I graduated University 5 years ago. I came out believe I could take on the world. I had my 5 year plan. I honestly believed that I would have a house, a car, a nice decent job, possibly a boyfriend or a kid who knows by the time I hit 30. I was optimistic. After all why wouldnt I be? It was hammered in my head since I was a kid that if I went to school and got an education I would be rewarded with a good job and lots of money. Now the day had come, the big job, and the lots of money were on its way and I was anxiously and patiently waiting for that day. 5 years later, present day, I am still waiting for that big job and lots of money. In fact, i am waiting for that job period!
Where is that promise of getting an education will guarantee me that good job that my parents kept raving about for years on end. 5 years later, my situation is probably a lot worse than it was the day I graduated high school. The only difference is, I have a piece of paper...actually 2 that tells people that I have that education they require but it doesnt seem to convince them enough to actually give me that big job my parents kept talking about.
I can't help but wonder, was that an empty promise? Was that societies big april fools joke I just recently found out about? Now I can't help but wonder those without this fancy college education, are they better off than me with all the degrees they claim was necessary to move forward in life with?
Kanye has a song, it slips my mind but it goes along the lines that this man has all these papers to prove he has an education yet he never got anything out of it, now he is dead and he is going to be buried with all these papers but he didnt have a life that left anything behind to be proud of.
My other issue right now is, it seems like to be someone you must have the traditional careers, You must be a doctor, a lawyer, an accountant something that your parents will be proud to brag about. it makes me wonder, my desire to make my parents proud, has that actually restricted me in being who I wanted to be? Would I have had more success if I actually listened and followed my childhood desires than the desires and dreams my parents had for me. Why do some parents believe that the only way to be successful means you must have a traditional profession. Something everyone will be proud about.
Dont get me wrong, if its your dream to be a doctor, a lawyer, a dentist then definitely go for it, but for those of us who may take different paths, does it make us any less ambitious or even less capable of being someone because we choose to go a different path?
Why can't we be and follow our passions without being judged? Why can't we go for what we want without someone making us feel inadequate? Why can't I be a singer, a model an artist, a shoe cobbler without fearing disappointing my family and my friends because my job is not impressive enough, The Kanyes, the Jay'z, the Monique's and the lot who actually followed their hearts and left school to be who they are, Are they actually the smarter ones??
Thoughts.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Everyone's best friend
This past weekend, I had a very interesting conversation with one of my really good male friends. I love him to death, and his opinion does matter to me. Anyway the conversation we had has had me thinking about it over and over again and I am curious to see what other people think on this topic.
Long story short, We were having a discussion as to whether we were both the marrying type. Of course we both agreed that the other person was the marrying type but he said something to me that had me thinking. He said to me, He thought I was perfect and I would make a great wife but I am not the one for him. I wasnt hurt by his statement. Not a little bit. He is a great person and I do love him dearly but we do have a very deep friendship, a friendship that is borderline family so yes of course him telling me I am not the one for him was no shocker. However, what has me thinking is? Is this the common theme now? When people of the opposite sex become really good friends, it sort of kills the potential of them seeing each other as anything more.
I like to think of myself as everyones home girl. It seems like men can relate to me, like they can relate to their boys. Often times they forget that I am female and I often get the " you are one of the boys" statement. Of course I find that hard to believe because if you have seen me before you know that my "assets" will definitely remind you that I am a woman but I guess the way I relate to men, I make them comfortable to be who they are. They are able to share with me and speak to me about anything and everything without feeling like they have to be on their best behaviour or they have to censor themselves. However, has my easy going "one of the boys" demeanor ruined my chances of being with a good man? Do I have to become that girlie girl to be considered the potential wifey? Or do I continue in my "down to earth, you can be yourself around me" mode to potentially lead me to meeting that man?
If any of you have watched the movie "Just Wright" Queen Latifah's character reminded me a lot about myself. I am the girl who happens to be walking in with the attention stopper girlfriend, and i am the girl the men will come to me to try to hook them up with my girlfriend. I become the best buddy they can turn to when all is not well but I am not the girl they want to spend their time with in a romantic sense. Most times it takes them getting to know me before they notice me. It doesnt bother me really but sometimes I wonder if I am hurting myself and turning the potentials away or do I continue down on this path and hopefully that great person will notice me for me and love me for me in both the romantic and friendship sense.
Your thoughts...?
