Dairy of a Fat girl

I have always battled with my weight. My love for food and my dislike for my body have never found a harmonious way to live. Constantly wondering how I can combine what I love and work on what I dislike to become the person I truly want to be. In the last year I have been working on my body, working hard while finding ways to eat what I love but finding healthier alternatives and sometimes its challenging and sometimes its not but its still a struggle balancing the two. However although I have lost some weight I don't believe I am happy. I put so much emphasis on my happiness and my confidence coming from a better body that I never really bothered to focus on working on me to make me happy. Yes losing weight was a great thing and I am no where near my goal... I still have a long way to go but I don't think losing weight has changed my outlook on how I feel and look. I think the magazines and media do a good job of misinforming us all when it comes to how we look and how we should feel about our bodies. We constantly compare ourselves to models and at times watching how men oogle over some of these models and women oogle over hot actors, its almost impossible not to feel unattractive, overweight and have low self esteem when you carry a little more than you should. Although I am constantly fighting my weight demons and trying my hardest not to compare myself to other people, I know deep down I may never feel as amazing I should until I get to my goal. My everyday struggle with my weight sometimes is so self consuming I over wonder if I will ever enjoy life like I used to. Weight loss and healthy living although essential to our lives sometimes can be taken out of context and sometimes unhealthy habits can be formed. Of course I don't even think or believe I have a problem with food but I cant say I do not, not have a problem with it either. I believe that ultimately my success will come from my own acceptance of who I am. Once I begin to really accept this is who I am I believe true weight loss success will come my way. Yes I have done great over the course of the year, working hard in the gym, eating clean as often as I possibly can but I really need to work on my confidence, my self esteem and my mind and I believe I will truly achieve all my goals. So before we judge others on their weight, lets really consider what they may be going through and their demons they are fighting and try to lift them p and encourage them because maybe that's all it takes for them to make the changes they need. Being fat is never easy but hopefully its a life I wont have to live for much longer.

Tapout/Trials of a good girl

I was listening to "Tap Out" by Rich gang and those who know me, Know that I love that song...makes me feel I had an affiliation to poles in my past life. All joking aside, The reason I bring up that song is because there is a line in there where Nicki Minaj refers to her girlie parts as the "million dollar pussy" And as crude as that sound, it makes sense. The point of this blog today is the fact that many women treat their girlie parts or crudely put, their pussies as if its worth half a dime. Though I am not here to judge but this problem is affecting the girls who actually consider theirs to be worth millions, or more...I like to consider mine a black diamond...a rare and valuable find and only the very deserving and "rich"(not materially rich...but rich in values, moral standing and personality)can afford to have it because men are not appreciating the hard to find yet good girls because the girls who believe they can use their pussies to get any guy they want are making it extremely difficult to land any type of man. I am not into online dating, tried, it didn't like it and quite frankly don't think I want to do it again. Of course I will never say never because who knows how I will feel down the line but for now I am not going to give it a shot, but for those who have tried it and continue to try it, the horror stories I hear from them will have any one considering online dating to rethink that method of meeting a potential partner. Granted I cant say all the men on there or even women on there are bad news but the common theme I hear from those who try it, are the approach the men use to try to get them to speak to them. Often times the guys will ignore the fact that the woman has listed on her profile that she is not interested in a casual relationship and immediately solicit them for sex or speak to them in a very disrespectful manner. In order not to put anyone's business out there, I wont go into detail as to what some of the conversations have been like but I can guarantee you it has been disrespectful, disgusting and outright crazy. However the shocking part of it all is that many of these men will testify that there are many women who respond positively to their requests. They barely know these women and yet there are women out there who are willing and ready to do anything and everything to gain the attention of the men. there are even some of these guys who have admitted that the women have been the ones to solicit them for sexual favours as opposed to them asking them to sleep with them. What bothers me about this whole thing is, often times as a woman with traditional values and a moral campus, I find its often difficult to keep the attention of any man the minute you let him know that the cookies or pussy will not be easy to come by. Its like the minute you let them know its not even an option in the initial getting to know stages, they immediately kick you to the curb and move on to the next girl who will welcome them with open arms or legs in this context I know some of you are already saying, "A good guy will wait" "why would you even want to be with a guy like that anyway" and you are right on both counts and even as my brother eloquently put yesterday, "would I seriously invest in anyone I have already had the milk for free" But the point I am trying to make here is, it gets even harder and harder to really sieve through all the junk to find the right one when there are some girls making it too easy for guys to really even bother to make the effort these days. Its almost like when you ask a guy to take the time to get to know you before you unveil the crown jewels, you sound like a prude. Nothing wrong with being a prude...I am not one myself but there is nothing wrong with that but its like they immediately label you as something you are not because you have self respect and self worth. Yes there are some who will argue that we are grown, and why would I suddenly lose interest in you just because you gave it to me too quickly...but I beg to differ because I have seen and know some guys who immediately felt a tad bit different the minute the girl gave it up to them after only knowing them for a very short period of time. Anyway the point of this blog is, being a good girl can honestly be lonely, stressful and sometimes difficult. Damned if you do, damned if you don't so what is one to do when you cant win either way you look at it. Do what's best for you, don't compromise who you are for the benefits of others and to my good girls...myself included, keep being you. It may take awhile but someone is out there who will appreciate all you have to offer. Never ever be someone you are not to please anyone because all that does is leave you with heart break and pain and most importantly feeling like you are worth nothing. It sucks that I know a bunch of beautiful, successful, hard working women who are still single...myself included for this exact reason but we can only hope and pray that all our prince is out there.

Bring on old age!!

Its that time again, Time to reflect on my life as my birthday is less than two hours away. Although, my life is constantly evolving, and the year is only half way in, I still think there is a lot that has happened to me this year that has been impactful and life altering. As I turn another page on a new year, I realize a few things and as in popular fashion, I have my list. 1. I am not rushing into marriage. As much as I want the kids and the husband, I think its best I wait to find the right one so I can do it right. 2. Single life is not that bad. 3. You must create your own happiness. If you depend on someone to make you happy you will never be happy. 4. Its important to work. Creates independence, responsibility and professionalism. 5. Its important to have a social life. Its what keeps you sane. 6. Take time to take care of yourself. One thing I used to be good at was having "me" days. I use the time to do things I want and pamper myself. 7. Travelling is vital. You cant live in a world and not explore it. Saving towards a trip should be in everyone's budget plans. 8.Negativity is draining. Anytime I find someone is constantly bringing negativity into my life, I don't hesitate to cut them off. No relationship is worth constantly being miserable. 9. God is always number one! Cant live life without God as your Guide. 10. Working out and eating healthy is essential! As much as its good to cheat, its also important to eat well and work out constantly. It does wonders for your body and your mental health 11. Sleep is vital. Even if it means skipping out on a night out with friends to get a goods night sleep. 12. Loving yourself is the best way to allow people to love you. Once you learn to love yourself you will not let anyone who doesn't love you into your life. 13. Saving for a rainy day is necessary. Sometimes if it means sacrificing a new outfit, toy or material just to have money for a rainy is better than having nothing saved up but nothing of value. 14. You can not always be right. Learning to accept other peoples opinions and responses can make for a better person. 15. Never settle for less than you deserve. 16.Be bold! 17. Take chances. 18.Love has no colour. Granted we all have preferences and tastes but it doesn't always mean love comes in the package you expect it to come in. Be open minded. 19. Live outside the box. The norm is not always the best. 20. Be different, be yourself and never compromise who you are for anyone! Although I am a work in progress and there is a lot I have to work on, I like to think that 31 as old as it sounds, only means I am going to get better with time. Happy Birthday to me!