for anyone to believe that we are calm, classy and well respected when all they see on tv is black women fighting like animals o, jumping tables, messing around with many men, have kids by different men, more concerned about their hair and clothes than they are about opening a book. Mind you, our non black sisters can do exactly the same thing and no matter what they do not have the same labels thrown at them. How many of you can recall any instant on reality where a non black woman was overly aggressive, fighting or acting crazy and is still spoken about today? If you know anyone please remind me because I cant remember a single one...even if I remember the situation I cant remember their name. However I can tell you which season when Evelyn Lozada got into a fight with Tammy Roman and called her a non mother fucking factor, or when Evelyn jumped over a table to beat up one of the other girls, of when Sheree fought Kim. Now you see my point? I recently heard Steve Harvey's nephew complain on the radio that his son came up to him one day and said "Dad I dont think I want to be with a black woman" Tommy a man who loves his black woman was upset but after his son broke it down to him as to why he didn't want to be with a black woman he understood. His son pretty much assumed that black women are loud, ghetto, fight a lot, are aggressive etc. So for him not wanting to deal with any one like that he has ultimately ruled all black women out because he assumes we are all like that. I am sure there are some black men out there who come from good homes, with well respecting black mothers who probably feel the same way because all they see now are black women who behave differently from how their mothers were raised. I once had a black guy tell me, " I am different from the rest" Yes a compliment if you want to call it that but at the same time extremely sad that one of my own would think I am different from the rest and ultimately assumed that all black women were the same. What I am saying here is, black women we have to do better. Now I am not saying we cant be upset or we cant express ourselves how we want to but at the same time, we need to be careful how and when we show this type of behavior. Quite frankly I don't think anyone, male or female, black or white should behave in any manner that makes you less than you are. I think that as much as we find these shows entertaining and it gives us something to talk about for weeks to come, we shouldn't be encouraging such behavior at all. We as black women should rise up and do better. Now I know a lot of it is to gain ratings but at what cost? Its time we really re-evaluate how we conduct ourselves in general and know that no matter what we do or say, we will always be judged for it. We just aint got it like that.