My love hate relationship with my best friend

I love my best friend. She is awesome but I also think that I have to change my relationship with her because its getting slightly toxic. Once a relationship starts to get toxic, you either have to change or get out. In this case I can't get out. If I did, I would physically die (I am not being overly dramatic) so the best solution is to change my interaction with her and make it a healthier relationship. Its hard because this transformation wont be overnight, it might take several months but I am desperate and I am willing to try anything to ensure we get to a great place where we can fuction well. The problem is that I call her my best friend. I depend on her heavily and I have allowed her to control this relationship and when I do try to take control, I succeed for a while and then fall back into old habits and then she is back in control. I know its not fair that I dont want her to be in control sometimes and some of you may suggest that we can share control and thats a viable option but until I can exercise restrain and gain my own self control, I dont think I should allow her to take charge. At least not until we are in a good place. In case some of you are wondering whom this best friend is, and why do I feel I would die if I lost her, then let me enlightened you. My best friend is food. I know, I had you fooled and some of you may think I am being ridiculous but hear me out (or read me out). I love food, just like most of you love food. Food provides comfort when things are bad...or good, it sustains us, norishes us and sometime food can be nostalgic. Reminds you of a time when things were great, sad, happy, joyous. It bonds us together, it makes us feel loved and appreciated and it actually transforms our body for best, or the worst depending on what you eat. However, food can be controlling, it can control our mood, our thoughts and feelings and most importantly our bodies. Its great when you consume all the right things but its bad, really bad when you eat all the wrong things. Now don't get me wrong, I am all for indulging every once in awhile and enjoying life with good food. I mean we are human and we are allowed to eat richly but I believe I have allowed food to dictate my life in a way i should not allow it to. My goal this year is to get to a place with food where i am comfortable with the occasional indulgence but not allow myself to let food control my life. ..specifically bad food. Ohh by the way I am not talking about healthy food. I am talking about all the junk thats out there taking on the face of food when really and truly its crap. I am trying to love myself enough to m know when to say no and when to say yes, its okay to eat this right now. I find i get to a place where i can go for long periods of time without eating junk but the minute i re introduce it, its hard to get off it. So for those of you who are reading this and saying, then just stop eating crap food and go about your business. You cant stop right there. Losing weight and eating healthy is probably the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. Yes people succeed everyday and manage to keep it off for life but then for anyone who has succeeded I am pretty sure if you spoke to them, they would tell you this is not their first rodeo. They have tried and failed several times until they hit bottom and decided this time they will let it stick. Even then, everyday is a struggle. Just like a recovering alcoholic or a recovering drug addict struggles each day not to shoot up when they desire it or to take that sip when that seems like the only solution a food addict struggles to break away from food. You may argue that well, you are not fat anf even when you were heavy you were not fat so how do you even classify yourself as a food addict ( yes I do believe I have an addiction to food). I believe food is my addiction because I think about food more than I think about anything else. I am happiest when I am eating and I actually feel withdrawals when I havent had food in a few hours. Even when I am full, i pick at food because its there and I tell myself everyday this is the last time ill eat like this and I dont until I relapse. Anyway today I tell myself I have hit rock bottom. Food doesnt give me the same satisfaction as a good work out does. BAD Food no longer provides me comfort but rather discomfort and in some cases pain. Bad food is taking away the body i worked sooo hard to get and bringing back that body i worked sooo hard to get rid off. So today my dear best friend, I am back in control. I am changing our relationship for the better and if you have a problem with it. That's too bad but you will deal with it. Ill always love you but bad food you are no longer for me. Watch this space. August will be the big unveiling of the new me.