Long story short, We were having a discussion as to whether we were both the marrying type. Of course we both agreed that the other person was the marrying type but he said something to me that had me thinking. He said to me, He thought I was perfect and I would make a great wife but I am not the one for him. I wasnt hurt by his statement. Not a little bit. He is a great person and I do love him dearly but we do have a very deep friendship, a friendship that is borderline family so yes of course him telling me I am not the one for him was no shocker. However, what has me thinking is? Is this the common theme now? When people of the opposite sex become really good friends, it sort of kills the potential of them seeing each other as anything more.
I like to think of myself as everyones home girl. It seems like men can relate to me, like they can relate to their boys. Often times they forget that I am female and I often get the " you are one of the boys" statement. Of course I find that hard to believe because if you have seen me before you know that my "assets" will definitely remind you that I am a woman but I guess the way I relate to men, I make them comfortable to be who they are. They are able to share with me and speak to me about anything and everything without feeling like they have to be on their best behaviour or they have to censor themselves. However, has my easy going "one of the boys" demeanor ruined my chances of being with a good man? Do I have to become that girlie girl to be considered the potential wifey? Or do I continue in my "down to earth, you can be yourself around me" mode to potentially lead me to meeting that man?
If any of you have watched the movie "Just Wright" Queen Latifah's character reminded me a lot about myself. I am the girl who happens to be walking in with the attention stopper girlfriend, and i am the girl the men will come to me to try to hook them up with my girlfriend. I become the best buddy they can turn to when all is not well but I am not the girl they want to spend their time with in a romantic sense. Most times it takes them getting to know me before they notice me. It doesnt bother me really but sometimes I wonder if I am hurting myself and turning the potentials away or do I continue down on this path and hopefully that great person will notice me for me and love me for me in both the romantic and friendship sense.
Your thoughts...?
Monday, June 21, 2010
Are black women really that bad?
I have been trying to avoid touching on this subject because I believe its the most talked about subject in todays world and quite frankly I am sick and tired of hearing or speaking about it, However, each day, this subject is brought up again and I really think its time I shared my opinion on this matter once and for all.
For those of you who know me, I am a black woman and for those fo you who dont, well now you know. Yes my ancestry is African and like most African women I have been highly influenced by the African heritage I come from. There are many things about my heritage that define me. Also my mother is African and she has done a lot to define who I am as well but that being said and done, I was also born in North America and lived and continue to live here so there are many things about this society that defines me. Anyone who is a black woman in North America understands that we have many hurdles to jump and each day a hurdle jumped is an achievement however, the race is far from over so the number of hurdles we have yet to jump are too many to count, yet many of us do not let the race slow us down because we know that winning is what matters.
Now to my topic, It seems like more now than ever, this whole topic of black men dating outside their race and their issues with black women has become more and more prevelant today than ever before. Statistics show that many of the marriages that involved black men, 22% were with a non black women. Statistic also shows that 47.5% of black women in North America may never make it down the aisle. Well there are several reasons for this, 1. There are more black men in jail than there are out so if black women choose to stay loyal to black men then chances are fewer black women will find long term committement. Secondly and this is probably the most debateble reason there is today, Black men find black women intimidating. We are too strong, we are too independent, our expectations of black men are unrealistic and we demand too much from our black men or in simple terms we are bitches so a lot of black men dont want to have anything to do with us. Okay, well if thats your reason, then all I can say is meet every single black woman on this face of the earth and then come back and make that statement as long as you can prove to me that every single black woman you came accross was the exact same way.
Before I go any further, let me say this and make this clear. I personally do not have any issues with interracial relationships. My great grandfather was a white scotsman and if you know my family, you could probably say we have an equal number of non black people as we have black people. Thus coming from a very multicultural background who am I to say I have a problem with interracial relationships. My issue is, if you choose to date or marry outside your race, you have no right, to sit back and degrade your own race because of that. Granted your reason for dating outside your race is your reason and your reason alone, However, if you have an issue with black women, then you obviously have your own issues.
Okay so the common reasons why some black men have stated why they choose to date outside their race is because, they believe black women are too strong, too independent, we are dont want to cook and clean, we expect our men to work all day yet we wont have a hot cooked meal ready for him, we pretty much do not serve, worship and obey our men. First and foremost, let me make this clear, I do not worship serve and obey anyone but my Father above.If you have a problem with that then lets keep it moving. Secondly, I like to believe that all my strong, independent, well educated female friends that I currently have, are not just black women, but white, asian, latino, green red, yellow, you name it I got it and they share my exact same opinion. Yes our approach to men may be slightly different but all in all, none of us believe we are slaves and servants to our men(or soon to be men) We strongly believe that a relationship is a partnership, granted you may not have all the traits that I possesses and vice versa, but we know our weaknesses and our strengths, so where you are lacking I make up for it and vice versa. Therefore, if you cant cook, well then you clean and I cook or whatever else.
