Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder

I am sure a lot of you have heard about the article published and then pulled out of the Psychology today journal titled black women are the least attractive women. I haven't read the article personally but clips of it here and there that I have seen, the writer states objectively black women are the least attractive yet subjectively we believe we are more attractive than we really are. As terrible as that sounds and as untrue as that statement is, you can't help to wonder why he believes this is so and does the world secretly agree with him yet are too afraid of being politically incorrect so we all remain quiet.

Of course I do not agree with his thesis in any shape or form and I am not going to point out which race has the least attractive women or people for that matter because in all honesty beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder so my definition of beauty might not necessarily be your definition and vice verse but to come out and point out one race of women is least attractive than the other is wrong.

However, my blog is not to bash the writer but to really explore that topic and find if to some extent we (black women) give this man the bases to come to this conclusion. I am going to break it down into topics and discuss each separately.

Hair

As you know black womens hair comes in all different textures and and length. Naturally, our hair is course, tightly coiled and weaker when wet. Yet due to chemical products, electrically engineered tools and the help of an asian women we are able to straighten, lenghten and change our hair texture. Now for someone who has gone through the motions with her hair and has finally decided to wear her hair the way God created me, plus some colour to give me some pizzazz I can totally relate to the frustration of needing to straighten our sometimes unruly mane, however when we go as far as to dye our hair blond(a colour I personally doesn't go quite well with dark skin and would like to think God thought so as well and hence us having black hair) and to put in 5 foot weaves, you can't help but wonder do we do these things because we see our lighter skinned sisters(and I mean non black) and admire their blond hair and long hair that we will do whatever to look like them? Of course I am in no way shape or form saying people dye their hair blond or put in long weaves to look white but is it possible some do exactly that for that reason?

Fading creams.

Now I am not stupid I know "fading creams" are to "fade away" blemishes from scares but we have all seen those who have gone as far as to use it to lighten their skin completely. Most recently and famously we know of Vybz Kartel the reggae and dancehall who completely went from dark to light and I am sure we have seen many women do the same. Now why do people do that?? Again you can blame it on the fact that it was a fade gone wrong or do they really find lighter skin more attractive??

Black men

Now you know I can't talk about black women without touching on black men. Of course with the increase of interracial marriages and relationships where majority of the interracial relationships being a black man with a non black women its only natural I touch on this. Now I personally have nothing against interracial relationships and having white ancestry myself I obviously cannot have anything against it. People have a preference and that's totally okay however there are some who in the process of dating outside their race have a tendency to down talk the black women by talking about not having long flowy hair (yes someone actually told me that was their reason they didn't like black women) and the fact that we are too independent. (Incase u didn't know non black women are also independent). Fact of the matter is no matter how a black man categorizes us we are women and women are the same regardless of race. Yes our approach initially to a situation may be different but at the end of the day if provoked we all can get a little crazy.

Also many of the music videos out today rarely show darker skinned women. Is it possible that they do believe that lighter women are generally more attractive??

Magazines

Recently the top 100 most beautiful people list came out and so did Maxims 100 hottest women came out and I believe only 5 percent max featured black women as one of the top 100 hottest or beautiful women. Now I could probably list at least 10 people off the top of my head in show business that easily could have made the list and that's not discounting the 1000 others who could be considered but of course its top 100 so they had a limit but again why is it that the only 5 percent or less represented were black?? In my opinion the number 1 person I felt should not have been number black or not but then again beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Now I could go on and on about this topic and mind u these are all observations I have made. I am in now way shape or form saying I am a credible source. This is purely my opinion. You can choose to agree with me or disagree and again I do not agree with the writer of the article that black women are the least attractive because I don't think there is nothing written anywhere that outlines what beauty looks like but I do feel that so much is out that that could give this man the bases to make such judgements and we are not doing much to prove him wrong.

Second chances

I am a firm believer in second chances. I can't say why I am but all I know is the number of times I mess up, if I didn't get a second chance, Only God knows where I would be today. Not to say anytime I made a mistake I was given a second chance to redeem myself because honestly I don't think that would be a good idea either but usually when I am given a second chance I usually take advantage of that and make sure I rectify things. Of course that's coming from me, I am sure if u ask the person I wronged they may think differently but so far they haven't said anything so I guess I did make my wrong right.

Now I know sometimes some people need several chances to get It right. I can't say I know why but if I was to make an assumption it could be for a variety of reaons, one they probably were not aware they did something wrong in the first place so they cannot comprehend the severity of their actions so they may repeat it again because they do not know what exactly they did wrong which in that case its the responsibility of the one affected to clearly lay out what they did wrong and explain why that act should not be repeated or 2 they are slow learners so it takes several mistakes to make it right or 3, they just don't care and if that's the case u shouldn't be given them a second chance at all.