Also I strongly believe, a woman, black or white who becomes subservient to her man has self esteem issues. A woman who is accepting of a mediocre man, someone who does the bare minimum for survival has no ambition, no drive, no passion to be a better person than they are clearly has her own issues. Now I am not going to sit back and say because I have a masters degree, you must have a masters degree, or that if I make six figures you must make 7. NO thats not the case at all. I believe, that as a black woman living in North america, in this world, if I have managed to achieve so much and I continue to strive to achieve more than you have no excuse. Yes you might be a truck driver and i may be a high powered ceo. We might not be on equal footing professionally, but i am not going to walk by you because of what you have professionally, but I'll tell you what will make me keep walking, is knowing you are okay with where you are at and have drive to be better. Some people are okay with being mediocre and thats fine and fair, but for me, I believe if you have the potential to be better and I am not talking financially because you can have all the money in the world and it can go tomorrow, but my belief is if you know you can do better and you dont try to do better while I am trying to do beter then how can we be together? I like to think my white sisters, asian sisters and latino sisters feel exactly the same way as I do on this topic.
Personally I feel a man who expects his wife/fiance/girlfriend to be anything less than the best is insecure and lazy. A man who doesnt want a woman to push him to be better is obviously not driven and ambitious. Yes I will admit that some of our women are a bit too strong in their approach and sometimes their form of encouragement might be a bit to harsh and degrading but if a man can honestly open his mouth and say he finds a woman intimidating then quite frankly I believe you are not man enough. No man should find a woman intimidating if he realises you are only expecting him to be the best that he is.
I use this analogy, any woman, black or white, if they have a child, who is not doing their best in school and they are really not working hard to make the grades in school, is not going to sit back and say "you know what, its okay that you are not making good grades, its okay that you are failing school, just as long as you are in school I am okay with that" Find me a woman who has said that then honestly i believe she is not a good mother. A good mother will see their child is slacking off in school, goofing around, not doing their best and will demand that they sit up and work hard, they might enroll them in tutoring sessions, they will ground them, they might do whatever they need to do to get their child to improve in school until they see their child excell. Now the same way a good woman will see her man and see he has potential and will push and encourage him to do better...granted each womans approach will be different but a good woman will do that.
Now tell me, why ar eblack women always put on blast, well a friend of mine put it simply, because black men are soo quick to call a black woman out on what she does, You never hear a white man going off about white women, an asian man about asian women or a latino man about latino women. Not to say each woman in each race doesnt have their issues but they love their women good or bad and are accepting of them. I can tell you this, you can find any kind of woman in any race, so for a black man to put a black woman in one category and assume every black woman is the same way, then that shows your lack of education because just like you will find a head strong, independent black woman you will find the same in a white woman an asian women and a latino woman... A strong independent good man will see a woman and what she has and appreciate it regardless of her race. Personally i think when a man dates a non black women because of the colour of her skin, If i was that woman I would be worried because it goes to show, he doesnt love all of me but part of men.
Thats my two cents and thats all I am going to say on this topic. Feedback is necessary and this is my opinion.
For those of you who know me, I am a black woman and for those fo you who dont, well now you know. Yes my ancestry is African and like most African women I have been highly influenced by the African heritage I come from. There are many things about my heritage that define me. Also my mother is African and she has done a lot to define who I am as well but that being said and done, I was also born in North America and lived and continue to live here so there are many things about this society that defines me. Anyone who is a black woman in North America understands that we have many hurdles to jump and each day a hurdle jumped is an achievement however, the race is far from over so the number of hurdles we have yet to jump are too many to count, yet many of us do not let the race slow us down because we know that winning is what matters.
Now to my topic, It seems like more now than ever, this whole topic of black men dating outside their race and their issues with black women has become more and more prevelant today than ever before. Statistics show that many of the marriages that involved black men, 22% were with a non black women. Statistic also shows that 47.5% of black women in North America may never make it down the aisle. Well there are several reasons for this, 1. There are more black men in jail than there are out so if black women choose to stay loyal to black men then chances are fewer black women will find long term committement. Secondly and this is probably the most debateble reason there is today, Black men find black women intimidating. We are too strong, we are too independent, our expectations of black men are unrealistic and we demand too much from our black men or in simple terms we are bitches so a lot of black men dont want to have anything to do with us. Okay, well if thats your reason, then all I can say is meet every single black woman on this face of the earth and then come back and make that statement as long as you can prove to me that every single black woman you came accross was the exact same way.