There are also people like me. Very forgiving. We know some people just have to be given a second chance, maybe 3rd or 4th chances because we know that nobody is perfect and u don't know when the show will be on the other foot and u will need that chance. However what we need to also put into consideration is the fact that some people just don't care enough about your feelings so no matter how many chances u give them they are going to keep repeating the same mistake until u say enough is eenough and maybe the only way to get ur point across is to walk away and let them know that you have no more chances to give. Its hard though to do that because deep down u believe people are inherently good and though they may come across as not caring deep down if u walked away they will do whatever it takes to get you back.

Now the question is, is that healthy for either parties? I don't know. It might be because it sends the message across that you cannot be toyed with at the same time that person might learn not to take people for granted because they can be gone today.

Now don't confuse forgiveness for second chances because as important as it is to forgive and not necessarily because the person wants it, its more for you doesn't mean that they deserve a second chance. It just means u have let them go and u are allowing them to live their lives knowing u do not despise them and are holding them spiritually hostage by not forgiving them but it means u realise your worth and ur need to be happy and so u are getting rid or anything or anyway who has u contantly feeling defeated and lost.

Now as I keep pondering on the issue of when do u let go all I can say is this. Know when enough is enough and as important as second chances are, remember they are called second chances for a reason...you only get a second try and that's it.

Hey Young World

A letter to the younger generation

I am totally appalled and disgusted by your attitude towards life and your bodies. I wonder each day how and when did these innocent babies turn into these sex crazed, no respect for anyone especially themselves young adults. I sit back and watch you on the bus sit in seats designated for the elderly, disabled, or parents with young kids and not offer your seat to any of these designated groups yet when someone points that out to you, you have the nerve to insult and yell at them for even suggesting u stand when u are perfectly able to instead of apologizing and making sure u don't repeat yourself.

I see you in public with your significant others (mind u the word boyfriend was not allowed in my vocabulary until I was 18) and if I didn't know better I would seriously believe u were having sex if I didn't see u with your clothes on. So eager to send "sexts" and email pictures of yourself naked to each other and proudly post them online or suddenly through a fit when its posted online. (What did u expect to happen when you hit send you big dummy!) I see how you are so quick to offer your goods to sometimes to the lowest bidder just to fit in yet when your counter part refuses to do the same u laugh and tease them till they are forced to do the same. Shame on you!

You disrespect your parents, your elders. Parents are afraid to discpline because they fear for their safety or the consequences of the law. They fear that if they speak up and take action they may lose you so they keep their mouths shut. Gone are the days when children had a healthy fear of their parents. They always put into consideration what their parents would think before they acted. Gone are the day when the rod was not spared when discplining a child but these days all the parents have to do is raise their voice and the police are knocking on their door ready to cart them away.

As easy as it would be to blame you for your actions I can't do that entirely without blaming your parents. Parents are no longer taking responsibility on how they raise their children. Either they don't care enough or they are too afraid of not allowing their kids to "express themselves" blaming everything on the fact that their children are going through a "phrase" instead of nipping those actions in the bud the minute they display them and waiting till its too late to do something. Media can be blamed, with the over abundance of reality tv and tv shows that glorify teenage sexuality but come on let's be real, at the end of the day if something is not done at home no amount of tv can be blamed for the action of bad kids

Younger generation, learn to love yourself. Learn to be individuals. Stop basing who you are on who and what other people are. Dont be a follower, be a trendsetter. Who cares if you are not "cool" by your peers standards" Secretly they admire you for being an individual. Disrespecting your body doesnt make you popular and well liked, it makes you susceptible to disease, teenage pregnancy and quite frankly the title "slut" this does not exclude the young boys too.

Learn to say No when its necessary. Most importantly learn some mannners and some respect! Dont always fight those who mean well and are looking out for your best interest. Yes I do know that your parents may not always have the right answers or make the best decisions but it doesnt give you the righ to disrespect them and mistreat them. Wearing next to nothing clothes doesnt make you sexy...Dressing appropriately for your age and leaving some parts hidden makes you classy yet sexy.

The right person loves you no matter who you are. No need to dress a certain way, speak a certain way, or act a certain way to get noticed. You are noticed when you are yourself.

Love each other and stop making others feel less adequate. Stop judging people for who they are, gay, straight, short fat, tall, slim. They are who they are. Enpower each other and lift each other. Be supportive and lend a shoulder to someone in need.

I am not saying i am any better bu it doesnt mean you have the right to be worse. Time to be you!