Before I go any further, let me say this and make this clear. I personally do not have any issues with interracial relationships. My great grandfather was a white scotsman and if you know my family, you could probably say we have an equal number of non black people as we have black people. Thus coming from a very multicultural background who am I to say I have a problem with interracial relationships. My issue is, if you choose to date or marry outside your race, you have no right, to sit back and degrade your own race because of that. Granted your reason for dating outside your race is your reason and your reason alone, However, if you have an issue with black women, then you obviously have your own issues.
Okay so the common reasons why some black men have stated why they choose to date outside their race is because, they believe black women are too strong, too independent, we are dont want to cook and clean, we expect our men to work all day yet we wont have a hot cooked meal ready for him, we pretty much do not serve, worship and obey our men. First and foremost, let me make this clear, I do not worship serve and obey anyone but my Father above.If you have a problem with that then lets keep it moving. Secondly, I like to believe that all my strong, independent, well educated female friends that I currently have, are not just black women, but white, asian, latino, green red, yellow, you name it I got it and they share my exact same opinion. Yes our approach to men may be slightly different but all in all, none of us believe we are slaves and servants to our men(or soon to be men) We strongly believe that a relationship is a partnership, granted you may not have all the traits that I possesses and vice versa, but we know our weaknesses and our strengths, so where you are lacking I make up for it and vice versa. Therefore, if you cant cook, well then you clean and I cook or whatever else.
Also I strongly believe, a woman, black or white who becomes subservient to her man has self esteem issues. A woman who is accepting of a mediocre man, someone who does the bare minimum for survival has no ambition, no drive, no passion to be a better person than they are clearly has her own issues. Now I am not going to sit back and say because I have a masters degree, you must have a masters degree, or that if I make six figures you must make 7. NO thats not the case at all. I believe, that as a black woman living in North america, in this world, if I have managed to achieve so much and I continue to strive to achieve more than you have no excuse. Yes you might be a truck driver and i may be a high powered ceo. We might not be on equal footing professionally, but i am not going to walk by you because of what you have professionally, but I'll tell you what will make me keep walking, is knowing you are okay with where you are at and have drive to be better. Some people are okay with being mediocre and thats fine and fair, but for me, I believe if you have the potential to be better and I am not talking financially because you can have all the money in the world and it can go tomorrow, but my belief is if you know you can do better and you dont try to do better while I am trying to do beter then how can we be together? I like to think my white sisters, asian sisters and latino sisters feel exactly the same way as I do on this topic.
Personally I feel a man who expects his wife/fiance/girlfriend to be anything less than the best is insecure and lazy. A man who doesnt want a woman to push him to be better is obviously not driven and ambitious. Yes I will admit that some of our women are a bit too strong in their approach and sometimes their form of encouragement might be a bit to harsh and degrading but if a man can honestly open his mouth and say he finds a woman intimidating then quite frankly I believe you are not man enough. No man should find a woman intimidating if he realises you are only expecting him to be the best that he is.
I use this analogy, any woman, black or white, if they have a child, who is not doing their best in school and they are really not working hard to make the grades in school, is not going to sit back and say "you know what, its okay that you are not making good grades, its okay that you are failing school, just as long as you are in school I am okay with that" Find me a woman who has said that then honestly i believe she is not a good mother. A good mother will see their child is slacking off in school, goofing around, not doing their best and will demand that they sit up and work hard, they might enroll them in tutoring sessions, they will ground them, they might do whatever they need to do to get their child to improve in school until they see their child excell. Now the same way a good woman will see her man and see he has potential and will push and encourage him to do better...granted each womans approach will be different but a good woman will do that.
Now tell me, why ar eblack women always put on blast, well a friend of mine put it simply, because black men are soo quick to call a black woman out on what she does, You never hear a white man going off about white women, an asian man about asian women or a latino man about latino women. Not to say each woman in each race doesnt have their issues but they love their women good or bad and are accepting of them. I can tell you this, you can find any kind of woman in any race, so for a black man to put a black woman in one category and assume every black woman is the same way, then that shows your lack of education because just like you will find a head strong, independent black woman you will find the same in a white woman an asian women and a latino woman... A strong independent good man will see a woman and what she has and appreciate it regardless of her race. Personally i think when a man dates a non black women because of the colour of her skin, If i was that woman I would be worried because it goes to show, he doesnt love all of me but part of men.
Thats my two cents and thats all I am going to say on this topic. Feedback is necessary and this is my opinion.
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